MTV’s “Jersey Shore”

After years and years of forgoing the music that made the network famous and showing lowbrow reality programs in its place, MTV has unsurprisingly decided to continue that trend. This time, they are offering us a new trashy reality show, “Jersey Shore.” Since it takes place in the Armpit of America, the show will certainly provide a new level of trashiness to a network that revels in it.

MTV is no stranger to the Jersey Shore, having filmed a couple “True Life” episodes and other specials in the area. But, this is the network’s first series that takes place solely in the Garden State (Unfortunately, MTV repeatedly ignored my letters suggesting they film a season of “The Real World: Ho-Ho-Kus”). So, once a week, the world will get to experience the fun and filth of the shore.

People all across the country will also see first hand the unique habits of the Jersey Shore Guido. For those lucky enough to be unacquainted, let me explain. Jersey Shore Guidos are these Italian-American roided-up jerks with spiky hair who migrate from Staten Island and Brooklyn down to the shore each summer. Their numbers quickly multiply, and they soon take over the area. They are often seen foraging around the dirtiest bars and clubs pumping their fists to stupid techno music and looking for mates. Though they will often hit on anything with a vagina (except in instances where they are caught in the middle of a “bromance”), they prefer the Guida – an Italian-American princess characterized by her overly tan skin, poofy hair, and implants. Both sexes of the species have dumb accents and bad attitudes.

I offered this sea gull $20 to crap on a Guido. His response? "Heeelllll no!! I aint going near those dirty mother fuckers!" True story.

Now that you know what a Jersey Shore Guido is, you can understand my concern about this show. MTV is now glorifying them and their lifestyle. Since MTV is somehow still relevant, innocent children will see these antics and emulate them – creating more Guidos than ever before. Even worse, MTV will likely influence the opinion of people throughout the country that everyone in my beloved/hated state talks with a New York accent and pumps their fists in the air. So the negative images and stereotypes of New Jersey will spread even further, making my job of changing people’s minds about the state even harder.

Despite all this, I can’t friggin wait for December 3rd, when the show premieres. Although it is likely to portray New Jersey and the shore in a negative light, I’m convinced it will still be pretty entertaining. In a train wreck sort of way, of course. And I look forward to seeing where the show will take place and the various locations the cast will go to – so I know which places to avoid. But what I really can’t wait to see is these smug idiots getting put in their place. In fact, I’m starting to think that MTV’s goal is to make these people look as ridiculous as possible. Watch the preview below and you’ll see what I mean:

Upon viewing this promo for the first time, I seriously thought it was a joke and not a real commercial. Especially since the narrator actually uses the word “Guidos.” Guido was originally a derogatory term and often deemed a racist insult against Italians. However, these clowns seem oblivious to this history and seem to take being called a Guido as a symbol of pride. Between the hair gel, fake tans, and fist pumping, MTV has completely set up these idiots, who have no idea that there will be plenty of people making fun of their hair gel, fake tans, and fist-pumping ways. And I’m pretty convinced the network had this planned all along. I never thought I’d say this, but maybe there’s more to MTV than previously thought?

I’m sure there are plenty of my fellow New Jerseyans who are upset about this show, but you shouldn’t be. For one, it will hopefully be clear that the fame-whores on “Jersey Shore” are New Yorkers and not natives of the state. Also, by all appearances, MTV will be portraying them, and not the shore itself, in a negative light. Finally, if the show makes the shore look really bad, it will only turn more people away in the summer, letting us real New Jersey residents enjoy our summers a lot more.

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11 Comments on “MTV’s “Jersey Shore””

  1. b Says:

    ugh, mtv, seriously?? that AWFUL true life episode wasn’t enough?

    great post! but it seems that you’re implying that all fist-pumping, hair-coiffing, pinky-ring wearing guidos come from staten island and brooklyn, but we have more than our fair share in north jersey… the sopranos shot in my town!

    • armpitofamerica Says:

      Well everyone knows that North Jersey is technically West New York. Just kidding!

      So WHO did the Sopranos shoot in your town?

      • jeany923now Says:

        Came across your post on my blog. Oh God, the Jersey shore is terrible. Those cast members are really stupid!

        I watched 5 minutes of it and my head really hurt.
        Then I thought, wow the Jersey Shore makes the Hills look like educational public television progamming.

        That’s pretty bad.

        liked your analysis though. hope this lifestyle WON’t BE glorified.

  2. MarkyMark Says:

    How was Sammi considered a ‘guidette’? She’s from Hazlet, which isn’t North Jersey. North Jersey starts north of the twin bridges (i.e. north of the Raritan River). To be a guido, one has to be from North Jersey or NYC.

  3. armpitofamerica Says:

    Well Sammi has the orange tan, the North Jersey accent, and the hair extensions. I think that qualifies her as a guidette. If you don’t buy that, then just consider her a guidette by association…or by penetration….

    • Sammi Fakes Her Accent Says:

      Did anyone else think that Sammi fakes her “North Jersey” accent?

      • armpitofamerica Says:

        Definitely. I grew up in the next town over from Hazlet….no one from that neck of the woods has the North Jersey accent.

  4. adihamo Says:

    I love those guys and the show i just found a great site which still offer some of their videos before it was scripted by MTV specially the Snooki Punched One

  5. . Says:

    You fags all clearly watch the show and like it so stop talking shit about it

    • armpitofamerica Says:

      Uh, when have I ever said I don’t watch it or don’t like it? And please don’t use that f-word – this is a family-friendly blog…aside from all the crap I say about those effin losers on that stupid-ass show.

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