Posted tagged ‘Newark Liberty Airport’

Stuff

May 29, 2010

I meant to put up a new entry this week, but that didn’t pan out.  Instead, you can read my entry on the Jersey City pimp again!  Unfortunately, I won’t be able to update for another week, as I’m going on a much needed vacation today.  (However, there is a chance a guest blogger will post a new entry; stay tuned.)

Anyway, I’ll be heading out of state (shocking, I know).  But as much as I love New Jersey, it’s good to get away every now and then.  Although, whenever I’m in another state, I come appreciate the Armpit of America even more.  What makes California so special anyway, compared to New Jersey?  Well you can find out with a new State vs. State entry at some point after my return.

Now for some more self-promotion!  If you like what you read here, you can subscribe to this blog by putting your e-mail address in the box to the right.  As soon as I post new entries, you can read them in right in your e-mail.  Also, you can follow me on Twitter @armpitnj and visit my YouTube channel.

Well that’s it for today.  We’re about to head out on the Turnpike to go to Newark Liberty Airport.  Wish me luck – I’ll need it.

My Trip to IKEA – The Slideshow

May 3, 2010

I just posted a new video on my YouTube channel!  It’s an audio slideshow of my recent trip to IKEA.  It might not be perfect, but I’m proud of it all the same.  So if you want to see pictures of the Armpit of America’s favorite Swedish home furnishings store (or if you just want hear what my voice sounds like), check it out!

A Touch of Sweden on the Turnpike

April 20, 2010

It’s been said before, particularly by me, but the New Jersey Turnpike is horrible. Traffic. Cops. Tolls. Refineries. Litter. These are just a few of the nasty things you’ll see on that road. Among all of these horrible sights, though, is perhaps the one bright spot on the Turnpike: an IKEA! That’s right. Just off of Exit 13A in the shithole town of Elizabeth is the IKEA, which serves as a Swedish oasis in the otherwise barren landscape of the Armpit of America.

Upon exiting off the Turnpike, you’ll follow signs to get to the Swedish superstore. You’ll know you’re there when you see three giant poles bearing the flags of the United States, Sweden, and the greatest nation of all, New Jersey. Once you walk past the flagpoles and into the store, you’re welcomed by a sign advertising the store’s famous Swedish meatballs. Because when you need to go shopping for new furniture, you logically want to buy meatballs at the same time.

If you see this much blue and gold and it's too early for Chanukah, you're probably at an IKEA.

For the three people out there who have never been to an IKEA, it is a huge home furnishings store selling a whole bunch of stuff for your house (like meatballs). All of their goods are supposedly made in Sweden…or made to resemble stuff in Sweden? I don’t really know. But, based on the crowds of people that swarm in on the store each day, I guess that if it’s Swedish, it’s good. (more…)

New Jersey Personalities: Cory Booker

January 5, 2010

Newark. Most people consider it the shittiest of shitholes. Between its traffic, gangs, pollution, and all-around ghettoness, this city represents the worst of the Armpit of America. But, there is at least one bright spot: its mayor.

Cory Booker has been mayor of Newark since 2006, and, in that short period of time, he has accomplished a lot. Within his first 100 days, he increased the city’s police presence, expanded youth programs, and made it easier for former criminals to get jobs. He also miraculously lowered property taxes in Newark. Even more impressive, since taking office, the crime rate in Newark has dropped dramatically (murders and rapes are down over 40%!), the amount of affordable housing has greatly increased, and the city has received over $100 million in private donations.

Mayor Booker’s leadership hasn’t gone unnoticed. Upon taking office, Obama tapped him to be the head of the White House Office of Urban Affairs Policy. Remarkably, Booker turned it down in order to stay focused on his beloved city. Wow. Who in their right mind would turn down a comfy, high-paying leadership job in DC to stay in the Newark? I guess Cory Booker would.

Booker got even more national attention this past September, when he and Conan O’Brien got into a little spat. After Conan made a little joke at the mayor’s expense, Booker banned Conan from Newark Liberty Airport. In my opinion, never having to set foot in that airport would be more of a reward than a punishment. Anyway, Booker and Conan have since settled their dispute, with the latter making a $500 donation every time he jokes about Newark.

Another recent event has once again put Mayor Booker in the spotlight. On New Year’s Eve, a woman contacted Booker through Twitter and asked him to help her 65 year old father shovel snow. So what does the mayor do? Within twenty minutes, he shows up at the guy’s house to shovel the driveway! Unbelievable.

Say what you want about New Jersey and our politicians, but there are some exceptions to the rule, with Cory Booker being the most obvious. What the hell has the mayor of Cincinnati done for anyone lately? And would the mayor of Miami drop whatever he was doing on New Year’s Eve to shovel snow for someone? And don’t even get me started on the mayor of Eugene, Oregon….

On behalf of the city of Newark and the state of New Jersey, I’d like to thank Mayor Cory Booker for a job well done. You, sir, have helped me in my quest to prove that the Armpit of America isn’t so bad after all.

Jersey Lager

October 17, 2009

On my way to a party this past summer, I stopped off at the local liquor store to pick up a little something. After unsuccessfully trying to avoid the two jerks from my high school who were working there, I perused the store’s beer selection. I saw a shelf of six-packs that immediately caught my attention. Right there on the neck of each bottle was the outline of everyone’s favorite odd-shaped state.

Jersey Lager Ingredients: water, hops, barley, Jon Bon Jovi's sweat, yeast

Jersey Lager Ingredients: water, hops, barley, Jon Bon Jovi's sweat, yeast

Upon closer inspection, I saw that the beer was called Jersey Lager, and it was produced by a company called Wiedenmayer. My first thoughts, and certainly yours as well, were who the hell would buy beer made in New Jersey? To answer that question, me. I would proudly buy beer made in New Jersey and did just that. And so have you (probably).

Anyone who has been to the former Newark Airport, which is now known as Newark Liberty Airport, has surely seen that giant building with the big, rotating Anheuser-Busch sign at the top. That’s right, if you drank any member of the Anheuser-Busch family of beers, including Budweiser, Busch, Michelob, Rolling Rock, or Natural Ice, than you have had New Jersey beer! New Jersey beer made with Newark tap water!

Now that I’ve grossed you all out, let’s get back to the subject at hand – Jersey Lager. I gave one of the jerks from my high school the money for the beer and made my way to the party. After putting the beer on the counter and photographing it, I made my rounds. After coming back to the kitchen, all six beers were gone. I guess that’s what I deserve for being cheap and not springing for another pack.

So, unfortunately, I can’t give you a detailed description of the beer. And, since I’m not much of a beer connoisseur, I’d probably give a bad description anyway. Luckily, some of my drunken friends were able to give me their reviews:

“It was alright.”

“It’s good.”

“YEAH JERSEYYYYYY WOOOOOO!!!!!!!”

After analyzing this feedback, I’ve come to the conclusion that Wiedenmayer’s Jersey Lager is perfectly mediocre. However, most, if not all, of the appeal lies in the name itself, as proven by my impulse buy and the third panelist’s feedback.

I know it is odd to present a product I haven’t actually tried myself. But, if you don’t mind generic beer with a little picture of New Jersey on the label, then Jersey Lager may be just the beer for you!