ArmpitNJ.com

A few months ago, I traveled across the Atlantic to Germany for one sole purpose: to find out what Europeans think about New Jersey.

Okay, maybe that wasn’t the only reason, but it was reason enough.

Anyway, upon arriving in Munich, we signed up for a beer and food tour of the city. We then met Luke, our thankfully English-speaking tour guide. Luke is an Australian transplant with the envious job of meeting people from all over the world and drinking German beer with them.

Once the tour group was assembled, Luke asked everyone where they were from. After the woman and I said we were from New Jersey, Luke immediately scoffed, as if New Jersey is an Australian curse or something. What’s funny, though, is that this was the only place that he had a reaction to. Yes, only New Jersey got Luke’s disapproval. Meanwhile, this koala-humping punk had no problems with Ohio (just like New Jersey, only more boring), Los Angeles (has anything good ever come from LA?), New Zealand (famous only for being Middle Earth’s stunt double), and Canada (it thinks it’s a real country…how cute!).

The wombat-wanker's lucky I didn't throw this beer in his face.

At some point during the evening, Luke asked what I do. I told him I was unemployed at the moment, but I just started a blog about New Jersey. He again scoffed, as only those Australians can scoff, and said he hates New Jersey. I asked why, and he told me that he only hears bad things about it. He also added that he was actually in New Jersey once, driving from New York to Philadelphia. After remarking on how dreadful the Turnpike is, which I certainly agreed with, he said how he made sure the doors were locked in case the mafia tried to break in.

I then told him that I had yet to encounter any mobsters in New Jersey. I also explained how the point of my blog is to paint a better picture of the state and disprove some of the negative stereotypes. Luke seemed genuinely interested and convinced that there was more to the Armpit of America than the Turnpike and mobsters.

Later on, at the Hofbrauhaus, our group was discussing public urination for some odd reason. But after drinking a few liters, could you blame us? Some of the guys in the group were saying how they’ve peed in alley ways and such. I also admitted to having peed where I shouldn’t have and told everyone how I have a friend who was fined a lot of money for public urination. To which Luke so wittily replied, “And you’re trying to convince people that New Jersey isn’t that bad?”

Touche, kangaroo-fucker. Touche.

So what I learned on my trip to Europe is that even Australian guys in Germany hate New Jersey. Someone who has lived on two different continents, neither of which is North America, still knew about all the stereotypes and bad impressions that everyone seems to have about the state.

I also learned that I don’t like girls from Ohio, especially those who complain about having to drink beer on a beer tour. And that Canadians are goofy. Totally adorable, but goofy.