Chris Christie Is Still A Scumbag!

Governor Chris “William Taft” Christie

I know I haven’t updated in a while, so this will be a quick and easy update. And what could be easier than making fun of Chris Christie, our double-named, double-stuffed governor?

So let’s take a look at some of the things he’s done lately:

He decided to cancel the building of a new rail tunnel linking New Jersey to Manhattan. This project had been in the works for a long time and had plenty of potential benefits. It would put more trains on the ground, lessoning the burden of the overcrowded trains we have now. With more trains, there would be less people driving, helping with that whole climate change deal. And the new stations and stops and whatnot would draw more people to live in the state. (Yeah, we already have more than enough, but they would all be in North Jersey, so it wouldn’t bother me.)

Now, I know there is a somewhat valid reason for why he canceled the project – it was turning out to cost way more than expected. Still, isn’t that the case with any major undertaking? And wouldn’t the benefits of building that tunnel eventually make up for the extra costs? Whatever. I guess that’s the price to pay for having a fiscally conservative governor.  Or so he claims to be fiscally conservative.

A couple months ago, it was discovered that someone in his administration made a tiny clerical error that caused New Jersey to miss out on $400 million in grant money for our education system. Yes. New Jersey lost the opportunity to add not $4 million, not $40 million, but $400 million to help educate our children. So what does Chris Christie do? He blames Obama. It wasn’t until video evidence emerged of someone from the Obama administration pointing out that they were missing a page of the application that Christie admitted responsibility. Though he fired the education commissioner who made the guffaw, many of us were wishing he’d fire himself. Fat chance.

So, for those keeping track, New Jersey has now missed out on much needed railroad improvements and on some much needed money for our schools. All because of our dumb governor.

And what happens if someone challenges Chris Christie? Well, as this guy experienced at a recent town hall meeting, he’ll go out of his way to intimidate you. When the guy tried to question his actions, Christie had his security thugs drag the guy on stage to face the governor in an impromptu debate. After clearly embarrassing his poor victim and lecturing him and wagging his Olive-Garden-breadstick-like finger in his face, the guy tries to respond. And what does the governor do? He cuts him off and doesn’t let him get a single word in. He then has those security thugs drag the guy off the stage.  (Check out this open letter someone wrote to the governor about this incident.)

What a joke. Chris Christie is in a position of power (not to mention the huge weight advantage) and uses that power to pick on the little guy he’s supposed to serve.

The only good thing about this pic? That New Jersey lapel pin. How do I get one?

You know what the worst part about all this is? He hasn’t even been in office for a year. Let me say that again. HE HASN’T EVEN BEEN IN OFFICE FOR A YEAR. What’s going to happen in the next three years? Will Chris Christie introduce slavery to the Armpit of America? Will he close down all the gyms so he can feel better about himself? Will he make The Situation the next education commissioner? Anything’s possible.

Despite all of his flaws, Chris Christie is actually loved by Republicans nationwide. They hold him in such high esteem, there’s actually talk of him possibly running for President! While that’s pretty unlikely, many say that he’d definitely be on the short list for potential Vice Presidents. So let’s all keep our fingers crossed that future 2012 Republican Presidential nominee Sarah Palin (you heard it here first) will pick a larger than life running mate. Then after their certain and embarrassing defeat, he’ll be forced to resign.

Until that happens, us New Jerseyans will just have to do what we’ve always done: get by, or get out.

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