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The Pine Barrens cover a large swath of South Jersey and are home to lots of pine trees, pineys (the locals), and some unique wildlife found nowhere else in the Armpit of America. It’s also the stomping grounds of the Jersey Devil – the one of mythological fame, not Chris Christie (anyone remember him?). And there are several creepy cabins you can rent there, too!

So against better judgement, we decided to rent one of these cabins with no TV, no heat, and barest of bones furnishings with an almost-three-year-old. While it was nice to get away from it all, it was pretty damn creepy. Even the drive to get there, passing several trailer parks filled with the aforementioned pineys on dusty, desolate roads was unsettling.

But the creepy factor really set it once we got to what was described as a charming, rustic cabin. I mean look at this thing. Is that not straight out of every horror movie that takes place in a cabin?

If you think the outside is creepy, just take a look at what the inside had in store. Literally every where you looked could have been the filming location for many a horror movie cliche. For instance, there was the upstairs “master bedroom” – perfect for those frisky teens looking for a spot to hook up until disrupted mid-coitus by a psycho killer:

This creepy closet under the stairs that was nailed shut for some reason. I’m guessing the last guests who stayed here lost a member of their party to a demon possession and had to keep him/her/it at bay:

The weird finger-like stains on the door only verify this hypothesis:

The fireplace obviously doubled as an alter to summon Satan, while conveniently big enough to push an unsuspecting victim into (and a gate to keep them from getting out):

The view from the back porch looked over this eerily calm lake, perfect for the decomposed body of someone who drowned two decades earlier to emerge in the middle of the night to get their revenge:

The door to the shed, which likely hid a range of rusty old saws, pruning sheers, metal rakes, and dead bodies:

And who knows what horrors lay in wait behind this shower curtain?

Apparently, it was just some mildew (I know, pretty horrific):

But perhaps the scariest part was that the whole cabin seemed to have been put together with foil and duct tape:

Given the level of creepiness throughout the cabin, I had to keep reminding myself that those situations only happen in movies. Except there was quite a scare our final night:

At one point, a loud pickup truck pulled into the driveway, with its headlights shining right into the main window, and the overwhelming smell of gasoline overtaking the cabin. I was seriously scared shitless. Was it some redneck pineys we inadvertently offended at the gas station? Some murderer hunting down random victims? Or maybe just some horny teenagers looking for a place to sneak off to (where they would then be disrupted mid-coitus by a psycho killer)?

After a few minutes the truck drove off and we breathed a little easier. But still, that was pretty nerve-wracking. The next morning, I expected to see some message painted on the wall, like “GO HOME” or “GET OUT” but nope. There was nothing to be afraid of.

Except when getting ready to leave and finding this horrible creature clinging to the car:

This entry was posted on October 27, 2019 at 6:55 pm and is filed under Armpit Adventures. You can subscribe via RSS 2.0 feed to this post's comments.

Tags: cabins, creepy, horror movies, pine barrens, south jersey