Top 5 New Jersey Towns With Stupid Names

Because you can never have too many hyphens...or hos...

New Jersey is home to almost 9 million people, all of whom are crammed into the state’s many cities and towns.  These municipalities have a wide variety of names.  Some are named after historical figures.  A lot are named after places in Britain.  A few even get their names from the Armpit of America’s original Native American inhabitants.  Whatever the case may be, some of these town names are pretty damn stupid.

1) Ho-Ho-Kus – Not quite Hoboken, not quite Hocus Pocus, Ho-Ho-Kus is probably the weirdest name of any town in New Jersey, if not the entire country.  Though the experts aren’t sure whether the name is derived from Dutch or a Native American language, they are sure that it is a bastardization of a word from one of these languages.  The various theories say that the name originally meant “running water,” “oak trees,” or “gray fox.”  However, the most widely accepted definition of Ho-Ho-Kus is “stuck up rich people living in a town with a stupid name.”

2) West New York – This town is in a tie with Kansas City, Missouri for having the most confusing name.  Despite having the words “New” and “York” in the title, West New York is in New Jersey.  Sure, it’s right across the Hudson River from Manhattan, but still.  As much as its residents try to make people think that they don’t live in the Armpit of America, they can’t deny the geography.  On a side note, the one person I know from West New York is a total douche.

3) Surf City – With a name like that, you would think that Surf City is the surfing capital of the world.  Any town calling itself Surf City should be surrounded by palm trees and beach-side taco stands and overly tan bimbos and jocks carrying surfboards everywhere, right?  Alas, this Surf City doesn’t have any of that.  Although it is on the beach, the town is only famous for being the home of Mary Ellen McCann, a senior citizens’ rights activist.  So, if you ever wanna go to Surf City, you’re better off bringing a pair of dentures than a surf board.

4) Loveladies – A little up the shore from Surf City is a town called Loveladies.  What the hell kind of a name is that?  I mean, I love ladies as much as the next guy, but I certainly wouldn’t name a town after that fact.  It’s like whoever was in charge of naming the town had to go out of his way to prove his heterosexuality.  Okay, the real story is that it was founded by a guy with the last name of Lovelady, and eventually his town became known as Loveladies.  A somewhat reasonable explanation, but that leaves me with another question.  What kind of last name is Lovelady??

5) Possumtown – This is probably the most surprising item on the list.  Though technically not a town, Possumtown is a section of the also stupidly named Piscataway.  Well, town or section of a town, Possumtown is a stupid name.  It would be a fine and fitting name for any town in West Virginia or Tennessee, but New Jersey?  Sure, we have our share of possums in the Armpit of America, but I still can’t believe someone in this state would want to name a section of a town after those dirty animals.  The only thing worse would be a name like Guidotown or East Snookiville or Thesituationburg.  But, since those towns don’t exist (yet), Possumtown holds the title of stupidest town name in New Jersey.

Did I miss any stupid town names?  Leave me a comment telling me your choices for New Jersey’s stupidest towns!

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8 Comments on “Top 5 New Jersey Towns With Stupid Names”

  1. nog Says:

    Bellmawr->can’t say it w/o thinking of Belmar

    wall, brick, little egg harbor?

    PA puts our weird names to shame by the way: Intercourse, Jersey Shore, Eighty Four, Blue Ball, Beaver, Dingmans Ferry…it goes on and on and on…

    • armpitofamerica Says:

      Yes, Pennsylvania definitely has some weird names…but I think New Jersey still has its fair share – Teaneck? Tenafly? Succasunna? Wannamassa? Et cetera?

  2. J-LEMMM! Says:

    hmmm….is the person from west new york who i think it is?

  3. mark m. Says:

    Hey Dude!
    I did a quick search and came up with these other stupid NJ towns:

    A-Country-Place
    Buttzville
    Cheesequake
    Comical Corners
    Coontown
    Dicktown
    Foul Rift
    Gigantic City
    Good Intent
    Manunka Chunk
    Miami Beach
    Scrappy Corner
    Skin Comer
    Timbuctoo
    WaterWitch
    Wyoming

  4. fistulas Says:

    fissure…

    […]Top 5 New Jersey Towns With Stupid Names « Armpit of America[…]…

  5. SeansterL Says:

    I think Hazlet NJ is funny and Ps I live here


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