Posted tagged ‘Jon Corzine’

Weed in the Garden State

January 12, 2010

Put that in your pipe and smoke it - legally!

After disappointingly rejecting same sex marriage last week, yesterday, the New Jersey state legislature actually realized we’re not living in the 1950s anymore. They took some progressive action and voted in favor of legalizing marijuana in the Armpit of America.

Now before you all go and smoke up, there are quite a few restrictions. The bill that got approved, and which outgoing Jon Corzine promised to sign, only allows the stuff to be used for serious medical conditions. According to this article, the only people who will be allowed to purchase marijuana are those with diseases causing them “chronic pain, nausea, seizures, muscle spasms or wasting syndrome.” That’s funny, I though you only get chronic pain and wasting syndrome AFTER smoking pot.

New Jersey is hardly a leader in this realm, since it is the 14th state to legalize marijuana. But, at least it is a step in the right direction. Though I am not a pothead by any means, the positive effects of marijuana on sick people is pretty much proven. So why should they have to sneak around to get something that can make them feel better? And why should they be charged as criminals for using something that can make the pain go away?

Anyway, the bill that got approved is the strictest of all 14 states that allow medicinal marijuana. While other states allow people with “high stress or anxiety” to qualify, none of those bullshit diseases will be enough to let you legally buy some weed. I guess that’s for the best, though. If everyone suffering from stress or anxiety in this shithole of a state could get marijuana, I don’t think all the Wawas and QuickCheks in New Jersey could keep up with the demand for Cheetos and Zebra Cakes.

All joking aside, the legislature of New Jersey finally did something right. A lot of people suffering from debilitating diseases can now get the relief they deserve, without being labeled as criminals for doing so.

Why Gay Marriage Should Be Allowed in NJ

December 8, 2009

The state legislature of New Jersey will vote this week on whether or not to make gay marriage legal in the Armpit of America. Last night, the New Jersey Senate’s Judiciary Committee voted 7-6 in favor of legalizing gay marriage. The measure will go before the entire senate this coming Thursday. Should it pass that round, the vote would then go to the State Assembly. If it passes there, it would end up on lame duck Governor Corzine’s desk, and he has vowed to sign this bill.

I, for one, hope it passes. Though I am by no means a gay rights activist, and my life will continue just as before if the bill doesn’t get passed, I simply don’t see any reason why two men or two women shouldn’t be given the same rights that us straight people have. If a completely wasted couple that just met in Las Vegas can walk into a chapel and get legally married, why can’t two women or two men that have decided to devote their lives to each other have that same privilege?

I have another reason for hoping New Jersey allows gay marriage. If it does, it would certainly make the Armpit of America a better place. Think about it. Should New Jersey grant homosexuals the right to marry, our state would likely see an influx of gays and lesbians. And when the gays and lesbians come to town, good things happen. Don’t believe me? Just look at Asbury Park. What was once a trashy, run-down ghetto, our gay brothers and sisters have transformed into a center of high culture. What were once decrepit old restaurants are now exotic fusion cuisine eateries. What was once a sleazy pawn shop is now a high-end clothing boutique. And let’s not forget about those decaying Victorian houses throughout the town that the lesbians and gays (with their unrivaled carpentry and decorating skills) have restored to their former glory.

Now if our homosexual friends can transform Asbury Park like that, imagine what they could do for the rest of the state. And if they can make New Jersey just a little more fabulous, we might finally break free of our bad reputation. Well, probably not, but it’s worth a try.

If gay marriage is allowed, New Jersey will be the sixth state in the country to make it legal. We would be in good company with several other liberal, northeastern states – Massachusetts, Connecticut, Vermont, and New Hampshire. The other state allowing gay marriage? Iowa. Yes, that middle of America state known for its farm folk and not much else allows gay marriage. New Jersey, are we really gonna let a state like Iowa outdo us on this? If we don’t act know, who knows, maybe other backwater states like Kansas or West Virginia will beat us to it as well. Aside from that, New York recently shot down its gay marriage bill. So now is our chance to outshine our bigger, more popular neighbor.

