As much as I love New Jersey, even I’ll admit that there are a lot of assholes in this state. The Armpit of America would definitely be a lot less stinky if certain people were to leave and never come back. Any reader of this blog shouldn’t have too much trouble figuring out who I would like to kick out of New Jersey forever. (HINT: His name rhymes with Miss Misty.) But I want to know who you’d like to banish.
Below you’ll find some of the Garden State’s most famous and polarizing characters. So let me know your thoughts by choosing who you would want to get rid of. If your choice isn’t listed here, share your choice by leaving me a comment.
Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs, rabid racoons, or guidos bite!
When I first heard of the book Good Night New Jersey, I assumed it was a depressing tale of some downtrodden loser aching for his chance to get out of New Jersey and say good night to this state once and for all. After borrowing Good Night New Jersey from my four-month-old niece, I found out that the book is nothing of the sort.
Rather than being some dark story of someone trying to get out, the book celebrates all things New Jersey. It presents a whirlwind tour of the Armpit of America, from morning to night, culminating in the climactic, if rather predictable, “Good Night, New Jersey” ending.
But before that, we say good morning, hello, greetings, good afternoon, and good evening to a variety of attractions throughout the state. The beach, a blueberry farm, Lucy the Elephant, Adventure Aquarium, and Asbury Park (with requisite Springsteen reference) are all visited. The book also pays tribute to the Lakota Wolf Preserve – something I didn’t even know existed.
Good Night New Jersey is a quick, easy, and fun read. The pictures are very colorful and accurately portray the various New Jersey attractions. I think the book is a great vehicle for New Jersey’s youngest residents to take pride in their state. And it can be used to teach those mini haters from other states just how good New Jersey really is. Read the rest of this entry »
One of my souveniers from the night...the other was a hangover.
I’ve never been one to make a big deal out of my birthday. Well, aside from my epic 21st birthday weekend (My birthday was on a Friday that year, so we went to the bars at midnight on Thursday, went to the Breakfast Club Friday, and had a house party Saturday), that’s mostly true.
This year, things were a little different. Now that I have a beautiful apartment in Belmar, along with plenty of bars within walking distance, why not go all out? So I invited a bunch of people over to check out the place and then hang out at a bar. Even though my birthday was once again on a Friday this year, I limited the celebrating to only one night.
After the guests started arriving, I tried to order a couple monster pizzas from 3 Brothers. Alas, they never answered the phone. After calling a dozen times, and after a few other people tried to no avail, I ordered pizza from some other place. Though perfectly adequate, this regular pizza is nothing compared to giant 3 Brothers pizza.
After hanging out at the apartment for a while and getting sauced up, we headed out for the Boathouse. As luck would have it, there was a live band there that night. Even luckier, it was The E Street Shuffle, a Bruce Springsteen tribute band! Though I never heard of them before that night, I was impressed. They did a great job, playing both the hits and the lesser known songs. Read the rest of this entry »
Two days ago, I moved out of New Brunswick and into a beautiful oceanfront apartment in Belmar. Though New Brunswick will always have a special place in my heart, having lived there for five years, I’m happy to leave that city behind. One can only take so much dirt and crime and shady people. While the Armpit of America has more than its fair share of these things (hence the nickname), Belmar is a safe haven from such deviance. Or at least it’s relatively safe compared to elsewhere in the state.
Saturday afternoon, I rented a U-Haul and the woman and I brought all my stuff to the new place. After spending a couple hours unloading (somehow the two of us were able to carry two couches up a flight of stairs), we drove back to return the truck. We didn’t get back to Belmar until 10:30, at which point my roommate, his girlfriend, and three of our friends showed up. We ordered a giant pizza from 3 Brothers Pizza and spent the next couple hours setting up. Since we didn’t have cable, and still don’t as of right now, we tapped into my DVD collection. The Robot Chicken Star Wars episode and Yellow Submarine were the DVDS of choice. Though we talked about hitting up the bars, everyone was too tired and sweaty from moving to go out, so we just hung around until 2:00 before going to bed.
Sunday was spent shopping around at the saddest little Shop Rite (hard to explain but it’s just depressing) and K-Mart and finishing unpacking and everything else. When it was dinner time, we decided to try something different and went to Kaya’s Kitchen, a completely vegetarian restaurant run by hippies. Read the rest of this entry »
A few weeks ago, I created a list of what I consider the top 5 songs about the Armpit of America. Noticeably absent from that list were songs by Bruce Springsteen. Since the patron saint of New Jersey has written so many songs about the state, it would be impossible to pick just one. So I made this list of the top 5 Bruce Springsteen songs about New Jersey.
1. Born to Run – Perhaps the most famous of all Bruce’s songs, Born to Run takes us into a world of motorcycle-riding punks looking for love and a way to escape from this horrible state. Now you may be wondering why I would include a song that is so obviously about getting the fuck out of New Jersey (especially with lines like “Baby this town rips the bones from your back / It’s a death trap, it’s a suicide rap / We gotta get out while we’re young / ‘Cause tramps like us, baby we were born to run“). But, as anyone who has ever lived in this state knows, wanting to get the hell out of here is part of the whole Jersey experience.
2. Rosalita (Come Out Tonight)- In this fun little song, Bruce sings about the trouble a guy has trying to get the girl of his desire to go out with him. Though he pleads and pleads to get her to come out (to meet up with characters like Jack the Rabbit, Weak Knees Willie, and Sloppy Sue) Rosalita refuses, since her parents don’t approve of her rock-n-rolling suitor. Our hero refuses to give up, though, and explains to the girl that a record company just gave him “a big advaaaancceeee!!!” At this point, the narrator forgets about convincing Rosie to hang out with local hooligans and, instead, he’s dead set on getting the fuck out of New Jersey. Especially since someone slashed his tires, rendering his car “a dud, stuck in the mud, somewhere in the swamps of Jersey.” Though we don’t know if he was successful in ever getting Rosalita out of her room, it sure is fun watching him try. Read the rest of this entry »