Posted tagged ‘guidos’

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“Jersey Shore” Episode 2 Recap: Tranny Shops, Dirty Chicken, and Gelato

August 11, 2010

This was by far the most boring episode of “Jersey Shore.” Sammi and Ronnie fought and made up several times. Mike once again demonstrated his prowess in the kitchen. Angelina was a drunken bitch. Snooki was just adorable. That’s pretty much all that happened. There wasn’t much to work with, but hopefully this review will be more entertaining than the show itself.

Episode 2 begins with the guys going back to the house after Ronnie spent the night creeping. They’re sitting around talking about the night’s events. I honestly have no idea what they’re saying. Maybe it’s because they were drunk, or maybe it’s because I’m not fluent in guido. But seriously, go watch the first few minutes and tell me if you understand anything they say. Eventually we learn that Ronnie plans on getting into bed with Sammi, even though he spent the night making out with other girls. Vinny tells us he’s speechless…as usual. Pauly announces that Ronnie has a new nickname, but every time anyone says it, it gets bleeped out.

"HULK SMASH....RONNIE SMUSH"

Anyway, how does Mike feel about all this? “The whole situation, it’s a bad situation.” Wow, he really can’t go one sentence without mentioning that word. Meanwhile, Ronnie tells us that he had a “Shnookie” night, meaning he got so drunk he forgot what he did. It amazes me how these idiots still can’t say her name right. Maybe she should wear that stupid hat with her name on it more often. (more…)

Categories: MTV's "Jersey Shore"
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“Jersey Shore” Episode 1 Recap: Two Girls One Creep

August 4, 2010

“Jersey Shore” made its trashtastic return to our televisions last week, and it was just as entertaining as expected. So, if you didn’t see the Season 2 premiere, saw it and want to read about it, or just ended up here because you googled “jwoww tits,” you’ve come to the right place. On a side note, I seriously debated whether I should even recap this season. Despite its title, this show now has our favorite group of New Yorkers living it up in Miami and not in New Jersey. However, I just have too much fun analyzing these idiots.

I bet they left behind an oil slick rivaling that in the Gulf...

So here we go. The episode starts with some loser who calls himself “The Situation” giving us a recap of the previous season. He explains that there were a lot of fights, hookups, and drama. As we all know, Mike the Sitch wasn’t involved in any fights or hookups, but girlfriend sure caused a lot of drama. We then hear from Vinny, who contributes nothing constructive (in typical Vinny fashion).

But after his little spiel, our girl Snooki comes on. She explains how they had so much fun together last time, they had to do it again. Of course, she left out the part about MTV exploiting their shenanigans and giving them tons of money in return, but let’s let Snooki think that it’s all in her hands. Anyway, Snooki then exclaims “We’re coming to Miami!” My thoughts? Too bad 75% of the Golden Girls are dead; a crossover special would have been incredible. (more…)

Categories: MTV's "Jersey Shore", Reviews
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She’s Baaaaaaaccckkk!!!

July 29, 2010

All hail the Pumpkin Queen!

Snooki (and the rest of those jokers) graced us with her presence on the Season 2 premiere of “Jersey Shore.”  Even though this season will have these New Yorkers painting the town tan in Miami, you can still expect weekly episode reviews right here on Armpitnj.com.  And the first episode was pretty darn entertaining.  Check back soon for a full review!

Categories: MTV's "Jersey Shore"
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Bar A is A-Okay!

June 14, 2010

Anyone who actually calls it that = obvious benny

Bar A, short for the formal and kinda stupid name of Bar Anticipation, is perhaps the most famous bar in New Jersey. Found in Lake Como, formerly known as South Belmar, Bar A serves as a rite of passage for anyone growing up in New Jersey and, unfortunately, those from New York as well.

For those who have never been, let me explain the appeal of this place. First of all, the bar is HUGE. Between a cavernous interior with a large and always packed (with guidos) dance floor and a sprawling outdoor section, Bar A has a spot for everyone. If you get tired of being in the cramped and loud indoor part, you can make your way outside and find a quiet place to sit down. Oh, and there are probably at least 20 different bar counters, so you never have to wait long for a drink.  It is definately the kind of place you’d wanna spend a hot, sticky New Jersey night.

Despite the above things going for it, and the hundreds of people who crowd into the bar each weekend, Bar A is still reviled by many people. Sure, they complain about the $10 cover charge (which is understandable) and the costs of the drinks (which can be a tad on the more expensive side). On top of that, people often take issue with the clientele. Sure, the bar gets its share of guidos, cougars, and thugs, but that just shows how Bar A is welcoming to all groups of people.  Just keep your distance from whichever group you’re not a part of.  Unless, of course, you’re trying to get with a guido, cougar, or thug.

This past weekend, I organized an outing to Bar A. One friend was dead set on not going, saying that she had never been there and never would go. Apparently, the threat of encountering any guidos was a little too much. I tried to explain how every group keeps to itself and that I’ve never seen a single fight or skirmish. Maybe that’s just because people don’t want to get thrown out after paying the cover charge. Or maybe it’s because Bar A is such a magical place where people of all backgrounds can get along. Or maybe I just don’t go there enough. (more…)

Categories: Bars, Jersey Shore
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Ocean City Part I: Pizza Wars

May 11, 2010

While Maryland might have the more famous one, New Jersey has its own Ocean City. Found way down south between Atlantic City and Cape May, Ocean City is famous for its sprawling boardwalk. It is also known for being one of the Armpit of America’s few dry towns, meaning alcohol isn’t sold anywhere within its borders. While this might be somewhat disappointing, the good thing about it is that you won’t find any drunken guidos there.

Although the weather wasn’t perfect, the woman and I went down to Ocean City this past Saturday. As we were driving down the Garden State Parkway, I got the sudden urge to get off at Exit 38B for the Atlantic City Expressway and head over to the casinos. Somehow I managed to fight it, and we were soon at Exit 25 and a short distance from Ocean City’s boardwalk.

Since it was a little chilly outside and the weather called for scatter thunderstorms, I figured the boardwalk would be pretty empty. Though it doesn’t happen too often, I was wrong. It was kinda crowded.

Polish Water Ice? That must be the punch line to some joke, right?

There was no sign of rain, but the weather still wasn’t perfect. It was incredibly windy. And I don’t mean just a strong breeze here and there. These were hurricane-force gales. We tried walking on the beach but had to turn around rather quickly. After being on the beach for like two seconds, I already had sand all over my hair and in my eyes. Still, I’d rather have my eyes tortured by sand then being tortured by the sight of the sleazy guidos found elsewhere on the shore. (more…)

Categories: Armpit Adventures, Food, Jersey Shore
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