The vote to legalize gay marriage in New Jersey is pretty urgent. In about a month, Jon Corzine will leave office and Chris Christie will take over as governor. Corzine pledged to sign the bill should it reach his desk. Christie vowed to veto any such bill once he’s in office. So, hopefully our legislature will make the right decision. It will be the first step in improving the Armpit of America, and it would let the disgraced Corzine leave us with something more to remember him by than that embarrassing car crash.

Fwd: Rules for New Jersey Drivers

November 27, 2009

On several occasions over the years, I’ve received this e-mail laying out the rules for driving in New Jersey.  Though some of it is true, many points on the list are just your typical Jersey bravado.  Sure, us residents of the Armpit of America are indeed known for our aggressive natures, but this list exploits that a little too much.  All that being said, I’d like to present the contents of this continuously forwarded list, along with my response to each item.

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name; it is New-erk
not New-ark.

I have no clue why this is the first rule.  There are many other places in New Jersey to drive to or from aside from Newark.  On top of that, anyone in New Jersey knows how to pronounce Newark.  I’m sure most of the country knows as well.  The only people who might get confused are those unfortunate souls who call Delaware their home.  In case you don’t know, Delaware has a city called Newark, which they pronounce like “new-ark.”  So, this rule only applies to Delawareans.  Why the author of this list decided to cater to people in that backwater state is beyond me.  Delaware sucks.

2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to noon. The evening rush
hour is from noon to 7:00 p.m. Friday’s rush hour starts on Thursday
morning.

This rule plays up the legendary New Jersey traffic jams.  Sure it’s an exaggeration, but who in the Armpit of America hasn’t felt that our state’s rush hour lasts 24 hours a day?

3. The minimum acceptable speed on the turnpike is 85 mph. On the
parkway it’s 105 or 110. Anything less is considered “Wussy.”

Yes, people in New Jersey go faster than the speed limit.  85 mph is indeed a suitable speed for driving on the Turnpike, but 105 mph on the Garden State Parkway?  Even this sometimes-aggressive New Jersey driver doesn’t agree with that.  The parkway has way too many curves to drive that fast on.

On a more serious note, who the hell says “wussy” anymore?  I haven’t used that word since 6th grade.  The only people who still use the term “wussy” are middle-aged mothers trying to sound cool.  Change the “w” to a “p,” and then it would be more accurate.

An elusive open road in New Jersey

An elusive open road in New Jersey

4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Jersey has its
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest
tires go second. However, in Monmouth county, SUV-driving, cellphone-talking
moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

This rule is pretty accurate for the most part.  The only thing I’d suggest is mentioning something about how those assholes with loud mufflers and big tires usually don’t even stop at a stop sign.  But the part about SUV-driving, cellphone-talking moms?  So untrue.  This statement, combined with the use of the word “wussy” above just proves that some bored middle-aged woman who thinks she’s cool/tough wrote this list.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
cussed out, and possibly shot.

Again, this is mostly true.  I’m often amazed when I go through a yellow light and at least two more cars behind me will go through the light as well.  By the way, who says “cussed out”?  The only time I ever heard the word “cuss” instead of “curse” in New Jersey was when a Texas transplant said it.

6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It’s another offense that
can get you shot.

I’m calling bullshit on this one.  While us New Jerseyans are prone to road rage, you don’t get shot for honking at somebody.  It’s expected.

7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in all of Jersey.
Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the
middle of the night to make the next day’s driving a bit more exciting.

Ha!  I couldn’t agree more.  Thanks to Obama’s stimulus package, road construction is even more prevalent.  And it does indeed seem like the construction crews just move around the barrels and cones just to piss us off.  If they were doing actual work, wouldn’t we see some kind of improvement on New Jersey’s roads?

8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs,
cats, barrels, cones, celebs, rubber-neckers, shredded tires,cell-phoners,
deer and other road kill, and the Homeless feeding on any of these
items.

Another good one that is surprisingly accurate.  My only complaint?  I’ve never seen any celebrity being a road hazard.  But then again, there was this one time I was driving in the middle of the night and a Jon Bon Jovi ran into the road.  Turns out it was just a possum, but you can understand my confusion.

