Posted by armpitofamerica on May 12, 2012
Let’s face it – puzzles are boring. And if there’s one thing worse than doing a puzzle, it’s reading about someone else doing a puzzle. Except when the puzzle in question is a 300-piece portrait of the cast of Jersey Shore!
Things started out easy enough – I did the border first, just as they teach you in puzzle class. But when it came to putting the cast together, I ran into some serious problems. Why, you ask? Well, it’s pretty difficult trying to figure out which piece belongs to which person when they all have shiny orange skin, manicured nails, and way too much jewelry:
So, I had to continue working from the outside in; it was easier to follow the grain in the wall and the pattern of the carpet than to determine whose orange leg or greasy hair belonged to whom. The clothes helped a bit in putting these idiots together – purple dress for Sammi, leopard print for Deena, overly stretched out black pleather for Snooki.
Eventually everything came together and I was almost done with my masterpiece. I just had a few more pieces to fit in before I could call this puzzle finished.
After figuring out where to put Snooki’s wonky eye:
Pauly D’s scalp:
and Deena’s sexy cankle:
I have a finished puzzle!
Posted in MTV's "Jersey Shore", Uncategorized | Tagged: guidos, J-WOWW, Jersey Shore, MTV, puzzles, Random, snooki, the situation | Leave a Comment »
Posted by armpitofamerica on April 25, 2012
The other night I tried Jersey Devil Honey Wine, produced by the Valenzano Winery located in Shamong, New Jersey. While I never heard of the town before, apparently it’s located in the Pine Barrens, birthplace of the Jersey Devil, hence the name of the wine. As you can see in the (horrible) pic below, it has probably the coolest looking label ever, with the Armpit of America’s most famous monster (sorry, Snooki) surrounded by bees.
I know we’re not supposed to judge a book by its cover, but I’m totally judging this bottle of wine by the label. With the fricken Jersey Devil AND bees, how could it not be bad?
So how did does it taste? Well, it’s thick as syrup and cloyingly sweet….which is exactly how this connoisseur of fine wine likes it. Just like the Manischewitz wine I grew up with.
So if you like wine that tastes like extra sweet grape juice with a touch of honey, give Valenzano Jersey Devil Honey Wine a try. They also make a bunch of other wines, inspired by the fruits of the Pine Barrens, like blueberry wine, cranberry wine, and even “cranpagne.”
Posted in Food, Random | Tagged: drunk, New Jersey, Random, wine | 2 Comments »
Posted by armpitofamerica on December 30, 2011
Tired of all those stupid, pointless lists every single website has been needlessly churning out all this week? Me neither. Here are my favorite things I’ve written this past year, in no particular order.
1) The Most Surprising Thing I’ve Ever Seen in New Jersey – Come along as I uncover a little known event in New Jersey – a farm animal auction. You’ll see a cardboard box full of roosters, miniature horses, and an Amish auctioneer.
2) My Latest Obsession: Teresa Guidice – This past year, I got hooked on Real Housewives of New Jersey. And what was it that drew me in? The crazy-eyed train wreck that is Teresa Guidice.
3) ArmpitNJ.com Exclusive: Snooki’s First Draft! – Snooki became a best-selling author this year, but all the credit should go to her ghost writer. I managed to get my hands on Snooki’s original draft for A Shore Thing.
4) Killer Klowns from Outer Space: A Review – Sure, the movie doesn’t really have anything to do with New Jersey. But it was so krazy I couldn’t resist writing about it.
5) No Escape from “Escape from New Jersey” – What better way to spend a night than playing a drinking board game? This simple game just proves that there really is no escape from the Armpit of America.
Posted in Random, Top 5 | Tagged: Jersey Shore, New Jersey, Random, RHONJ, snooki | Leave a Comment »
Posted by armpitofamerica on December 18, 2011
It tastes like burning...and Snooki
Due to a certain show on MTV, the Jersey Shore is more popular than ever. To appease a public hungry for all things Jersey Shore and to capitalize on it, companies are selling anything related to the shore in one way or another. So, this holiday season, you can buy the guido-wannabes in your life all sorts of Jersey Shore merchandise, like ornaments and perfume. Just put the words “Jersey Shore” on something, and you’ll have a bunch of idiots willing to by it.
I am one of those idiots.
While at the liquor store the other night looking for something to bring to a Chanukah party, I saw a bumper-sticker-like Jersey Shore label stuck on a bottle of vodka. Being the fanboy that I am, I snatched it up and brought it to the register without giving a second thought. After taking it home, I realized that some things are worth deliberating. Jersey Shore branded vodka is one of those things.
This Jersey Shore vodka has nothing to do with the MTV show of the same name. It doesn’t really have much to do with the real Jersey Shore either. Though the perimeter of the label is lined with the names of various party towns on the Jersey Shore, there is one glaring mistake. Among all the locations known for their bars and crazy nightlife, like Seaside, Pt. Pleasant, Wildwood, and Belmar, appears Spring Lake, a town known for rich old people and little else. Why Spring Lake would be included on a bottle of vodka is beyond me. Read the rest of this entry »
Posted in Random, Reviews | Tagged: drunk, guidos, Jersey Shore, MTV, Random, vodka | Leave a Comment »
Posted by armpitofamerica on November 25, 2011
Any person growing up in New Jersey has often felt the need to get out of New Jersey. And while some act on this desire and move to another state, many – myself included- are fated to stay in the Armpit of America forever. This constant struggle of wanting to get out but realizing you never will is perfectly exemplified by the board game “Escape from New Jersey.” Not sure where else you can find it, but I got mine at True Jersey Supply Company, a store in Belmar full of all things Jersey.
As you can see above, Escape from New Jersey isn’t technically a board game. It’s more of a laminated piece of paper that comes in a cardboard tube, so you’ll need to weigh down the corners to keep it from rolling back up. And rather than having real game pieces, you just get cheap plastic cowboys and Indians that can’t even stand up on their own. Yeah, the whole thing is pretty flimsy. Flimsy, but fun. Read the rest of this entry »
Posted in Random | Tagged: beer, board games, drunk, New Jersey, Random | 2 Comments »