Archive for the ‘Top 5’ category

Top 5 Things I’m Looking Forward to This Summer

April 24, 2011

No shore traffic for me this summer - definitely looking forward to that!

Flowers are in bloom, the weather’s getting warmer, and girls all over New Jersey are visiting tanning booths and throwing up their meals in order to look good in a bikini.  These are all signs that summer is coming to the Jersey Shore.  And I couldn’t be happier, especially after the winter we had this year.  So what am I looking forward to most about this summer in the Armpit of America?  Keep reading to find out.

1. Finally being popular – As this will be my first summer living at the beach, I may finally know what it’s like to be popular!  From what I’ve heard, when you have a beach house, people come out of the woodwork to come over.  So even though I’ll probably be taken advantage of by some of my random acquaintances who want a place to chill before going to the beach or crash after going to the bars, it will feel like I have so many more friends!

2. Corn – Throughout the fall, winter, and spring, we’re stuck eating corn out of a can or from the freezer.  Not in summer though.  Come July, New Jersey provides its residents with the best, sweetest corn imaginable. It’s so unbelievably good, you don’t even have to cook it. Hell, you don’t heve have to husk it! Take that, Nebraska!

3. Outdoor Bars – The bars at the Jersey Shore are fun all year round.  But they can get a little cramped and stuffy during the off-season.  Once summer comes, they open up their outdoor sections, allowing guests the option to escape the guidos and crappy coverbands inside, and hang around outside. That being said, here’s a quick list of my favorite outdoor bars: (more…)

Top 5 Search Terms

January 21, 2011

One of the cool things about being a blogger is that you get to see how people end up at your site. This little slice of the blogosphere is no exception. I get to see everything that people type in their search bars that directs them to my blog. Some of these search times are pretty obvious for how they are directed here – anything involving Jersey Shore, a combination of Chris Christie and any expletive, and the phrase “Armpit of America.” But there are some search terms that are just plain funny.

Some of these terms have only showed up once or twice. Others, like #5, are much more popular. So this list is a combination of both the most popular search terms and those I’ve found most unique.  Enjoy!

1) “assholes with loud mufflers” – Is anyone surprised that someone searching for “assholes with loud mufflers” would end up on a site about New Jersey?

2) “bon jovi wallpaper” – Not sure if they mean wallpaper for the computer or for an actual wall. And quite frankly, I don’t care to know. (more…)

Top 5 Blog Posts of 2010

December 31, 2010

As 2010 comes to a close, you’ve undoubtedly seen countless websites putting out some kind of “best of 2010” list or the like. Well, here’s another one!

But before getting into that list, let me just tell you some of the things you can expect to see on this little blog in 2011. First of all, I hope to update a little more often than I’ve done this year. I also plan to have some more videos (such as a “Jersey Shore” makeover!) and maybe even some guest bloggers! So be sure to come back often to see what’s going on in the Armpit of America.

Now that that’s out of the way, here are my Top 5 favorite entries I’ve written over the past year.

1) New Jersey’s Ghetto Barber Shops – Join me in my quest to find a decent barber shop. As a bonus, I you’ll see a picture of me with my afro at full force.

2) Top 5 Overplayed Jersey Shore Cover Band Songs – Go to any shore bar over the summer, you’ll likely encounter a cover band. Find out what I think are the most overplayed songs those bands perform.

3) State vs. State: Idaho – Tomatoes vs. potatoes. Springsteen vs. Willis. Find out whether New Jersey or Idaho is the better state. (By the way, I promise to do more of these State vs. State entries in the new year.)

4) The Best of NJ: Adventure Aquarium – Camden New Jersey is known for two things – gang violence and fish. Check out my experience at Camden’s Adventure Aquarium and see if I made it out of the city alive.

5) My Snook-o-Lantern – For Halloween, I made a life-sized model of everyone’s favorite star of “Jersey Shore” out of pumpkins. You can watch my video of the entire process, as I assemble my effigy of Snooki Snook from wig to pumpkin boobs.

Well,l those are my favorite blog posts of 2010. What are yours?

Top 5: Reasons Belmar is Better Than New Brunswick

November 26, 2010

I suggest you turn around. Photo by

About three months ago, I moved out of my apartment in New Brunswick and into a new apartment in Belmar. And it was quite a drastic change. I essentially moved out of the armpit of the Armpit of America and into a more pleasant body part (I’ll let you pick which one). I’ve spent five years of my life living in New Brunswick, and, although I have fond memories of the city, there is plenty to hate about it.

With that, here are theTop 5 reasons why Belmar is better than New Brunswick:

1) Hippies – Both New Brunswick and Belmar are home to quite a few hippies. Still, they couldn’t be more different. The hippies in New Brunswick are mainly students of Rutgers University. Though they typically come from upper-middle class families, they like to pretend they’re poor and just getting by on their own. But don’t let those tattered tie-dye shirts, unkempt facial hair (on guys), and unshaven legs (on girls) fool you. They’re just miserable spoiled brats with Grateful Dead posters in their dorms who wake up every morning wishing they went to college 40 years ago.

Belmar’s hippies, on the other hand, are more grown up. Rather than playing their guitars and singing about imagined social injustices, these hippies have embraced capitalism. Instead of going out of their way to be part of some nonexistent, idyllic counter culture, these hippies actually contribute something to the real culture. They’ve opened establishments all over the town, like vegan restaurants, vintage clothing stores, and yoga studios. Still embracing their hippie roots, but earning a dollar at the same time. Who wouldn’t respect that? (more…)

Top 5 Overplayed Jersey Shore Cover Band Songs

July 7, 2010

Jon Bon Jovi or Jersey girl? I'm still not sure.

If you hang out at bars at the Jersey Shore, you’re bound to come across at least one of many bands making their living off of other people’s songs. While they may have their own musical aspirations, no record company is knocking at the door with a big advance. So, they settle for cover gigs at the shore, where they play inferior versions of popular songs to indifferent audiences.

Don’t get me wrong; I do enjoy the Jersey Shore cover bands, which are primarily made up of a bunch of 20-or-30-something year-old guys, usually along with one heavy-set, middle-aged man on bass. They make for a fun evening, no matter which shore bar, from Atlantic Highlands all the way down to Cape May, you might find yourself in. Who wouldn’t want to hear a band play a bunch of classics that everyone knows, rather than a crappy band that plays their own stuff?

Despite my fondness for Jersey Shore cover bands, I do have one point of contention with them. THEY ALL PLAY THE SAME SONGS! No matter which band you see, you’re more than likely to hear all of the five songs below. While not necessarily bad songs, you easily get sick of hearing them all summer long.

So, if any member, manager, or groupie (ha, yeah right!) of a Jersey Shore cover band is reading this, please get your band to stop playing these songs:

1. “Pour Some Sugar on Me” by Def Leppard

Maybe it’s just me, but this song, more than the rest on the list, just seems so dated. Whenever I hear it, I can’t help but think of some trashy 80s Jersey mall girls bopping their hairspray-hardened coifs around to this song. See? “Pour Some Sugar on Me” even makes this crusader against the negative Jersey stereotype actually buy into it.

2. “Livin’ on a Prayer” by Bon Jovi

“Living on a Prayer” has now made its second appearance on one of my Top 5 lists. Though not a bad song by any means, it is definitely overplayed. Overplayed on the radio, and overplayed by Jersey Shore cover bands. Sure, it’s pretty much the Armpit of America’s unofficial anthem. But, for these bands to play it every single night is just plain overkill. (more…)