Posted tagged ‘New Jersey Governor’

Goodbye, Chris Christie!

January 16, 2018

As of noon today, January 16, 2018, Chris Christie is no longer the Governor of the Armpit of America. What a relief! Though immensely popular at the start of his tenure, he’s leaving office in shame after eight incredibly long years. With a 14% approval rating, he has the distinction of being the least popular governor in New Jersey’s history.

While I’m happy to see him go, like many people, I’ll miss making fun of him (which I’ve done plenty of times). So in honor of his last day, let’s take a look at some of the highlights of his time leading New Jersey.

Like that whole Bridgegate thing:

Bridgegate

And who can forget about Beachgate?

Beachgate

And that time he sold his soul to the devil himself:

2016-03-02t12-50-57-966z--1280x720.nbcnews-ux-1080-600

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In Defense of Chris Christie

January 10, 2014
chris-christie-is-on-the-cover-of-time-as-the-master-of-disaster

Don’t mind the creepy mugshot – he has to be innocent!

For the few of you that haven’t heard, Chris Christie is in some deep trouble. Apparently, he’s accused of retaliating against the mayor of Fort Lee who didn’t endorse him in the last election by having caused a traffic jam in his town back in September. But while many respectable news sources have immediately blamed the Governor, asserting that he knew about this scandal all along, I think they are rushing to point the finger. As Chris Christie is a levelheaded man of respect, who would never be so brash or arrogant, I refuse to believe that he had anything to do with this mess!

Let’s look at the facts, which fail to suggest any connection between Christie and the decision to close the ramps to the George Washington Bridge. Sure, the decision was made by his Deputy Chief of Staff, but it’s not like it was his real Chief of Staff who did it! Blaming him for what the Deputy Chief of Staff did, or trying to say that he should have known what she was up to, is ridiculous. Everyone knows the Deputy Chief of Staff is lower on the totem pole than an intern! And, of course, just because she decided to have the bridge closed, doesn’t mean that the Port Authority that manages the bridge had to do it. I mean, it takes two to tango. And sure, just because the guy in charge of the New Jersey side of the Port Authority just happened to be an old high school friend of Mr. Christie doesn’t mean anything either. What reason would he have to protect someone he’s known most of his life and actually appointed him to his job?

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Best New Jersey Themed T-Shirt Ever!

August 28, 2012

Just a quickie here about my new favorite T-shirt.  I picked this baby up at True Jersey Supply Co. here in Belmar, where you can get a whole bunch of Jersey merchandise – even a porkroll-scented candle (which smells as bad as it sounds).  Anyway, here it is:

Now, Chris Christie and I haven’t always seen eye to eye on a number of issues.  And I know making fun of his weight has gotten old and tired.  But strangely, I see this T-shirt as rising above all that political nonsense and the superficial comments on his weight.  It simply conveys what a pugnacious tough-ass our governor is.  Maybe it’s my inner Jersey trashy side talking, but I kinda respect that about him.  And, fat or not, he can indeed kick any other governor’s ass (especially since Jesse Venture is no longer in charge of Minnesota!).

In an ironic twist of fate, this medium shirt proved to be anything but.  After I put it on, I looked like an overstuffed sausage, allowing me to further identify with our overstuffed governor.

Chris Christie Is Still A Scumbag!

December 18, 2010

Governor Chris “William Taft” Christie

I know I haven’t updated in a while, so this will be a quick and easy update. And what could be easier than making fun of Chris Christie, our double-named, double-stuffed governor?

So let’s take a look at some of the things he’s done lately:

He decided to cancel the building of a new rail tunnel linking New Jersey to Manhattan. This project had been in the works for a long time and had plenty of potential benefits. It would put more trains on the ground, lessoning the burden of the overcrowded trains we have now. With more trains, there would be less people driving, helping with that whole climate change deal. And the new stations and stops and whatnot would draw more people to live in the state. (Yeah, we already have more than enough, but they would all be in North Jersey, so it wouldn’t bother me.)

Now, I know there is a somewhat valid reason for why he canceled the project – it was turning out to cost way more than expected. Still, isn’t that the case with any major undertaking? And wouldn’t the benefits of building that tunnel eventually make up for the extra costs? Whatever. I guess that’s the price to pay for having a fiscally conservative governor.  Or so he claims to be fiscally conservative.

