Archive for the ‘Jersey Shore’ category

Summer is Over (So I Took Some Pictures to Make It Last Longer)

October 10, 2011

Yeah, it’s been a while since I’ve updated.  Deal with it.

I’ve successfully survived my first summer living at the Jersey Shore.  Though that’s not to say there weren’t a few close calls – like a hurricane, a tornado, a slight altercation with a bouncer, etc.  That being said, I’d like to share a few pictures.

Let’s start with this one:

I was lucky enough to attend a bonfire party on the beach.  That really was quite an experience.  The only bad part?  I was under the impression that a fire at the beach would attract Annette Funicello and Frankie Avalon, but no such luck. (more…)

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Top 5 Things I’m Looking Forward to This Summer

April 24, 2011

No shore traffic for me this summer - definitely looking forward to that!

Flowers are in bloom, the weather’s getting warmer, and girls all over New Jersey are visiting tanning booths and throwing up their meals in order to look good in a bikini.  These are all signs that summer is coming to the Jersey Shore.  And I couldn’t be happier, especially after the winter we had this year.  So what am I looking forward to most about this summer in the Armpit of America?  Keep reading to find out.

1. Finally being popular – As this will be my first summer living at the beach, I may finally know what it’s like to be popular!  From what I’ve heard, when you have a beach house, people come out of the woodwork to come over.  So even though I’ll probably be taken advantage of by some of my random acquaintances who want a place to chill before going to the beach or crash after going to the bars, it will feel like I have so many more friends!

2. Corn – Throughout the fall, winter, and spring, we’re stuck eating corn out of a can or from the freezer.  Not in summer though.  Come July, New Jersey provides its residents with the best, sweetest corn imaginable. It’s so unbelievably good, you don’t even have to cook it. Hell, you don’t heve have to husk it! Take that, Nebraska!

3. Outdoor Bars – The bars at the Jersey Shore are fun all year round.  But they can get a little cramped and stuffy during the off-season.  Once summer comes, they open up their outdoor sections, allowing guests the option to escape the guidos and crappy coverbands inside, and hang around outside. That being said, here’s a quick list of my favorite outdoor bars: (more…)

Jersey Shore Season 3 Recap

April 9, 2011

I had originally intended to recap each and every episode of MTV’s groundbreaking and highly influential show. However, I gave up half-way through the second season, which took place in Miami despite being called Jersey Shore. I apologize, but I’m sure you understand. As we all know, each episode was pretty much the same. Sammi and Ronnie fight and make up. Vinny, Pauly D, and Mike “The Situation” hook up with as many girls as possible. Angelina starts shit with everyone. J-WOWW dresses like a slut. Snooki does something adorable.

For the third season, the gang was back whoring it up in Seaside Heights. Though the season started out strong, it soon fizzled out. It’s sad, but these people have become caricatures of themselves and no longer seem that interesting. Even sadder, they are all celebrities now and make more in one year than I’ll probably make in my lifetime. All that aside, the show is still pretty entertaining. But if you haven’t been keeping up with it, let me fill you in on who/what went down this season (along with some great artwork by Jennifer Herd of bite.ca).

J-WOWW and Snooki

"Is that a lightsaber in your pocket, or are you just happy to see us?"

Everyone’s favorite pickle-loving best-selling author (check out her first draft!) is still on her quest to find the perfect guido. Though Snooki makes no attempt to hide her feelings for her cast-mate Vinnie, there’s always some kind of drama keeping those two apart. Aside from the early episode where she got arrested for being drunk at the beach, our girl Snooks was pretty low-key this season. (more…)

You Never Know Who You’ll Run Into at the Jersey Shore

April 7, 2011

This afternoon, I had an unexpected encounter right here in Belmar.  So who did I run into?  Was it Snooki?  Bruce Springsteen?  Jon Bon Jovi?  Chris Christie?

Find out after the jump… (more…)

Winter in New Jersey Still Sucks!

January 17, 2011

...except during the winter.

About a year ago, I wrote this entry about the rough winter we were having in the Armpit of America. Well, last year’s winter was pretty balmy compared to this year. In that entry, I bitched about us getting two feet of snow last year. That might has well have been two inches compared to the three feet we got a couple of weeks ago.

