Posted tagged ‘New Jersey’

The Most Disappointing Meal I Ever Had!

May 2, 2025

Let me start by saying I have tremendous respect for restaurant workers (and all service employees). I know the jobs aren’t easy, and a lot of hard work goes into everything they do. So this post isn’t meant to demean employees themselves or hurt anyone’s feelings. Maybe we just happened to go on an off-night. Maybe we didn’t order the right things. Maybe other factors were taking place that we didn’t see.

Whatever the case may be, if you’re going to spend more than $300 on a meal, you’d expect everything to be above and beyond. But that simply wasn’t the case at a recent dinner at Lita in Aberdeen.

Lita’s is a modern Iberian restaurant that took over the space of what used to be Eli’s, a beloved bagel place in my favorite strip mall in the Armpit of America. It’s received several awards and been on countless “best restaurants” lists. Everyone seems to have nothing but wonderful things to say about this place, but unfortunately, I do not understand why. Everything from the service to the food was such a let down. I’d much rather prefer a bagel from what it used to be.

When the chef is waiting tables…you know there might be a problem

Interestingly, there’s a blurb on the menu about how the entire staff is cross-trained on each role and how they all rotate positions each week. While this sounds good in theory — to ensure equal pay and remove the hierarchical drama in restaurants — I think this might explain some of the disappointment. I mean, if you have different people cooking the food each week, I’d think it would be hard to maintain the same level of quality.

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Troll Hunting in New Jersey

April 13, 2025

So my little break from blogging turned into a longer-than-expected hiatus of five and a half years. Oh well. Better late than never! But before I get back into the types of content you’ve come to expect from me, like my intriguing personal memoirs, award-winning investigative journalism, in-depth interviews, and expert political commentary, let’s start with something quick and fun…

…like meeting Big Rusty!

Located off of some unmarked dirt road in Burlington County, Big Rusty is best described as true Jersey trash. I mean, he’s literally made from trash. And he’s perched against a decaying old warehouse covered in graffiti and full of broken glass, exposed wires, and God knows what else.

Big Rusty is part of Burlington County’s Troll Trek – a series of 18 trolls around the county made by different artists. While all the trolls have distinct names and personalities, Big Rusty is the only one of such large scale; this guy is huge.

While we took the kids to see Big Rusty, I can’t say it’s exactly kid-friendly. Sure, Big Rusty is an attraction himself, but you can’t help but want to explore the decrepit buildings surrounding him. And with the aforementioned broken glass and such, it seems like an accident waiting to happen. Even without kids, it’s a little shady – just one wrong step and you could end up with a puncture wound and tetanus.

But despite feeling like a junkyard, I was surprised at how clean it is in some ways. I didn’t see a single cigarette butt, crushed beer can, or little bottle of Fireball like you’d expect at other such locations in the Armpit of America. Being so far off the beaten path, Big Rusty’s home seems like the perfect place for the kind of wild teenage shenanigans that I was never cool enough to participate in. So either teens these days are much more environmentally conscious and clean up after themselves, or maybe Big Rusty doesn’t take kindly to intruders.

Goodbye, Chris Christie!

January 16, 2018

As of noon today, January 16, 2018, Chris Christie is no longer the Governor of the Armpit of America. What a relief! Though immensely popular at the start of his tenure, he’s leaving office in shame after eight incredibly long years. With a 14% approval rating, he has the distinction of being the least popular governor in New Jersey’s history.

While I’m happy to see him go, like many people, I’ll miss making fun of him (which I’ve done plenty of times). So in honor of his last day, let’s take a look at some of the highlights of his time leading New Jersey.

Like that whole Bridgegate thing:

Bridgegate

And who can forget about Beachgate?

Beachgate

And that time he sold his soul to the devil himself:

2016-03-02t12-50-57-966z--1280x720.nbcnews-ux-1080-600

Exclusive Interview with Ceres (One of the Women from the NJ Flag!)

December 10, 2017

Proud to say that I scored an interview with a real New Jersey goddess! No, not Snooki, but Ceres, the Roman goddess of agriculture. She’s lived quite a crazy life – being eaten by her father, getting impregnated by her brother, losing her daughter to the god of the underworld, etc. And since 1777, she’s stood stoically on the New Jersey state flag, the red-robed figure on the right holding the giant cornucopia.

New_Jersey_State_Flag.svg

In this wide ranging interview, Ceres shares her experiences as a deity, her views on state politics and even her favorite Jersey Shore cast member. I think you’ll find her just as smart, sweet and surprisingly sassy as I did.

ArmpitNJ: So, Ceres, first of all, I speak on behalf of the entire state of New Jersey in thanking you for watching over us and providing our agricultural riches.

Ceres: It truly is my pleasure.

ArmpitNJ: Great, now that the formalities are out of the way, let me ask the big question: how does someone go from being worshiped among the pantheon of Roman gods, to standing next to a decapitated horse’s head on a flag of a state known as the Armpit of America?

Ceres: And like your career is any better?

ArmpitNJ: Ouch. Well I see the Jersey attitude has certainly rubbed off on you! But please just answer my question.

Ceres: I wish I could tell you. One day, millions of peasants from across the Roman Empire are sacrificing animals in my name, and a couple millennia later, I find myself on the flag. Not that I’m complaining – I should be happy people still know me and appreciate me. It could be far worse. My brother Neptune is stuck on countless neon signs promoting all-you-can-eat seafood buffets. (more…)

So Chris Christie Went to the Beach…

July 4, 2017

Oh, Chris Christie. How the mighty have fallen. At one time he was celebrated for being a Republican twice elected governor of a blue state and considered a shoe-in to be the GOP presidential nominee. Then, that whole plan of his to close the George Washington bridge to punish a mayor who didn’t support him comes to light. Then, he finds that whatever appeal he once had in the Armpit of America didn’t extend beyond the state, resulting in his dismal performance in the primaries. Then, he drops out and awkwardly supports the eventual President, hoping to be appointed Vice President, Attorney General or even Secretary of Transportation (he does know a lot about bridges, after all). But none of that happened – he still remains governor of New Jersey.

Obviously growing bored and disillusioned with that job, Christie has mentally checked out. And that may explain his clear lack of judgment in the whole “let me close the state-run beaches to everyone but myself on the busiest weekend of the summer” thing. While you may point fingers at Christie or the Democratic-led legislature for the budget stalemate that led to the state shutdown, the real reason for the beach closures has nothing to do with that.

Apparently, Christie is terrified about his future. Rightfully so; who would hire a washed up governor with a historically dismal 15% approval rating once his term is over in January? So he tried to secure whatever job he could, tapping whatever resources he could find. And the solution? Well, you can say goodbye to Chris Christie the politician, and give a warm welcome to Kris Kristie, the newest reality TV star!

Kris Kristie

Kris Kristie – because apparently you need the initials “K.K.” to be famous these days.

That’s right, in a recently inked deal with MTV, a rebranded Chris Christie and his family will star in a show about a bunch of rich, spoiled people who live at the beach and cause all kind of ruckus for their small Jersey Shore town. If that sounds familiar and like something that’s been done before, you’re absolutely right – this is MTV after all.

So anyway, the whole thing about closing the beaches had nothing to do with the state budget – they were actually filming the pilot and needed a closed set. Oh, and in case you were wondering what this show will be called, it’s name is “Son of a Beach.” As if there was any other option.

Son of a Beach

His version of GTL? Grift, tax and [money] laundering.