ArmpitNJ.com

Two weeks from today, residents of New Jersey will head to the polls to vote for governor. Will we end up reelecting our current governor, Democrat Jon Corzine, or will we choose Republican Chris Christie or Independent Chris Daggett?

Though none of these choices are ideal, one of these three stooges will be the eventual winner. I haven’t exactly decided who I will be voting for, but I do have a good inkling. I’ll probably share my decision at some point before election day.

For those of you lucky enough to live outside the Armpit of America, or those of you who do but don’t know anything about the upcoming gubernatorial election, here is a profile of each candidate:

Photo courtesy The Star Ledger

Chris Christie – Earlier in the race, this redundantly named candidate was considered a shoe-in. The incumbent governor had dismal approval ratings, so any other option could have easily won. However, his reluctance to provide any details about what he would do for our miserable state, combined with the unexpectedly strong Daggett campaign, has hurt his chances of winning. Though the former federal prosecutor brags about fighting corruption and putting wrong-doing politicians in jail, Christie seems to have been involved in his fair share of shady politics.

Pros:

Chris Christie is not Jon Corzine.

Chris Christie likes is obsessed with Bruce Springsteen.

Cons:

Chris Christie hasn’t mentioned exactly what he’s going to do for New Jersey.

Chris Christie is a scum bag.

Photo courtesy The Star Ledger

Jon Corzine – In many ways, the current governor represents what is wrong with New Jersey politics. He seems to go by the do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do style of leadership, as evident by this whole thing. I also don’t like his negative campaign strategy of making fun of Christie’s weight. How would he like it if people made fun of him for being bald? Also, Corzine himself can be considered fat…a Wall Street fat cat to be exact. His expertise in finance was supposed to let him better handle our state’s tax and financial issues, of which there are many. But has he done anything in the last four years? No. So it’s hard to imagine he would get anything done in the next four years.

Pros:

Jon Corzine is not Chris Christie.

Jon Corzine keeps his scalp really shiny.

Cons:

Jon Corzine is a sleaze ball.

Uh, look at the last four years.

Photo courtesy The Star Ledger

Chris Daggett – Though usually third-party candidates don’t get much attention, this one sure has. Christie’s lack of specifics, Corzine’s general sketchiness, and the mud-slinging politics of both major parties have allowed Daggett to sneak in and gain some traction. While he does have a couple interesting ideas, some are a little far-fetched. For instance, he plans to cut New Jersey’s high property taxes by raising the taxes on EVERYTHING else. Also, he’s been mainly out of politics for the last twenty years, after briefly working for the Department of Environmental Protection under the first Bush. Daggett truly is a dark horse in this race – we have no idea what he will be like with free reign over the state. At the same time, being independent may prevent the state legislature from working cooperatively. Though his election would certainly change things up, we don’t know if this change would be good or bad. With Corzine or Christie, we could expect no change at all, but at least we would know what’s coming.

Pros:

Chris Daggett is not Jon Corzine or Chris Christie.

Chriss Daggett has a cool last name.

Cons:

Chris Daggett is not Jon Corzine or Chris Christie.

Who the hell is Chris Daggett?

Well, these are our three wonderful options for governor. Something tells me that no matter who wins, the Armpit of America will remain the same – stinky.

So, who are you voting for?

This entry was posted on October 20, 2009 at 10:28 pm and is filed under Random. You can subscribe via RSS 2.0 feed to this post's comments.

Tags: Chris Christie, Chris Daggett, Jon Corzine, New Jersey Governor, politics