Posted by armpitofamerica on November 5, 2011
I thought I had seen it all. I assumed I’d known everything there was to know about New Jersey. I didn’t think there was anything else that could surprise me.
I was wrong.
So what’s with all the dramatics? Well, I recently visited a part of the Armpit of America that I thought existed only in my nightmares. No, not a Jersey City whorehouse. Not a crack den in Camden either. Not even Chris Christie’s private bathroom. The place of horror was a farm auction. In New Jersey. About 20 minutes from cosmopolitan Princeton and at the confluence of three major highways.
The place is called the Camelot Horse auction, located in Cranbury, New Jersey. Despite being surrounded by the Jersey Turnpike, Route 130, and Route 33, one arrives at the auction by traveling over a deteriorating road through a dark cornfield to get to a gravelly parking lot. It’s still hard for me to believe that such a place could exist so close to the typical Jersey landscape of highways and strip malls.
I was invited to such a place by some friends who are just a tad more country than I am and certainly fit in better than I do. After meeting up, we went inside an old barn to see the animals up for auction. The barn was full of little stables, each holding a variety of horses, ponies, donkeys, sheep, and goats. In another room were a bunch of cardboard boxes containing various smaller animals, like guinea pigs, rabbits, and pigeons.
Something tells me this guy ended up as someone's dinner that night.
But the main attraction of the farm auction was, appropriately enough, the auction room. This section of the barn had bleachers along the walls, a big, rusty truck full of farm equipment, and a podium in the middle of the room for an Amish-looking auctioneer. Adorned with a straw hat and a big, bushy beard, he presided over the bidding on items like shovels and feed buckets with the typical auctioneer gibberish. Read the rest of this entry »
Posted in Armpit Adventures | Tagged: Amish, auctions, farm, horses, John Deere, New Jersey, Random | 3 Comments »
Posted by armpitofamerica on October 22, 2010
Sussex County: Just the tip of the armpit.
A couple weeks ago, I had the pleasure of visiting Sussex County for the first time. Nestled up in the northwest corner, Sussex County is geographically New Jersey’s northernmost county but culturally its southernmost. It is known for its mountains, farmland, small towns, and country folk.
The reason for the trip up north was for a friend’s birthday. Driving up to Sussex County, I couldn’t believe the scenery and almost forgot that I was in New Jersey. The gently rolling hills full of trees seem more typical of Pennsylvania and upstate New York. And the signs advertising not one, but two mining museums made me think I was in West Virginia or Kentucky. But all of the strip malls along the way served to remind me that I was still in the Armpit of America.
Another reminder was the numerous signs talking about this one diner – apparently the best diner in New Jersey. Diners are a dime a dozen in this state and usually fall into one of two categories: perfectly average or not so great. Each one claims to have the best of something, whether pancakes, burgers, or omelets. But for a diner to claim to be the best at everything? I was intrigued – but I’d have to do my investigations another day.
We arrived at the birthday party and were greeted by some of the redneckiest rednecks I’d ever seen. And I mean that in the nicest possible way. Everyone was really nice and friendly, just a little more country than any other people I’ve ever met in New Jersey. Read the rest of this entry »
Posted in Armpit Adventures | Tagged: driving, Food, Personal, rednecks, Sussex County, trucker beans | 6 Comments »
Posted by armpitofamerica on September 21, 2010
At around 4:30 last Tuesday afternoon, a friend informed me that Dave Coulier, best and only known as Joey from Full House, would be performing stand-up at Brookdale Community College. It’s not every day that an actor from what I shamefully admit is one of my favorite shows ever is only a half hour away from me. So I dropped whatever plans I had that night, got a group of friends together, and hustled on over to Brookdale.
Though half of my high school went to Brookdale Community College (the other half, including me, went to Rutgers), I had never been on the campus. It was pretty confusing finding our way around. Though we parked in this big parking lot in the middle of the campus, there weren’t many signs showing which building was which. And once we found the building, we had to walk through its labyrinthine halls to find the room where he was performing.