9. Mapquest does not work here — none of the roads are where they
say  they are or go where they say they do and all the Turnpike ez pass
lanes are moved each night once again to make your ride more exciting.

All of the above is true.  Mapquest, Google Maps, and other direction services probably conspire with the people who make the road signs just to piss us off.

That's more like it!

That's more like it!

10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been “accidentally
activated.”

It’s true, New Jersey drivers are infamous for not using turn signals.  This is one of the things about driving in the Armpit of America that really pisses me off.  I try my hardest to put on my turn signal at the appropriate time, but, occasionally, my Jersey blood forces me to neglect doing so.

11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65mph
zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be “flipped off”
accordingly. If you return the flip, you’ll be shot.

This first part is definitely accurate.  But again, the author exaggerates about getting shot.  New Jersey isn’t that dangerous as the media makes it out to be.  If someone gives you the finger, by all means, give it right back.  Unless you’re a “wussy” soccer mom, it’s pretty much expected.

12. Do not try to estimate travel time — just leave Monday
afternoon for Tuesday appointments, by noon Thursday for Friday and right after church on Sunday for anything on Monday morning.

Uh, isn’t this the same as #2?  And whoever wrote this list neglected to consider that not everyone in New Jersey is of the Christian/Catholic persuasion.  And most of those who are don’t even go to church on Sundays.

13. If you are an elected official in NJ State you can drive without
wearing your seat belts

Tying in the problems with New Jersey’s road to it’s corrupt politicians is a great way to end the list.  Who can forget our soon-to-be-ex governor’s little incident on the Parkway?  While us ordinary citizens could get ticketed for not wearing a seatbelt, Jon Corzine got away with it.  But at least he lost the election.  Now let’s just wait until Chris Christie does something stupid.  I give him 60 days.

The Governor’s Race: A Post-Mortem

November 4, 2009

Last night, 49% of New Jersey voters decided to make Chris Christie governor of the Garden State. I can’t say I’m that surprised, and I’m honestly not that disappointed. Chris Daggett was too much of a long shot to have serious chance of winning. So Chris Christie would have been my second choice. Besides, anyone would be better than Jon Corzine.

Should Daggett have been elected, it certainly would have shaken things up. However, once the news of a third-party candidate winning the governorship of New Jersey would die down, Daggett would have been left with plenty of responsibilities on his plate. Who knows what he’d be like as governor. At least with Chris Christie, we can expect the same nonsense that we’ve come to expect from our politicians in New Jersey.

large_chris-christie

Governor-Elect Chris Christie proving he can count to three. Photo taken by David Gard for the Star Ledger.

I recently read an article (which I regretfully can’t find/give the author credit) comparing the state of New Jersey politics with fans of the Boston Red Sox. Red Sox fans were so used to their team losing that their hope for the team that never made the grade became the essence of their identity. But, when the Red Sox finally won the World Series in 2004 after a long drought, the fans didn’t have to hope anymore. They no longer had to be disappointed in their team. Once this happened, those Boston fans lost their identity – they could no longer be the sympathy-inducing underdog-loving fans they once were. Rather than hoping for the best but always knowing disappointment was right around the corner, they now expect their team to be on top all the time.

The same would be the case for New Jersey, should we actually have a good, honest politician in charge. The state is known the world over for its corrupt leaders. New Jersey is the butt of many jokes, and we even make fun of ourselves for the corruption running wild throughout our state. Yet, we continue to elect these jokers into office every chance we get. If New Jersey had scandal-free politicians, then we would certainly lose a part of our identity.

With the election of Chris Christie, New Jersey is guaranteed to keep its status as the Armpit of America for at least another four years. While it might not be good for the state, at least I’ll have plenty of things to blog about.

My Endorsement for Governor

October 27, 2009

As promised a couple entries ago, I will now be making my much anticipated endorsement for the 2009 New Jersey Gubernatorial race.

I have carefully considered each of the three major candidates, Democrat and current governor Jon Corzine, Republican Chris Christie, and Independent Chris Daggett, but only one of them will be getting my vote next Tuesday.

And that person is Chris Daggett.