Yes, three feet of snow. None of which has really melted yet. Almost every single day since that major snowfall on December 26 has been at or below freezing. And the little amount that actually does melt or evaporate just gets replaced by a new snowfall, such as the one going on right now. Luckily for me, I work from home. I can’t imagine what it’s like for the millions of New Jerseyans who have to drive to work on already shitty roads made shittier by this horrible weather.

Despite the weather, I’ve still been having fun here at the Jersey Shore. One of the good things about this winter weather is that it keeps all the guidos from North Jersey and New York up where they belong. For instance, I had quite a pleasant, guido-less night at the Boathouse on Saturday. As nice as it is when it’s less crowded, it was weird seeing the bar as empty as it was. Either way, it was a fun night. The live music was provided by Daddy Pop, one of the regular cover bands that populate the Shore and the band that played at my sister’s wedding. They were pretty good, and I commend them for only playing one of these overplayed cover band songs. It was American Girl for those interested. (more…)

Belmar: The First 48 Hours

September 6, 2010

Two days ago, I moved out of New Brunswick and into a beautiful oceanfront apartment in Belmar. Though New Brunswick will always have a special place in my heart, having lived there for five years, I’m happy to leave that city behind. One can only take so much dirt and crime and shady people. While the Armpit of America has more than its fair share of these things (hence the nickname), Belmar is a safe haven from such deviance. Or at least it’s relatively safe compared to elsewhere in the state.

Saturday afternoon, I rented a U-Haul and the woman and I brought all my stuff to the new place. After spending a couple hours unloading (somehow the two of us were able to carry two couches up a flight of stairs), we drove back to return the truck. We didn’t get back to Belmar until 10:30, at which point my roommate, his girlfriend, and three of our friends showed up. We ordered a giant pizza from 3 Brothers Pizza and spent the next couple hours setting up. Since we didn’t have cable, and still don’t as of right now, we tapped into my DVD collection. The Robot Chicken Star Wars episode and Yellow Submarine were the DVDS of choice. Though we talked about hitting up the bars, everyone was too tired and sweaty from moving to go out, so we just hung around until 2:00 before going to bed.

Sunday was spent shopping around at the saddest little Shop Rite (hard to explain but it’s just depressing) and K-Mart and finishing unpacking and everything else. When it was dinner time, we decided to try something different and went to Kaya’s Kitchen, a completely vegetarian restaurant run by hippies. (more…)

Top 5 Overplayed Jersey Shore Cover Band Songs

July 7, 2010

Jon Bon Jovi or Jersey girl? I'm still not sure.

If you hang out at bars at the Jersey Shore, you’re bound to come across at least one of many bands making their living off of other people’s songs. While they may have their own musical aspirations, no record company is knocking at the door with a big advance. So, they settle for cover gigs at the shore, where they play inferior versions of popular songs to indifferent audiences.

Don’t get me wrong; I do enjoy the Jersey Shore cover bands, which are primarily made up of a bunch of 20-or-30-something year-old guys, usually along with one heavy-set, middle-aged man on bass. They make for a fun evening, no matter which shore bar, from Atlantic Highlands all the way down to Cape May, you might find yourself in. Who wouldn’t want to hear a band play a bunch of classics that everyone knows, rather than a crappy band that plays their own stuff?

Despite my fondness for Jersey Shore cover bands, I do have one point of contention with them. THEY ALL PLAY THE SAME SONGS! No matter which band you see, you’re more than likely to hear all of the five songs below. While not necessarily bad songs, you easily get sick of hearing them all summer long.

So, if any member, manager, or groupie (ha, yeah right!) of a Jersey Shore cover band is reading this, please get your band to stop playing these songs:

1. “Pour Some Sugar on Me” by Def Leppard

Maybe it’s just me, but this song, more than the rest on the list, just seems so dated. Whenever I hear it, I can’t help but think of some trashy 80s Jersey mall girls bopping their hairspray-hardened coifs around to this song. See? “Pour Some Sugar on Me” even makes this crusader against the negative Jersey stereotype actually buy into it.

2. “Livin’ on a Prayer” by Bon Jovi

“Living on a Prayer” has now made its second appearance on one of my Top 5 lists. Though not a bad song by any means, it is definitely overplayed. Overplayed on the radio, and overplayed by Jersey Shore cover bands. Sure, it’s pretty much the Armpit of America’s unofficial anthem. But, for these bands to play it every single night is just plain overkill. (more…)