Armpit of America

A blog about New Jersey, the state we love to hate!

Posts Tagged ‘Jersey Shore’

Movie Review: Eddie and the Cruisers

Posted by armpitofamerica on February 10, 2013

eddieWow it’s been a while.  Between long days at work, a hurricane, and more long days at work, I haven’t been able to blog as much as I’d like.  But last night I saw a movie that got my bloggy juices flowing again: 1983’s Eddie and the Cruisers.

Let me start by saying this isn’t the greatest movie, not by a long shot. It moves incredibly slow, it’s impossible to identify or sympathize with the characters, and the plot is kinda dumb.  So why blog about it?  Because the movie takes place in New Jersey!

Starring a young and fresh-faced Ellen Barkin (before she became an old yet still oddly fresh-faced Ellen Barkin), and a bunch of no-name character actors from the 80s, the film tells the story of Jersey Shore bar band, Eddie and the Cruisers.  Though briefly successful in 1963, the band disbanded when lead singer Eddie Wilson seemingly committed suicide after the record label refused to release their second album, because it sucked.  Eighteen years later, with the re-release of the band’s premier album, Eddie and the Cruisers are more popular than ever.

Under these circumstances, Barkin’s journalist character decides to interview the surviving band members to find out two things – what happened to the recordings for the second album, which somehow disappeared the day after Eddie disappeared, and whether there’s the possibility that Eddie might have faked his own death. Yadda yadda, I told you this wasn’t the best movie.

What makes the movie interesting though is the music – which is pretty much identical to Bruce Springsteen’s.  In fact, the entire band is pretty much a recreation of Bruce and the E Street Band.  You have the brooding, strong-jawed lead singer growling through each song (Springsteen), the talentless female backup singer/tambourine player who’s just there because she’s sleeping with the singer (Bruce’s wife, Patti), an African-American saxophonist (Clarence Clemmons), and a guitar player angling for the spotlight (Steven van Zandt).  And just like the real E Street Band, there are a couple other generic members who just kind of blend in.

Even the main theme from the movie, and Eddie and the Cruisers’ biggest hit, could easily pass for a Bruce song.  “On the Dark Side,” which appears on the radio everyone now and then, would not be out of place at all on a Springsteen album – the name is obviously inspired by “Darkness on the Edge of Town” and the song itself is reminiscent of “She’s the One.” Keep in mind, the story takes place in 1963, yet the music is clearly inspired by mid-70s rock. So, how does the movie explain that discrepancy? Eddie and the Cruisers were clearly ahead of their time!  In fact, that’s why the record label hated the band’s second album – the 1963 audience couldn’t appreciate it!

So, whatever happened to the lost recordings?  And is Eddie really alive after all of these years?  And why the hell does the end suddenly turn into a horror movie?  You’ll have to see it yourself to find out – or at least watch the last five minutes, when all loose ends are neatly and conveniently tied up.  Ok, despite the negative review, it is still a fun movie, with plenty of Jersey references to make it worthwhile.  If you live outside the state, though, don’t waste your time.

Posted in Music, Reviews | Tagged: , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Age Progression Images of Snooki and Friends in 20 Years

Posted by armpitofamerica on June 12, 2012

Making her first appearance on this blog is Patricia “Tan Mom” Krentcil.  For those who don’t know about Tan Mom, this overly tan New Jersey woman was accused of taking her daughter into a tanning both with her. While that has yet to be proven, one thing we know for sure is that she goes tanning a bit too much.  But 20 years earlier, she was quite the looker.

After viewing these before and after pictures and seeing the drastic changes that excessive tanning has caused to this once attractive woman, it got me thinking about the cast of “Jersey Shore” and what they will look like in 20 years.  Using the most advanced age progression technology (Google image search and Microsoft Paint), I have created some images of what I think Snooki and friends will look like after two decades of tanning and partying. Enjoy!

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Snooki

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Paulie D.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Jersey Shore, MTV's "Jersey Shore" | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Bar A: More Like Bar Eh.

Posted by armpitofamerica on June 6, 2012

I’ve written about Belmar’s Lake Como’s famous Bar A before.  Like how it’s the perfect place to hang out on those hot summer nights. And how whether you’re a guido, hipster, hippie, frat boy or nerd, you can call this place home.  And how I implored those who have never been there to check it out.

After going there for the first time in 2012 last weekend, I take that all back.