Though he might not be the best candidate, he seems a lot better than the other two choices. Daggett ran an honorable campaign, rising above the mudslinging politics of his rivals. He outperformed Christie and Corzine at each of the debates, giving off a straight-talking calmness when compared with those two clowns.

Daggett also lacks the political corruptness that is so often associated with New Jersey government and represented by the other two choices. While there’s no way to prove that Daggett won’t be corrupt as governor, at least this has yet to be proven. Christie and Corzine, on the other hand, have already removed all doubt about their morals and ethics.

On November 3, 2009, I will be voting for the one candidate who might actually make the Armpit of America slightly better.

Chris Daggett will be getting my vote for Governor of New Jersey. I hope he gets yours too.

The Race To Be Governor of NJ

October 20, 2009

Two weeks from today, residents of New Jersey will head to the polls to vote for governor. Will we end up reelecting our current governor, Democrat Jon Corzine, or will we choose Republican Chris Christie or Independent Chris Daggett?

Though none of these choices are ideal, one of these three stooges will be the eventual winner. I haven’t exactly decided who I will be voting for, but I do have a good inkling. I’ll probably share my decision at some point before election day.

For those of you lucky enough to live outside the Armpit of America, or those of you who do but don’t know anything about the upcoming gubernatorial election, here is a profile of each candidate:

Photo courtesy The Star Ledger

Photo courtesy The Star Ledger

Chris Christie – Earlier in the race, this redundantly named candidate was considered a shoe-in. The incumbent governor had dismal approval ratings, so any other option could have easily won. However, his reluctance to provide any details about what he would do for our miserable state, combined with the unexpectedly strong Daggett campaign, has hurt his chances of winning. Though the former federal prosecutor brags about fighting corruption and putting wrong-doing politicians in jail, Christie seems to have been involved in his fair share of shady politics.

Pros:

Chris Christie is not Jon Corzine.

Chris Christie likes is obsessed with Bruce Springsteen.

Cons:

Chris Christie hasn’t mentioned exactly what he’s going to do for New Jersey.

Chris Christie is a scum bag.

Photo courtesy The Star Ledger

Photo courtesy The Star Ledger

Jon Corzine – In many ways, the current governor represents what is wrong with New Jersey politics. He seems to go by the do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do style of leadership, as evident by this whole thing. I also don’t like his negative campaign strategy of making fun of Christie’s weight. How would he like it if people made fun of him for being bald? Also, Corzine himself can be considered fat…a Wall Street fat cat to be exact. His expertise in finance was supposed to let him better handle our state’s tax and financial issues, of which there are many. But has he done anything in the last four years? No. So it’s hard to imagine he would get anything done in the next four years.

Pros:

Jon Corzine is not Chris Christie.

Jon Corzine keeps his scalp really shiny.

Cons:

Jon Corzine is a sleaze ball.

Uh, look at the last four years.

Photo courtesy The Star Ledger

Photo courtesy The Star Ledger

Chris Daggett – Though usually third-party candidates don’t get much attention, this one sure has. Christie’s lack of specifics, Corzine’s general sketchiness, and the mud-slinging politics of both major parties have allowed Daggett to sneak in and gain some traction. While he does have a couple interesting ideas, some are a little far-fetched. For instance, he plans to cut New Jersey’s high property taxes by raising the taxes on EVERYTHING else. Also, he’s been mainly out of politics for the last twenty years, after briefly working for the Department of Environmental Protection under the first Bush. Daggett truly is a dark horse in this race – we have no idea what he will be like with free reign over the state. At the same time, being independent may prevent the state legislature from working cooperatively. Though his election would certainly change things up, we don’t know if this change would be good or bad. With Corzine or Christie, we could expect no change at all, but at least we would know what’s coming.

Pros:

Chris Daggett is not Jon Corzine or Chris Christie.

Chriss Daggett has a cool last name.

Cons:

Chris Daggett is not Jon Corzine or Chris Christie.

Who the hell is Chris Daggett?

Well, these are our three wonderful options for governor. Something tells me that no matter who wins, the Armpit of America will remain the same – stinky.

So, who are you voting for?