While I thought the show would have been in an auditorium or gym, it was actually in this small conference room. There were only about 150 seats, many of which remained unfilled. Though the website said it would cost $5 for non-Brookdale students, it turned out to be free. It’s kinda sad. His Full House cohort Bob Saget can sell out auditoriums, but the best Dave Coulier can do is a free show at a college – a community college, no less.
Try to keep your panties on, ladies; it's Dave Coulier!
Having seen the show, that $0 admission fee was definitely worth the price. Actually, I think Dave Coulier should have paid me to be there. Though he had a couple good jokes, most of his routine was pretty lame. For example, he spent a few minutes talking about how his 80-year-old father doesn’t understand computers and then discussed how his teenage son keeps his hand on his crotch and plays video games all day. Such groundbreaking stuff this guy has! He also talked about how Porky Pig wears a vest but no pants. Um, didn’t another comedian make the same joke about Donald Duck? Read the rest of this entry »
Posted in Armpit Adventures, Random, Videos | Tagged: Bob Saget, Brookdale, Dave Coulier, Full House, John Stamos, Random | 4 Comments »
Posted by armpitofamerica on August 23, 2010
And now for a post that isn’t about “Jersey Shore”!
Let’s rewind back to Fourth of July weekend. My hair (total Jew-fro) was getting a little too curly and unmanageable to be seen in public. I had a friend who had been cutting my hair for free for the last couple of years, but she wasn’t available. And, since I had plans to go out for the night, I needed a haircut that day.
Little known fact: Dustin Diamond and I are first cousins.
I googled around for barber shops in New Brunswick. All the results I found fell into two categories: unisex hair salons or places bragging about their “street” and “Brooklyn” cuts. I have too much pride to go someplace with the words unisex and salon in its title, but I’m not man enough to go to one of the ghetto places. All I wanted was a barber shop catering to nerdy white guys. Since there weren’t any such places in New Brunswick, I decided to look around in the nerdiest town in New Jersey: Princeton. Read the rest of this entry »
Posted in Armpit Adventures, New Brunswick | Tagged: barber shops, haircut, New Brunswick, Princeton, Random | 5 Comments »
Posted by armpitofamerica on July 12, 2010
Surprisingly, the Delaware River didn't catch on fire.
Any regular reader of this blog knows that most of my entries revolve around either the Jersey Shore or New Brunswick, the two parts of the Armpit of America where I spend most of my time. Well, having a girlfriend who lives in the Princeton area, and having worked there a couple years, I have spent plenty of time on New Jersey’s west coast as well. And, rather than spending the 4th of July weekend at the Jersey shore with millions of other people, we spent the holiday on the shore of the Delaware River. (I’m sure you’re all jealous.)
Anyway, on the night of July 3rd, we planned to go to the bar Katmandu in Trenton, which is essentially a poor man’s version of Bar A (and will get a more detailed write-up in a future posting). We had hoped to get a good view of the fireworks show at nearby Waterfront Park, the minor league baseball stadium where the Trenton Thunder play.
We arrived at the bar, which was completely deserted (almost everyone in the whole state must have been at the shore). Upon going to the outdoor deck, we realized that we wouldn’t be able to see the fireworks from there. So, we decided to leave the bar and just walk towards the stadium.
We eventually came to this archway, which led to some steps going down to the river. Although you’d generally want to avoid poorly lit areas like this, especially when in a shady city like Trenton, one member of our group was brave enough to go down the steps and onto the dock. The rest of us soon followed onto this huge floating dock in the Delaware. We then realized the dock gave us a perfect view of the stadium.
Well this looks perfectly safe...
So we watched the fireworks show, which was pretty short. But who cares? Getting to that spot was an adventure in itself. As for the moral of the story? Though your gut may tell you differently, if you ever encounter a dark passageway in a shit-hole city like Trenton, take it; you never know where it might lead…
Posted in Armpit Adventures | Tagged: Delaware River, fireworks, Katmandu, Trenton | 3 Comments »