Posted tagged ‘beer’

Three Jars and a Bottle of Jersey

January 27, 2017

Hard to believe, but it’s been nearly four years since I left my beloved New Jersey. Since then, I’ve collected numerous things to remind me of the Armpit of America and comfort me as I get nostalgic for the state’s litter-strewn highways, chemical vapor-filled skies and golden but dirty shores. So join me as I break into four cherished mementos, in the form of Jersey-flavored tomatoes, alcohol and wax!

Jar #1 – Ethnic Cottage Jersey Tomato Sauce

tomato-sauce

Purveyors of internationally flavored products like Indian and Thai sauces, Ethnic Cottage decided to cover a new ethnicity, Jersey-Italian, with its line of four Jersey tomato sauces, including the pictured marinara. I was pretty surprised by the ingredient list, comprised of just tomatoes, onion, garlic, olive oil, salt and seasonings, and no sugar, no chemicals and no weird thickeners. The result is a great tasting sauce that tastes like some little Italian grandmother made it herself. Sure, if you like your tomato sauce to be overly sweet and salty, you might not enjoy this. But if you want a tomato sauce without any weird additives and in which you can actually taste every individual ingredient, give Ethnic Cottage a try! (more…)

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Bar + Arcade = Barcade!

May 4, 2013

Yeah I live in Lawn Guyland now, but that doesn’t mean I can’t still write about the place I lived for 29 years, right?

Well I was back in my home state last weekend after making the trip to the Paris of the Armpit of America, AKA, Jersey City.  What I didn’t count on was this journey including an extra 45 minutes of driving around looking for parking. Anyway, the trip was well worth the effort, as the plan was to head to a bar I’d never heard of until that night: Barcade.

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No Escape from “Escape From New Jersey”

November 25, 2011

Any person growing up in New Jersey has often felt the need to get out of New Jersey.  And while some act on this desire and move to another state, many – myself included- are fated to stay in the Armpit of America forever.  This constant struggle of wanting to get out but realizing you never will is perfectly exemplified by the board game “Escape from New Jersey.”  Not sure where else you can find it, but I got mine at True Jersey Supply Company, a store in Belmar full of all things Jersey.

As you can see above, Escape from New Jersey isn’t technically a board game.  It’s more of a laminated piece of paper that comes in a cardboard tube, so you’ll need to weigh down the corners to keep it from rolling back up.  And rather than having real game pieces, you just get cheap plastic cowboys and Indians that can’t even stand up on their own.  Yeah, the whole thing is pretty flimsy.  Flimsy, but fun. (more…)

Even Australian Guys in Germany Hate New Jersey

October 26, 2009

A few months ago, I traveled across the Atlantic to Germany for one sole purpose: to find out what Europeans think about New Jersey.

Okay, maybe that wasn’t the only reason, but it was reason enough.

Anyway, upon arriving in Munich, we signed up for a beer and food tour of the city. We then met Luke, our thankfully English-speaking tour guide. Luke is an Australian transplant with the envious job of meeting people from all over the world and drinking German beer with them.

Once the tour group was assembled, Luke asked everyone where they were from. After the woman and I said we were from New Jersey, Luke immediately scoffed, as if New Jersey is an Australian curse or something. What’s funny, though, is that this was the only place that he had a reaction to. Yes, only New Jersey got Luke’s disapproval. Meanwhile, this koala-humping punk had no problems with Ohio (just like New Jersey, only more boring), Los Angeles (has anything good ever come from LA?), New Zealand (famous only for being Middle Earth’s stunt double), and Canada (it thinks it’s a real country…how cute!).

beers

The wombat-wanker's lucky I didn't throw this beer in his face.

At some point during the evening, Luke asked what I do. I told him I was unemployed at the moment, but I just started a blog about New Jersey. He again scoffed, as only those Australians can scoff, and said he hates New Jersey. I asked why, and he told me that he only hears bad things about it. He also added that he was actually in New Jersey once, driving from New York to Philadelphia. After remarking on how dreadful the Turnpike is, which I certainly agreed with, he said how he made sure the doors were locked in case the mafia tried to break in.

I then told him that I had yet to encounter any mobsters in New Jersey. I also explained how the point of my blog is to paint a better picture of the state and disprove some of the negative stereotypes. Luke seemed genuinely interested and convinced that there was more to the Armpit of America than the Turnpike and mobsters.

Later on, at the Hofbrauhaus, our group was discussing public urination for some odd reason. But after drinking a few liters, could you blame us? Some of the guys in the group were saying how they’ve peed in alley ways and such. I also admitted to having peed where I shouldn’t have and told everyone how I have a friend who was fined a lot of money for public urination. To which Luke so wittily replied, “And you’re trying to convince people that New Jersey isn’t that bad?”

Touche, kangaroo-fucker. Touche.

So what I learned on my trip to Europe is that even Australian guys in Germany hate New Jersey. Someone who has lived on two different continents, neither of which is North America, still knew about all the stereotypes and bad impressions that everyone seems to have about the state.

I also learned that I don’t like girls from Ohio, especially those who complain about having to drink beer on a beer tour. And that Canadians are goofy. Totally adorable, but goofy.

Jersey Lager

October 17, 2009

On my way to a party this past summer, I stopped off at the local liquor store to pick up a little something. After unsuccessfully trying to avoid the two jerks from my high school who were working there, I perused the store’s beer selection. I saw a shelf of six-packs that immediately caught my attention. Right there on the neck of each bottle was the outline of everyone’s favorite odd-shaped state.

Jersey Lager Ingredients: water, hops, barley, Jon Bon Jovi's sweat, yeast

Jersey Lager Ingredients: water, hops, barley, Jon Bon Jovi's sweat, yeast

Upon closer inspection, I saw that the beer was called Jersey Lager, and it was produced by a company called Wiedenmayer. My first thoughts, and certainly yours as well, were who the hell would buy beer made in New Jersey? To answer that question, me. I would proudly buy beer made in New Jersey and did just that. And so have you (probably).

Anyone who has been to the former Newark Airport, which is now known as Newark Liberty Airport, has surely seen that giant building with the big, rotating Anheuser-Busch sign at the top. That’s right, if you drank any member of the Anheuser-Busch family of beers, including Budweiser, Busch, Michelob, Rolling Rock, or Natural Ice, than you have had New Jersey beer! New Jersey beer made with Newark tap water!

Now that I’ve grossed you all out, let’s get back to the subject at hand – Jersey Lager. I gave one of the jerks from my high school the money for the beer and made my way to the party. After putting the beer on the counter and photographing it, I made my rounds. After coming back to the kitchen, all six beers were gone. I guess that’s what I deserve for being cheap and not springing for another pack.

So, unfortunately, I can’t give you a detailed description of the beer. And, since I’m not much of a beer connoisseur, I’d probably give a bad description anyway. Luckily, some of my drunken friends were able to give me their reviews:

“It was alright.”

“It’s good.”

“YEAH JERSEYYYYYY WOOOOOO!!!!!!!”

After analyzing this feedback, I’ve come to the conclusion that Wiedenmayer’s Jersey Lager is perfectly mediocre. However, most, if not all, of the appeal lies in the name itself, as proven by my impulse buy and the third panelist’s feedback.

I know it is odd to present a product I haven’t actually tried myself. But, if you don’t mind generic beer with a little picture of New Jersey on the label, then Jersey Lager may be just the beer for you!