Posted tagged ‘Newark’

Even Store Brand Cereal Boxes Make Fun of New Jersey

June 11, 2017

Everyone loves to make fun of New Jersey, and it’s no surprise that the Armpit of America has long been the butt of everyone’s jokes. While negative comments about the state are typically relegated to pop culture or conversations with those from out of state, hate for New Jersey can also be found in the unlikeliest of places: a cereal box.

My discovery came from a recently purchased box of store brand cereal (don’t judge me), in particular, Shoprite brand bran flakes (again, don’t judge me). On the back of the box is this whole trivia thing about American cities:

cereal 1

In that left-side panel is a quiz about city nicknames, listing the nickname of a city and offering two possible answers. One city nickname presented is”Hornet’s Nest,” with the two choices being Charlotte, North Carolina and none other than Newark, New Jersey.

cereal 2

Obviously, the answer is Charlotte – and that name isn’t just because of the basketball team. The city first earned the moniker during the Revolutionary War when it was known as a “hornet’s nest of rebellion.”

But whoever designed this box took a swipe at New Jersey by making Newark the other option. Unless you live in Charlotte, a hornet’s next is a terrifying thing to encounter, and something you’d want to stay the hell away from. Sure, Newark might not have the best reputation, between the city itself and its namesake airport, but to call it a hornet’s nest? I’d say it’s more of a beehive – might be a little scary, but there is some good stuff inside.

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New Jersey Personalities: Cory Booker

January 5, 2010

Newark. Most people consider it the shittiest of shitholes. Between its traffic, gangs, pollution, and all-around ghettoness, this city represents the worst of the Armpit of America. But, there is at least one bright spot: its mayor.

Cory Booker has been mayor of Newark since 2006, and, in that short period of time, he has accomplished a lot. Within his first 100 days, he increased the city’s police presence, expanded youth programs, and made it easier for former criminals to get jobs. He also miraculously lowered property taxes in Newark. Even more impressive, since taking office, the crime rate in Newark has dropped dramatically (murders and rapes are down over 40%!), the amount of affordable housing has greatly increased, and the city has received over $100 million in private donations.

Mayor Booker’s leadership hasn’t gone unnoticed. Upon taking office, Obama tapped him to be the head of the White House Office of Urban Affairs Policy. Remarkably, Booker turned it down in order to stay focused on his beloved city. Wow. Who in their right mind would turn down a comfy, high-paying leadership job in DC to stay in the Newark? I guess Cory Booker would.

Booker got even more national attention this past September, when he and Conan O’Brien got into a little spat. After Conan made a little joke at the mayor’s expense, Booker banned Conan from Newark Liberty Airport. In my opinion, never having to set foot in that airport would be more of a reward than a punishment. Anyway, Booker and Conan have since settled their dispute, with the latter making a $500 donation every time he jokes about Newark.

Another recent event has once again put Mayor Booker in the spotlight. On New Year’s Eve, a woman contacted Booker through Twitter and asked him to help her 65 year old father shovel snow. So what does the mayor do? Within twenty minutes, he shows up at the guy’s house to shovel the driveway! Unbelievable.

Say what you want about New Jersey and our politicians, but there are some exceptions to the rule, with Cory Booker being the most obvious. What the hell has the mayor of Cincinnati done for anyone lately? And would the mayor of Miami drop whatever he was doing on New Year’s Eve to shovel snow for someone? And don’t even get me started on the mayor of Eugene, Oregon….

On behalf of the city of Newark and the state of New Jersey, I’d like to thank Mayor Cory Booker for a job well done. You, sir, have helped me in my quest to prove that the Armpit of America isn’t so bad after all.

Jersey Lager

October 17, 2009

On my way to a party this past summer, I stopped off at the local liquor store to pick up a little something. After unsuccessfully trying to avoid the two jerks from my high school who were working there, I perused the store’s beer selection. I saw a shelf of six-packs that immediately caught my attention. Right there on the neck of each bottle was the outline of everyone’s favorite odd-shaped state.

Jersey Lager Ingredients: water, hops, barley, Jon Bon Jovi's sweat, yeast

Jersey Lager Ingredients: water, hops, barley, Jon Bon Jovi's sweat, yeast

Upon closer inspection, I saw that the beer was called Jersey Lager, and it was produced by a company called Wiedenmayer. My first thoughts, and certainly yours as well, were who the hell would buy beer made in New Jersey? To answer that question, me. I would proudly buy beer made in New Jersey and did just that. And so have you (probably).

Anyone who has been to the former Newark Airport, which is now known as Newark Liberty Airport, has surely seen that giant building with the big, rotating Anheuser-Busch sign at the top. That’s right, if you drank any member of the Anheuser-Busch family of beers, including Budweiser, Busch, Michelob, Rolling Rock, or Natural Ice, than you have had New Jersey beer! New Jersey beer made with Newark tap water!

Now that I’ve grossed you all out, let’s get back to the subject at hand – Jersey Lager. I gave one of the jerks from my high school the money for the beer and made my way to the party. After putting the beer on the counter and photographing it, I made my rounds. After coming back to the kitchen, all six beers were gone. I guess that’s what I deserve for being cheap and not springing for another pack.

So, unfortunately, I can’t give you a detailed description of the beer. And, since I’m not much of a beer connoisseur, I’d probably give a bad description anyway. Luckily, some of my drunken friends were able to give me their reviews:

“It was alright.”

“It’s good.”

“YEAH JERSEYYYYYY WOOOOOO!!!!!!!”

After analyzing this feedback, I’ve come to the conclusion that Wiedenmayer’s Jersey Lager is perfectly mediocre. However, most, if not all, of the appeal lies in the name itself, as proven by my impulse buy and the third panelist’s feedback.

I know it is odd to present a product I haven’t actually tried myself. But, if you don’t mind generic beer with a little picture of New Jersey on the label, then Jersey Lager may be just the beer for you!