ArmpitNJ.com

Because you can never have too many hyphens...or hos...

New Jersey is home to almost 9 million people, all of whom are crammed into the state’s many cities and towns.  These municipalities have a wide variety of names.  Some are named after historical figures.  A lot are named after places in Britain.  A few even get their names from the Armpit of America’s original Native American inhabitants.  Whatever the case may be, some of these town names are pretty damn stupid.

1) Ho-Ho-Kus – Not quite Hoboken, not quite Hocus Pocus, Ho-Ho-Kus is probably the weirdest name of any town in New Jersey, if not the entire country.  Though the experts aren’t sure whether the name is derived from Dutch or a Native American language, they are sure that it is a bastardization of a word from one of these languages.  The various theories say that the name originally meant “running water,” “oak trees,” or “gray fox.”  However, the most widely accepted definition of Ho-Ho-Kus is “stuck up rich people living in a town with a stupid name.”

2) West New York – This town is in a tie with Kansas City, Missouri for having the most confusing name.  Despite having the words “New” and “York” in the title, West New York is in New Jersey.  Sure, it’s right across the Hudson River from Manhattan, but still.  As much as its residents try to make people think that they don’t live in the Armpit of America, they can’t deny the geography.  On a side note, the one person I know from West New York is a total douche.

3) Surf City – With a name like that, you would think that Surf City is the surfing capital of the world.  Any town calling itself Surf City should be surrounded by palm trees and beach-side taco stands and overly tan bimbos and jocks carrying surfboards everywhere, right?  Alas, this Surf City doesn’t have any of that.  Although it is on the beach, the town is only famous for being the home of Mary Ellen McCann, a senior citizens’ rights activist.  So, if you ever wanna go to Surf City, you’re better off bringing a pair of dentures than a surf board.

4) Loveladies – A little up the shore from Surf City is a town called Loveladies.  What the hell kind of a name is that?  I mean, I love ladies as much as the next guy, but I certainly wouldn’t name a town after that fact.  It’s like whoever was in charge of naming the town had to go out of his way to prove his heterosexuality.  Okay, the real story is that it was founded by a guy with the last name of Lovelady, and eventually his town became known as Loveladies.  A somewhat reasonable explanation, but that leaves me with another question.  What kind of last name is Lovelady??

5) Possumtown – This is probably the most surprising item on the list.  Though technically not a town, Possumtown is a section of the also stupidly named Piscataway.  Well, town or section of a town, Possumtown is a stupid name.  It would be a fine and fitting name for any town in West Virginia or Tennessee, but New Jersey?  Sure, we have our share of possums in the Armpit of America, but I still can’t believe someone in this state would want to name a section of a town after those dirty animals.  The only thing worse would be a name like Guidotown or East Snookiville or Thesituationburg.  But, since those towns don’t exist (yet), Possumtown holds the title of stupidest town name in New Jersey.

Did I miss any stupid town names?  Leave me a comment telling me your choices for New Jersey’s stupidest towns!

This entry was posted on April 1, 2010 at 9:45 pm and is filed under Top 5. You can subscribe via RSS 2.0 feed to this post's comments.

Tags: Jersey Shore, New Jersey, New Jersey Towns, stupid