ArmpitNJ.com

Caution: blatant false advertising!

It’s been a while since I’ve written one of my Atlantic City recaps. Not necessarily a while since I’ve been there, my trips just haven’t been too noteworthy. But that all changed last weekend during a trip to Resorts Hotel and Casino. Don’t worry, no one else ever heard of it either.

The reason for the trip was my girlfriend’s birthday – and her venue of choice was Boogie Nights, a 70s/80s themed club in AC. The club is located at the aforementioned Resorts, which is noteworthy for absolutely nothing else. Since we knew it was going to be a late night, we decided to get a room there as well. After spending a night at Resorts, I can officially declare that the establishment is a pus-filled zit on the Armpit of America.

I never knew too much about Resorts, and I wish I could go back to my days of ignorance about it. But here’s what I knew prior to my visit: It was one of the original casinos in Atlantic City, being built in the 70s, but not much has changed since. Although all the other casinos in Atlantic City have been renovated, rebuilt, expanded, and transformed into the mega-hotels like those you’d find in Vegas, Resorts has stayed mostly unchanged. And, while all the other AC casinos have merged together into giant conglomerates, Resorts is there by itself. And for good reason.

We got there last Friday, and the trouble started as soon as we entered the parking deck. While the other casinos have split-leveled and tiered parking garages that are marvels of modern engineering, this one was small and overcrowded, with an impossibly steep ramp to get from one level to another. And, while I was trying to go up a level, the car in front of me had to stop short because another car was trying to go down the ONE-WAY ramp. Idiot.

After finally parking, we walked through the casino to get to the front desk. On the way, I couldn’t believe the amount of old people I saw. Now all casinos attract their share of the elderly, but they’re usually balanced by plenty of younger people. Resorts was pretty much all old people.

When we arrived at the lobby to check in, there were only a few people ahead of me. Yet, I ended up waiting on line for half an hour. Despite the fact that there were four people behind the desk, each old person checking in before me took like ten minutes to get their keys. And then when it finally was my turn, the guy behind the desk leaned in towards me, acts all shady, and in a quiet voice says:

“You know, we reserved some rooms at this hotel down the road if you wanted to stay there.”

Dumbfounded, I told him that I reserved a room at Resorts and would like to stay there. Apparently, they were overbooked – but that was their problem, not mine. So we checked in, got the keys, went up the elevator, and entered the room. I immediately wished I’d taken the room at the other hotel. This room was smoky and dirty. And it looked like the décor, and probably the sheets, hadn’t been changed in 30 years.  Apparently, I’m not the only one who was disappointed by the hotel: http://www.travelmuse.com/hotels/us/nj/08401/resorts-hotel-and-casino-atlantic-city

Before going to the club, we decided to eat at a place call Breadsticks Café & Grill, located within Resorts. Just like when I checked into the hotel, there was a short line to get a table, but that line took a lot longer than it should have. The service everywhere was so horrible. Not sure if it’s like this every night at Resorts, or if it was every employee’s first day or something. As for the food, it was underwhelming – not even worth mentioning further.

So later on, we went to the club. It was actually kinda fun. The only bad thing about it was, just like every other place in this damn hotel, it took forever to get a drink. And it wasn’t because the place was too crowded. The bartenders were just reaaalllly slow. And each drink was a pricey $9. And all the drinks tasted kinda funny.

The highlight of the club, though, was seeing an old lady there. Now, she would have been really out of place had she just sat at a table the whole night. But no. This bitch was up on the dance floor dancing for most of the night. I think she must have been confused when she heard that it was an 80s club, but bless her heart for giving it a try (and for putting the Madonna impersonator to shame).

I think this old lady looked more like Madonna than the professional Madonna impersonator.

After a few hours at the club, we went back to the crappy, outdated room. The beds were like rocks, the window kept rattling with the wind, and one of other people in the room was breathing heavily. These factors combined prevented me from getting any sleep. Now if this were to happen at regular hotel, I’d probably just go in the bathroom and cry. But, since there was a casino downstairs, I put on my shoes and went a-gambling.

And I won! After a few hours, I got $25 from a slot machine and about $100 from blackjack. Despite my winnings, and the fact that this was the first time in a long time that I’ve made it out of AC with a profit, the casino sucked. There was no separate non-smoking section, the layout was confusing, and, of course, everyone worked so slowly.

I think it’s safe to say that I won’t be returning to Resorts any time soon. And I suggest to all of you that you avoid this place at all costs. Despite the enticing name, there is nothing pleasant about the place. I’d only recommend Resorts as a last resort.

Have any of you ever been to Resorts?  I’d love to hear what you thought of it!

This entry was posted on March 1, 2011 at 7:08 pm and is filed under Atlantic City, Bars, Personal. You can subscribe via RSS 2.0 feed to this post's comments.

Tags: Atlantic City, Bars, casino, Personal, Resorts