Posted by armpitofamerica on June 12, 2012
Making her first appearance on this blog is Patricia “Tan Mom” Krentcil. For those who don’t know about Tan Mom, this overly tan New Jersey woman was accused of taking her daughter into a tanning both with her. While that has yet to be proven, one thing we know for sure is that she goes tanning a bit too much. But 20 years earlier, she was quite the looker.
After viewing these before and after pictures and seeing the drastic changes that excessive tanning has caused to this once attractive woman, it got me thinking about the cast of “Jersey Shore” and what they will look like in 20 years. Using the most advanced age progression technology (Google image search and Microsoft Paint), I have created some images of what I think Snooki and friends will look like after two decades of tanning and partying. Enjoy!
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted in Jersey Shore, MTV's "Jersey Shore" | Tagged: guidettes, guidos, J-WOWW, Jersey Shore, MTV, snooki, tan mom, the situation | Leave a Comment »
Posted by armpitofamerica on May 12, 2012
Let’s face it – puzzles are boring. And if there’s one thing worse than doing a puzzle, it’s reading about someone else doing a puzzle. Except when the puzzle in question is a 300-piece portrait of the cast of Jersey Shore!
Things started out easy enough – I did the border first, just as they teach you in puzzle class. But when it came to putting the cast together, I ran into some serious problems. Why, you ask? Well, it’s pretty difficult trying to figure out which piece belongs to which person when they all have shiny orange skin, manicured nails, and way too much jewelry:
So, I had to continue working from the outside in; it was easier to follow the grain in the wall and the pattern of the carpet than to determine whose orange leg or greasy hair belonged to whom. The clothes helped a bit in putting these idiots together – purple dress for Sammi, leopard print for Deena, overly stretched out black pleather for Snooki.
Eventually everything came together and I was almost done with my masterpiece. I just had a few more pieces to fit in before I could call this puzzle finished.
After figuring out where to put Snooki’s wonky eye:
Pauly D’s scalp:
and Deena’s sexy cankle:
I have a finished puzzle!
Posted in MTV's "Jersey Shore", Uncategorized | Tagged: guidos, J-WOWW, Jersey Shore, MTV, puzzles, Random, snooki, the situation | Leave a Comment »
Posted by armpitofamerica on February 14, 2012
Today, the body of Whitney Houston was flown back to her home city of Newark, New Jersey. And to coincide with her funeral on Saturday, Governor Chris Christie has ordered all flags to be flown at half-mast in honor of her passing. How sad is that? I mean, really. She was a singer at best and a drug addict at worst. Does this deserve the rare honor usually reserved for military people and our state’s former governors? You know, people who actually did stuff to serve and protect the state and country?
I don’t mean to sound insensitive, but I just think the whole thing is a bit excessive. Though she grew up in the Armpit of America, she hasn’t lived here since she became famous. So why is Christie calling her such an icon and giving her this rare distinction? Especially for someone who spent the last decade of her life addicted to Bobby Brown and crack. Sure, she was a talented singer, but does that automatically pardon her poor life choices?
What worries me is the precedent this action sets up – if we have to fly the flags at half-mast for every dead crackhead from Newark, the American flag may never fly at full mast in New Jersey ever again.
In other sad news from North Jersey, the city of Hoboken decided not to allow MTV to film Snooki and J-WOWW in a spinoff of “Jersey Shore.” Instead, the show will be filmed in Jersey City. I could care less. Yes, that’s right. I’m over “Jersey Shore.” Five seasons in, the show has completely lost the luster of its first season. Gone is the fun and goofy group we came to know. Instead, we have a bunch of millionaires trying to outdo each other to get more screen time and more endorsements.
Posted in NJ Personalities | Tagged: Chris Christie, J-WOWW, Jersey Shore, MTV, snooki | Leave a Comment »
Posted by armpitofamerica on December 18, 2011
It tastes like burning...and Snooki
Due to a certain show on MTV, the Jersey Shore is more popular than ever. To appease a public hungry for all things Jersey Shore and to capitalize on it, companies are selling anything related to the shore in one way or another. So, this holiday season, you can buy the guido-wannabes in your life all sorts of Jersey Shore merchandise, like ornaments and perfume. Just put the words “Jersey Shore” on something, and you’ll have a bunch of idiots willing to by it.
I am one of those idiots.
While at the liquor store the other night looking for something to bring to a Chanukah party, I saw a bumper-sticker-like Jersey Shore label stuck on a bottle of vodka. Being the fanboy that I am, I snatched it up and brought it to the register without giving a second thought. After taking it home, I realized that some things are worth deliberating. Jersey Shore branded vodka is one of those things.
This Jersey Shore vodka has nothing to do with the MTV show of the same name. It doesn’t really have much to do with the real Jersey Shore either. Though the perimeter of the label is lined with the names of various party towns on the Jersey Shore, there is one glaring mistake. Among all the locations known for their bars and crazy nightlife, like Seaside, Pt. Pleasant, Wildwood, and Belmar, appears Spring Lake, a town known for rich old people and little else. Why Spring Lake would be included on a bottle of vodka is beyond me. Read the rest of this entry »
Posted in Random, Reviews | Tagged: drunk, guidos, Jersey Shore, MTV, Random, vodka | Leave a Comment »
Posted by armpitofamerica on August 16, 2011
America’s favorite overpaid, overexposed, and overdone
white tan trash 20-somethings are back! And in Italy! Because it wasn’t enough that the rest of the country had to hate New Jersey, now the show gives reason for the rest of the world to hate the U.S!
So why Italy? You know, because everyone in the cast always brags about how Italian they are. Despite half of them having last names like Farley, Ortiz, and Pivarnick or having an Italian name but being of Chilean ancestry. Whatever. I’m Jewish and I’m confident that I know more about Italian culture than even the real Italian members of the cast do.
"Watch out, Italy, you's about ta get smushed!"
Now let’s check in and see what our favorite guidos and guidettes have been up to, and what they hope to get out of their free trip to Italy: Read the rest of this entry »
Posted in MTV's "Jersey Shore" | Tagged: guidettes, guidos, J-WOWW, Jersey Shore, MTV, reality shows, snooki, the situation | Leave a Comment »