Armpit of America

A blog about New Jersey, the state we love to hate!

Posts Tagged ‘Chris Christie’

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From the Jersey Shore to the North Shore

Posted by armpitofamerica on April 7, 2013

The unthinkable has happened.

I am no longer a resident of New Jersey.

No, Chris Christie hasn’t exiled me for all the shit I’ve talked about him – it’s due to personal reasons. After 29 years of living within a 30 mile radius of my birthplace, I’ve left the only state I’ve ever lived in and relocated to the North Shore of Long Island. Based on my first two weeks of living here, it is clear that Long Island is more like New Jersey that New Jersey could ever hope to be.

From the strip malls and strip clubs to highways and loud obnoxious people, I doubt I’ll ever get homesick.  If New Jersey is the Armpit of America, then that would make Long Island the smelly pit hair of America.

Anyway, so what does my relocation mean for this little blog?  I’ll still update as infrequently as you’ve come to expect.  And I’ll still be writing about New Jersey. If that makes me a poseur, then so what? It’s my blog and I’ll do what I want.

Despite being in New York, my heart still hasn’t left New Jersey.  That’s why I will still try with all my might to avoid pumping my own gas.  Even if that means taking a trip back to Jersey for the sole purpose of having someone else do it.

As sad as I am to have left the Armpit of America, things could always be worse….I could have ended up on Staten Island!

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Best New Jersey Themed T-Shirt Ever!

Posted by armpitofamerica on August 28, 2012

Just a quickie here about my new favorite T-shirt.  I picked this baby up at True Jersey Supply Co. here in Belmar, where you can get a whole bunch of Jersey merchandise – even a porkroll-scented candle (which smells as bad as it sounds).  Anyway, here it is:

Now, Chris Christie and I haven’t always seen eye to eye on a number of issues.  And I know making fun of his weight has gotten old and tired.  But strangely, I see this T-shirt as rising above all that political nonsense and the superficial comments on his weight.  It simply conveys what a pugnacious tough-ass our governor is.  Maybe it’s my inner Jersey trashy side talking, but I kinda respect that about him.  And, fat or not, he can indeed kick any other governor’s ass (especially since Jesse Venture is no longer in charge of Minnesota!).

In an ironic twist of fate, this medium shirt proved to be anything but.  After I put it on, I looked like an overstuffed sausage, allowing me to further identify with our overstuffed governor.

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My New Favorite Joke About New Jersey

Posted by armpitofamerica on May 5, 2012

Last weekend, Jimmy Kimmel hosted the White House Correspondents’ Dinner. During his speech/standup act, he picked on a bunch of political figures, making the same old tired jokes everyone’s heard before: teasing Obama about his big ears, joking about  Bill Clinton’s womanizing, and questioning Joe Biden’s intelligence.  And as is required with any political comedy act, he made fun of Chris Christie’s weight.

Even I’ll admit that joking about our governor’s weight is not only getting tired, it can be mean – and Kimmel’s first joke was a tad too much. For those interested, he said something about how inside each governor is a president waiting to get out – in Christie’s case you can still hear him screaming.  But after that cheap shot, he said something genius.

He suggested that Christie was confused and thought New Jersey’s nickname was the Olive Garden State.  Okay, maybe it’s not the best joke ever, but I think it works on so many levels, beyond just making fun of our governor’s girth. Drive past any of the many strip malls on the many highways in the Armpit of America and you’re bound to see an Olive Garden or three.  Aside from that, Olive Garden serves its patrons faux-Italian food, just like the many faux-Italian people calling this state home. And just like olives have a nasty stench, so does this state.

You can check out the whole Chris Christie thing below – starts at about 1:45:

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Update from the Garden State

Posted by armpitofamerica on April 12, 2012

Yep, it’s been a while.  Between starting a new job, moving, and some other stuff, I haven’t been able to blog as much as I’d like.  So this entry will hopefully make up for the past few months of neglect.

As stated three seconds ago, I got a new job. It’s in Middletown, Armpit of America, only 10 minutes from the town I grew up in, in a building I’ve driven past hundreds of times.  Around the time I was being considered for this job, I was also interviewing for a position in Pennsylvania. Though I was kind of excited about the prospect of leaving this state once and for all, I got an offer from the place in Middletown and never heard back from the Pennsylvania job.  Apparently, there really is no escape from New Jersey.

After a brief stint back home, with an enjoyable 10 minute commute, I moved back to Belmar.  Rather than another beachfront apartment, I’m now in a quaint little cottage in a quieter part of town.  It’s definitely more conducive to writing, so I hope to blog more frequently.

Now that that’s out of the way, let’s catch up with some of my favorite New Jersey personalities.

Chris Christie has his highest approval ratings yet, despite being proven to be a liar.  While this might seem to be a paradox, it just proves that New Jersey has a love affair with corrupt politicians.

Snooki is pregnant.  While she claims her boyfriend Gianni is the father, I wouldn’t be surprised if the baby comes out with a receding hairline and a smug, undeserved sense of accomplishment.

Bruce Springsteen is touring again. I tried to get tickets but – surprise! – Ticketmaster screwed me over.  On the bright side, since I couldn’t see Bruce last week, I went to Video Games Live instead!  It was amazing!  They have an orchestra performing music from video games – it’s actually a lot cooler than it sounds.  Maybe.

During the show, they played the music from Castlevania and brought out the woman who composed the original soundtrack for the game. Who looked like she was 20, despite the fact that the game came out in 1986. She must be undead just like the characters in the game.  Anyway, it turns out that this women recently moved from Japan to New Jersey. Why anyone would do that is beyond me.

One more update – I’m actually going to Japan! While I wish I could say it’s to investigate why Kinuyo Yamashita left her home country for the Armpit of America, it’s more of a vacation.  But maybe it will inspire to bring back my old State Vs. State (or country) feature. Maybe.

Posted in NJ Personalities, Random | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

A Sad Day in New Jersey

Posted by armpitofamerica on February 14, 2012

Today, the body of Whitney Houston was flown back to her home city of Newark, New Jersey.  And to coincide with her funeral on Saturday, Governor Chris Christie has ordered all flags to be flown at half-mast in honor of her passing.  How sad is that?  I mean, really.  She was a singer at best and a drug addict at worst.  Does this deserve the rare honor usually reserved for military people and our state’s former governors?  You know, people who actually did stuff to serve and protect the state and country?

I don’t mean to sound insensitive, but I just think the whole thing is a bit excessive.  Though she grew up in the Armpit of America, she hasn’t lived here since she became famous.  So why is Christie calling her such an icon and giving her this rare distinction?  Especially for someone who spent the last decade of her life addicted to Bobby Brown and crack. Sure, she was a talented singer, but does that automatically pardon her poor life choices?

What worries me is the precedent this action sets up – if we have to fly the flags at half-mast for every dead crackhead from Newark, the American flag may never fly at full mast in New Jersey ever again.

In other sad news from North Jersey, the city of Hoboken decided not to allow MTV to film Snooki and J-WOWW in a spinoff of “Jersey Shore.”  Instead, the show will be filmed in Jersey City.  I could care less.  Yes, that’s right.  I’m over “Jersey Shore.”  Five seasons in, the show has completely lost the luster of its first season.  Gone is the fun and goofy group we came to know.  Instead, we have a bunch of millionaires trying to outdo each other to get more screen time and more endorsements.

Posted in NJ Personalities | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

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