A couple months ago, it was discovered that someone in his administration made a tiny clerical error that caused New Jersey to miss out on $400 million in grant money for our education system. Yes. New Jersey lost the opportunity to add not $4 million, not $40 million, but $400 million to help educate our children. So what does Chris Christie do? He blames Obama. It wasn’t until video evidence emerged of someone from the Obama administration pointing out that they were missing a page of the application that Christie admitted responsibility. Though he fired the education commissioner who made the guffaw, many of us were wishing he’d fire himself. Fat chance. (more…)

New Jersey’s Own Governator

September 28, 2010

Our governor can kick your governor’s ass…but ours has the bigger target.

While I don’t think too highly of Chris Christie, New Jersey’s redundantly named governor, he did something pretty badass the other day while throwing his weight around in the national political arena.  At a campaign event for Meg Whitman, who’s running to replace Arnold Schwarzenegger as governor of California, a guy in the audience started heckling the candidate.  You can’t really hear it in the video, but the guy apparently said that Ms. Whitman looks like Mr. Schwarzenegger in a dress.  Ha!

Anyway, Mr. Christie wasn’t about to let some crybaby liberal insult his fellow bloodsucking republican.  He got out of his chair, waddled over to the heckler, and stared him down like an angry buffalo.  He then yelled at the guy, saying how people like him are what’s dividing this country.  You can see the video here.

Now, I could go on rant about how screwed up his policies are, but I’ll hold back for now.  Especially since now I have to live in fear that if I ever say anything bad about him, Chris Christie will stampede his way over to my house, wag his sausage-like finger in my face, and lecture me.  So instead, let’s just think about Arnold Schwarzenegger in a dress:

New Poll Shows What We Already Know

June 20, 2010

In what should be a surprise to absolutely no one, people hate living in New Jersey. According to a new Quinnipiac survey, 75% of residents of the Armpit of America are unhappy with life in the state. And how many of us Jersey residents are happy here? A mere 2%.

After reading about this survey, I was pretty shocked. Not by the results, obviously. Rather, I was surprised that the folks over at Quinnipiac actually spent the time and effort to find out what the whole world already knows. Then again, as the Quinnipiac survey is located in Connecticut, I suppose the staffers were tired of sitting in their mansions and counting money and decided to make a less fortunate state feel worse about itself.

The survey wasn’t just about whether New Jerseyans are satisfied with the state or not. Participants were also asked about their opinions of our shady governor, the redundantly named Chris Christie. Apparently, but not surprisingly, the majority of the state disagrees with Christie’s policies. Of course, who would agree with his plans to drastically cut funding for public schools, shut down state-run mental hospitals, and lay-off a bunch of state employees? A vast majority also disagrees with his decision to veto the state legislature’s “millionaire’s tax,” which would result in a whole lot of much needed money for the state.

So why exactly is Christie doing all of these things that go against what his constituents want? It’s pretty clear to me. Less money for education means a dumber population. Shutting down psychiatric hospitals means more crazy people on the loose. No millionaire’s tax means all the rich people in the state will love him. And with more uneducated and crazy people in the state, and a bunch of satisfied millionaires, Chris Christie is clearly building a coalition to ensure reelection to a second term in three years.

As he gets to do whatever he wants as governor, I’m sure Chris Christie is a pretty happy guy. Too bad his happiness comes at the expense of the very people he’s in charge of governing.

Chris Christie Is A Scumbag

March 27, 2010

Apparently one of the hippos from Camden’s Adventure Aquarium broke loose and is now running amok in the Armpit of America.  Oh wait, that’s just our governor, Chris Christie.  Though he has only been in office for about two months, he has already fucked things up.

Chris Christie in a suit that would make David Byrne envious.

Chris Christie in a suit that would make David Byrne envious. (Photo by The Star Ledger)

Christie’s master plan to improve the budget involves cutting funding to all of New Jersey’s school districts.  Some districts are facing cuts of up to 64% of their budgets.  Who knows how many teachers, assistants, and secretaries will lose their jobs because of these cuts.  Faculty members of schools across the state (including this author’s mother) have already received layoff notices.  But it is the kids who will undoubtedly see a decrease in the quality of their education who are the real victims here. (more…)