Making her first appearance on this blog is Patricia “Tan Mom” Krentcil. For those who don’t know about Tan Mom, this overly tan New Jersey woman was accused of taking her daughter into a tanning both with her. While that has yet to be proven, one thing we know for sure is that she goes tanning a bit too much. But 20 years earlier, she was quite the looker.
After viewing these before and after pictures and seeing the drastic changes that excessive tanning has caused to this once attractive woman, it got me thinking about the cast of “Jersey Shore” and what they will look like in 20 years. Using the most advanced age progression technology (Google image search and Microsoft Paint), I have created some images of what I think Snooki and friends will look like after two decades of tanning and partying. Enjoy!
Let’s face it – puzzles are boring. And if there’s one thing worse than doing a puzzle, it’s reading about someone else doing a puzzle. Except when the puzzle in question is a 300-piece portrait of the cast of Jersey Shore!
Things started out easy enough – I did the border first, just as they teach you in puzzle class. But when it came to putting the cast together, I ran into some serious problems. Why, you ask? Well, it’s pretty difficult trying to figure out which piece belongs to which person when they all have shiny orange skin, manicured nails, and way too much jewelry:
So, I had to continue working from the outside in; it was easier to follow the grain in the wall and the pattern of the carpet than to determine whose orange leg or greasy hair belonged to whom. The clothes helped a bit in putting these idiots together – purple dress for Sammi, leopard print for Deena, overly stretched out black pleather for Snooki.
Eventually everything came together and I was almost done with my masterpiece. I just had a few more pieces to fit in before I could call this puzzle finished.
After figuring out where to put Snooki’s wonky eye:
America’s favorite overpaid, overexposed, and overdone white tan trash 20-somethings are back! And in Italy! Because it wasn’t enough that the rest of the country had to hate New Jersey, now the show gives reason for the rest of the world to hate the U.S!
So why Italy? You know, because everyone in the cast always brags about how Italian they are. Despite half of them having last names like Farley, Ortiz, and Pivarnick or having an Italian name but being of Chilean ancestry. Whatever. I’m Jewish and I’m confident that I know more about Italian culture than even the real Italian members of the cast do.
"Watch out, Italy, you's about ta get smushed!"
Now let’s check in and see what our favorite guidos and guidettes have been up to, and what they hope to get out of their free trip to Italy: Read the rest of this entry »
As much as I love New Jersey, even I’ll admit that there are a lot of assholes in this state. The Armpit of America would definitely be a lot less stinky if certain people were to leave and never come back. Any reader of this blog shouldn’t have too much trouble figuring out who I would like to kick out of New Jersey forever. (HINT: His name rhymes with Miss Misty.) But I want to know who you’d like to banish.
Below you’ll find some of the Garden State’s most famous and polarizing characters. So let me know your thoughts by choosing who you would want to get rid of. If your choice isn’t listed here, share your choice by leaving me a comment.
Yes, this truck says “1-800-DOG-POOP” on it. Apparently it’s a dog waste cleaning service, which isn’t too uncommon. But I sure got a kick out of it.
Aside from that, here are a couple other stinky things going on in the Armpit of America:
Governor Chris Christie got booed during his commencement address at Seton Hall.
Lieutenant Governor Kim Guadagno also got booed at a graduation. (They probably should have left those two little boys in charge).
The Situation’s father is just as big of a loser as his son. He set up a site called The Confrontation, with the goal of slandering his son.
Well, that’s about it from me. On a side note, I’m leaving shortly for vacation! As much as I love New Jersey, it’s good to get away every now and then – it just makes me appreciate the state even more.