The place has just changed so drastically since I started going six years ago. I’ve mentioned this in a previous post, but Bar A’s trademark sand volley ball court, right in the middle of the outdoor section, is now populated by stupid-looking faux beach cabanas.  While the intention was to make it look like a Miami bar, they still don’t hide the truth that you’re in New Jersey on a reconfigured volleyball court.  In the old days (like three years ago) the volley ball court was a nice respite from the crowds of sweaty Jersey Shore-ians fist pumping to bad techno music – it was dark and quiet, with just a few cheap plastic chairs scattered around. Now you’re lucky if you can find any chair in the entire bar – unless you pay for it.

In the past, there were tables and chairs scattered all over the place. Today, all those tables are now quarantined off into various VIP sections where you have to fork over $400 for the privilege of sitting.  Sure, you might get lucky and find a spot on the ledge surrounding the landscaping – until one of the Magilla Gorilla bouncers shoes you off.  And, as happened to me last summer, those bouncers won’t just throw you off the ledge, they’ll physically remove you from the bar if you don’t play by their stupid, biased rules.

What troubled me most about my recent visit is their new stamping policy.  You know the drill – if you need to leave a bar, you get your hand stamped so you can get back in without having to pay the ridiculous $10 cover.  Well, on this last visit, I had to leave for a bit and planned on coming back.  When I got to the exit, I presented the back of my hand to the bouncer, expecting to be stamped in this typical spot.  I was then instructed to turn my arm over, and received my stamp.

As I walked out of the bar, I looked at my arm and was shocked – the stamp wasn’t the typical star, or smiley face, or whatever.  It was a bunch of random numbers.  On my forearm.  You don’t have to be Jewish to understand how offensive this is.

Bar A has always run a tight ship – I just had no idea that ship was a U-Boat full of Nazis. Tan, greasy, bulked-up-on-steroids Nazis.

Posted in Bars, Belmar | Tagged: , , , | 1 Comment »

The Puzzling Jersey Shore Puzzle

Posted by armpitofamerica on May 12, 2012

Let’s face it – puzzles are boring.  And if there’s one thing worse than doing a puzzle, it’s reading about someone else doing a puzzle.  Except when the puzzle in question is a 300-piece portrait of the cast of Jersey Shore!

Things started out easy enough – I did the border first, just as they teach you in puzzle class.  But when it came to putting the cast together, I ran into some serious problems.  Why, you ask?  Well, it’s pretty difficult trying to figure out which piece belongs to which person when they all have shiny orange skin, manicured nails, and way too much jewelry:

So, I had to continue working from the outside in; it was easier to follow the grain in the wall and the pattern of the carpet than to determine whose orange leg or greasy hair belonged to whom. The clothes helped a bit in putting these idiots together – purple dress for Sammi, leopard print for Deena, overly stretched out black pleather for Snooki.

Eventually everything came together and I was almost done with my masterpiece. I just had a few more pieces to fit in before I could call this puzzle finished.

After figuring out where to put Snooki’s wonky eye:

Pauly D’s scalp:

J-WOWW’s tits:

and Deena’s sexy cankle:

I have a finished puzzle!

Posted in MTV's "Jersey Shore", Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

A Sad Day in New Jersey

Posted by armpitofamerica on February 14, 2012

Today, the body of Whitney Houston was flown back to her home city of Newark, New Jersey.  And to coincide with her funeral on Saturday, Governor Chris Christie has ordered all flags to be flown at half-mast in honor of her passing.  How sad is that?  I mean, really.  She was a singer at best and a drug addict at worst.  Does this deserve the rare honor usually reserved for military people and our state’s former governors?  You know, people who actually did stuff to serve and protect the state and country?

I don’t mean to sound insensitive, but I just think the whole thing is a bit excessive.  Though she grew up in the Armpit of America, she hasn’t lived here since she became famous.  So why is Christie calling her such an icon and giving her this rare distinction?  Especially for someone who spent the last decade of her life addicted to Bobby Brown and crack. Sure, she was a talented singer, but does that automatically pardon her poor life choices?

What worries me is the precedent this action sets up – if we have to fly the flags at half-mast for every dead crackhead from Newark, the American flag may never fly at full mast in New Jersey ever again.

In other sad news from North Jersey, the city of Hoboken decided not to allow MTV to film Snooki and J-WOWW in a spinoff of “Jersey Shore.”  Instead, the show will be filmed in Jersey City.  I could care less.  Yes, that’s right.  I’m over “Jersey Shore.”  Five seasons in, the show has completely lost the luster of its first season.  Gone is the fun and goofy group we came to know.  Instead, we have a bunch of millionaires trying to outdo each other to get more screen time and more endorsements.

Posted in NJ Personalities | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

 
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