Posted tagged ‘Random’

Dave Coulier Walks into the Armpit of America…and Stinks!

September 21, 2010

At around 4:30 last Tuesday afternoon, a friend informed me that Dave Coulier, best and only known as Joey from Full House, would be performing stand-up at Brookdale Community College. It’s not every day that an actor from what I shamefully admit is one of my favorite shows ever is only a half hour away from me. So I dropped whatever plans I had that night, got a group of friends together, and hustled on over to Brookdale.

Though half of my high school went to Brookdale Community College (the other half, including me, went to Rutgers), I had never been on the campus. It was pretty confusing finding our way around. Though we parked in this big parking lot in the middle of the campus, there weren’t many signs showing which building was which. And once we found the building, we had to walk through its labyrinthine halls to find the room where he was performing.

While I thought the show would have been in an auditorium or gym, it was actually in this small conference room. There were only about 150 seats, many of which remained unfilled. Though the website said it would cost $5 for non-Brookdale students, it turned out to be free. It’s kinda sad. His Full House cohort Bob Saget can sell out auditoriums, but the best Dave Coulier can do is a free show at a college – a community college, no less.

Try to keep your panties on, ladies; it's Dave Coulier!

Having seen the show, that $0 admission fee was definitely worth the price. Actually, I think Dave Coulier should have paid me to be there. Though he had a couple good jokes, most of his routine was pretty lame. For example, he spent a few minutes talking about how his 80-year-old father doesn’t understand computers and then discussed how his teenage son keeps his hand on his crotch and plays video games all day. Such groundbreaking stuff this guy has! He also talked about how Porky Pig wears a vest but no pants. Um, didn’t another comedian make the same joke about Donald Duck? (more…)

New Jersey’s Ghetto Barber Shops

August 23, 2010

And now for a post that isn’t about “Jersey Shore”!

Let’s rewind back to Fourth of July weekend.  My hair (total Jew-fro) was getting a little too curly and unmanageable to be seen in public.  I had a friend who had been cutting my hair for free for the last couple of years, but she wasn’t available.  And, since I had plans to go out for the night, I needed a haircut that day.

Little known fact: Dustin Diamond and I are first cousins.

I googled around for barber shops in New Brunswick.  All the results I found fell into two categories: unisex hair salons or places bragging about their “street” and “Brooklyn” cuts.  I have too much pride to go someplace with the words unisex and salon in its title, but I’m not man enough to go to one of the ghetto places.  All I wanted was a barber shop catering to nerdy white guys.  Since there weren’t any such places in New Brunswick, I decided to look around in the nerdiest town in New Jersey:  Princeton. (more…)

A Beautiful Day in My Neighborhood

July 21, 2010

Yesterday I was driving around New Brunswick (AKA “The Brunz” to some, “No Funswick” to others) and took the following picture:

Notice anything funny about it? No, it’s not the drug deal going on in the alleyway or the prostitute on the corner. Those are daily fixtures of life in this fine city. It’s not the asshole taking pictures from his phone while driving through a busy intersection either.

Still don’t see it? Let’s zoom in:

It’s hard to make out, so you’ll have to take my word on this. It is a Budget moving truck full of watermelons. These people were actually selling fruit out of a rental truck!

Seeing shady people sell stuff out of a truck is not an uncommon thing in New Brunswick. There are countless ice cream trucks that annoyingly drive around playing their stupid songs all night. Then there are the ice cream trucks, offering more than just frozen desserts. There are even guys trying to sell stereo systems out of unmarked vans. But selling watermelon out of a rental truck? That’s a new one for me.  Then again, it’s just another day in the Armpit of America.

Jersey City Pimpin’

May 23, 2010

Photo by Margaret Schmidt/The Jersey Journal

My goal in writing this blog has always been to show New Jersey in a more positive light, compared to its dreadful reputation. By showing how New Jersey is better than other states, highlighting places of interest, and even finding the humor in the train wreck known as “Jersey Shore,” I hope that I have helped make people’s views of the state a little better. Sometimes, however, my mission is made much more difficult. No matter how great New Jersey can be, there are certain instances that ensure the state holds onto its status as the Armpit of America.

Take this story about a Jersey City pimp, running his business out of an apartment in Society Hill. As I know two people who live in that development, this story really hits close to home. Well, I guess it hits a lot closer to their home than mine.

Anyway, the pimp, who goes by the name “Prince,” was recently sentenced to 18 years in jail. His charges include kidnapping women, some as young as 17, and forcing them into prostitution. And what if one of those young ladies didn’t want to be a prostitute? Mr. Prince would tie her up to a bed and force her to take heroin until she became addicted. And the only way she could feed that addiction would be to sell herself and get the drug in return.

As if this story wasn’t crazy enough, Prince even had his mother in on the business. And his sister tried to defend him by claiming that he wasn’t a pimp at all. According to her, he ran a prostitution rehabilitation center, helping those girls get back into society. She also said how he bought one girl a computer, and now that former prostitute is working at a hospital in south Jersey. Remind me never to get sick in New Jersey’s nether region. (more…)

The Olympics Opening Ceremony

February 14, 2010

This past Friday, the world watched the opening ceremonies of the Vancouver Winter Olympics. You may be wondering why I would be talking about the Olympics on a blog about New Jersey. Well, not many people know this, but Jersey City actually made a bid to host the 1987 Summer Olympics. (Yes, I know there wasn’t an Olympics in 1987…but the good people of Jersey City didn’t know that.)

Anyway, I think the team in charge of the Vancouver opening ceremony did a great job of showcasing exactly what Canada is all about. Let’s face it, Canada is pretty much just an extra with no lines on the world stage. But the opening ceremony gave this perennial understudy the chance to shine.

Just like Australia did at the 2000 Olympics in Sydney and the U.S. did at the 2002 Olympics in Salt Lake City, Canada paid tribute to its indigenous people at the opening ceremony. Although all three nations claim to take pride in honoring their native inhabitants, let’s get real. I don’t think these native Australians, Americans, and Canadians can forgive hundreds of years of oppression and neglect for the chance to dance around in feather headdresses in front of the world.

That being said, the native Canadian display was tasteful and entertaining. At least compared to other performances throughout the night. We watched several famous Canadian singers, like Sarah McLaughlin, Nelly Furtado, Bryan Adams, and some opera singer with a glittery afro. We also saw a rather odd performance by Mr. KD Lang. Although he has a soothing baritone and was wearing a stylish suit, they didn’t give him any close-ups. He must’ve forgotten to shave or something. (more…)