Posted tagged ‘New Jersey’

A Jersey Christmas in the Stars

December 24, 2013

My little hiatus from blogging lasted a bit a lot longer than I had intended. So what brought me back from the depths of the internet and inspired me to start writing again? A weird little Christmas song from 1980, of all things.

Apparently that year saw the release of “Christmas in the Stars,” a Star Wars-themed Christmas album. Despite being a big (though not obsessive) Star Wars fan, I never knew such a thing existed. Perhaps if there was a Chanukah song, that would be different story – what I wouldn’t give to hear Chewbacca’s rendition of I Have a Little Dreidel!

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Bar + Arcade = Barcade!

May 4, 2013

Yeah I live in Lawn Guyland now, but that doesn’t mean I can’t still write about the place I lived for 29 years, right?

Well I was back in my home state last weekend after making the trip to the Paris of the Armpit of America, AKA, Jersey City.  What I didn’t count on was this journey including an extra 45 minutes of driving around looking for parking. Anyway, the trip was well worth the effort, as the plan was to head to a bar I’d never heard of until that night: Barcade.

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From the Jersey Shore to the North Shore

April 7, 2013

The unthinkable has happened.

I am no longer a resident of New Jersey.

No, Chris Christie hasn’t exiled me for all the shit I’ve talked about him – it’s due to personal reasons. After 29 years of living within a 30 mile radius of my birthplace, I’ve left the only state I’ve ever lived in and relocated to the North Shore of Long Island. Based on my first two weeks of living here, it is clear that Long Island is more like New Jersey that New Jersey could ever hope to be.

From the strip malls and strip clubs to highways and loud obnoxious people, I doubt I’ll ever get homesick.  If New Jersey is the Armpit of America, then that would make Long Island the smelly pit hair of America.

Anyway, so what does my relocation mean for this little blog?  I’ll still update as infrequently as you’ve come to expect.  And I’ll still be writing about New Jersey. If that makes me a poseur, then so what? It’s my blog and I’ll do what I want.

Despite being in New York, my heart still hasn’t left New Jersey.  That’s why I will still try with all my might to avoid pumping my own gas.  Even if that means taking a trip back to Jersey for the sole purpose of having someone else do it.

As sad as I am to have left the Armpit of America, things could always be worse….I could have ended up on Staten Island!

Movie Review: Eddie and the Cruisers

February 10, 2013

eddieWow it’s been a while.  Between long days at work, a hurricane, and more long days at work, I haven’t been able to blog as much as I’d like.  But last night I saw a movie that got my bloggy juices flowing again: 1983’s Eddie and the Cruisers.

Let me start by saying this isn’t the greatest movie, not by a long shot. It moves incredibly slow, it’s impossible to identify or sympathize with the characters, and the plot is kinda dumb.  So why blog about it?  Because the movie takes place in New Jersey!

Starring a young and fresh-faced Ellen Barkin (before she became an old yet still oddly fresh-faced Ellen Barkin), and a bunch of no-name character actors from the 80s, the film tells the story of Jersey Shore bar band, Eddie and the Cruisers.  Though briefly successful in 1963, the band disbanded when lead singer Eddie Wilson seemingly committed suicide after the record label refused to release their second album, because it sucked.  Eighteen years later, with the re-release of the band’s premier album, Eddie and the Cruisers are more popular than ever.

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Best New Jersey Themed T-Shirt Ever!

August 28, 2012

Just a quickie here about my new favorite T-shirt.  I picked this baby up at True Jersey Supply Co. here in Belmar, where you can get a whole bunch of Jersey merchandise – even a porkroll-scented candle (which smells as bad as it sounds).  Anyway, here it is:

Now, Chris Christie and I haven’t always seen eye to eye on a number of issues.  And I know making fun of his weight has gotten old and tired.  But strangely, I see this T-shirt as rising above all that political nonsense and the superficial comments on his weight.  It simply conveys what a pugnacious tough-ass our governor is.  Maybe it’s my inner Jersey trashy side talking, but I kinda respect that about him.  And, fat or not, he can indeed kick any other governor’s ass (especially since Jesse Venture is no longer in charge of Minnesota!).

In an ironic twist of fate, this medium shirt proved to be anything but.  After I put it on, I looked like an overstuffed sausage, allowing me to further identify with our overstuffed governor.

If the Real Housewives of New Jersey Were Animals

July 15, 2012

After my post where I determined what the cast of Jersey Shore would look like in 20 years, I thought I’d have some fun with the Armpit of America’s other favorite trashy reality stars.  And while some of the Real Housewives may already seem like beasts (Teresa), I wanted to share the real animals that these bitches remind me of.  So here we go.

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Teresa Guidice: The Toad

That wrinkly, brown skin.  The giant wide-set eyes and even wider mouth.  The endless loud croaking.  A tendency to eat flies, worms and other crawly things.  Teresa sure has a lot in common with the common toad.

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You Know You’ve Been Blogging about New Jersey Too Much When…

July 2, 2012

…a piece of meat starts looking like this stupid state:

Yes, this is a completely un-doctored photograph of a London broil almost somewhat resembling the shape of the Armpit of America.  And no, I didn’t cut it too look like that – apparently it came that way right out of the package, according to my brother.  My guess is that either someone at the meat department at Shop-Rite was having a little fun with his knife, or this piece of steak came from a Jersey cow.  Get it?  If not, read this.

Anyway, just like the real state, this New Jersey-shaped piece of meat looks like total crap swimming in more crap.  However, once I pushed aside the sludge and got past the tough edges, the meat was delicious.  And I’m sure you can all see where I’m going with this allegory…