Jersey City Pimpin’

Posted May 23, 2010 by armpitnj
Categories: Random
Tags: , , , ,

Photo by Margaret Schmidt/The Jersey Journal

My goal in writing this blog has always been to show New Jersey in a more positive light, compared to its dreadful reputation. By showing how New Jersey is better than other states, highlighting places of interest, and even finding the humor in the train wreck known as “Jersey Shore,” I hope that I have helped make people’s views of the state a little better. Sometimes, however, my mission is made much more difficult. No matter how great New Jersey can be, there are certain instances that ensure the state holds onto its status as the Armpit of America.

Take this story about a Jersey City pimp, running his business out of an apartment in Society Hill. As I know two people who live in that development, this story really hits close to home. Well, I guess it hits a lot closer to their home than mine.

Anyway, the pimp, who goes by the name “Prince,” was recently sentenced to 18 years in jail. His charges include kidnapping women, some as young as 17, and forcing them into prostitution. And what if one of those young ladies didn’t want to be a prostitute? Mr. Prince would tie her up to a bed and force her to take heroin until she became addicted. And the only way she could feed that addiction would be to sell herself and get the drug in return.

As if this story wasn’t crazy enough, Prince even had his mother in on the business. And his sister tried to defend him by claiming that he wasn’t a pimp at all. According to her, he ran a prostitution rehabilitation center, helping those girls get back into society. She also said how he bought one girl a computer, and now that former prostitute is working at a hospital in south Jersey. Remind me never to get sick in New Jersey’s nether region. Read the rest of this post »

Comments: 8 Comments

Ocean City Part III: Monkey Bread and Shark Abortions

Posted May 18, 2010 by armpitnj
Categories: Armpit Adventures, Jersey Shore
Tags: , , , ,

Although I had already spent a small fortune on greasy pizza and crappy arcade games, my day at the Ocean City boardwalk wasn’t over just yet. You see, we still needed to get some dessert. And, as the Jersey Shore boardwalk is a site for unlimited gluttony, you can find a wide variety of all types of deep-fried pleasures. One of those pleasures is monkey bread:

Though I had heard of monkey bread before, I never tasted it until this day. It’s essentially deep-fried balls of dough rolled in cinnamon and sugar. Then, they’re glued together into a cone-like shape with some kind of sugary glue. Since it isn’t unhealthy enough to be considered boardwalk fare at this point, it’s doused with an even more sugary glaze. Read the rest of this post »

Comments: 1 Comment

Ocean City Part II: The Archaic Arcade

Posted May 13, 2010 by armpitnj
Categories: Armpit Adventures, Jersey Shore
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

After seeing the best of what Ocean City has to offer in terms of pizza, which certainly isn’t Mack and Manco’s, it was time to explore another integral part of any shore town in New Jersey. I’m talking about the boardwalk arcade. While Ocean City has a couple, the one I had my sights set on was the Hollywood Arcade, which is full of old, classic table games.

I first discovered the Hollywood Arcade on my first and, until recently, only trip to Ocean City. The whole time I was there, I kept wishing I had brought my camera. There were all those old arcade games that I had never seen before, including a Tommy-themed pinball machine!

Fast-forward two years later, where my obsession for all things Jersey has resulted in me spending every single minute of free time that I have working on a stupid blog about the state. So, this time, I was well prepared. With my camera and a pocket full of quarters, I entered the arcade. Read the rest of this post »

Comments: 1 Comment

Ocean City Part I: Pizza Wars

Posted May 11, 2010 by armpitnj
Categories: Armpit Adventures, Food, Jersey Shore
Tags: , , , , , ,

While Maryland might have the more famous one, New Jersey has its own Ocean City. Found way down south between Atlantic City and Cape May, Ocean City is famous for its sprawling boardwalk. It is also known for being one of the Armpit of America’s few dry towns, meaning alcohol isn’t sold anywhere within its borders. While this might be somewhat disappointing, the good thing about it is that you won’t find any drunken guidos there.

Although the weather wasn’t perfect, the woman and I went down to Ocean City this past Saturday. As we were driving down the Garden State Parkway, I got the sudden urge to get off at Exit 38B for the Atlantic City Expressway and head over to the casinos. Somehow I managed to fight it, and we were soon at Exit 25 and a short distance from Ocean City’s boardwalk.

Since it was a little chilly outside and the weather called for scatter thunderstorms, I figured the boardwalk would be pretty empty. Though it doesn’t happen too often, I was wrong. It was kinda crowded.

Polish Water Ice? That must be the punch line to some joke, right?

There was no sign of rain, but the weather still wasn’t perfect. It was incredibly windy. And I don’t mean just a strong breeze here and there. These were hurricane-force gales. We tried walking on the beach but had to turn around rather quickly. After being on the beach for like two seconds, I already had sand all over my hair and in my eyes. Still, I’d rather have my eyes tortured by sand then being tortured by the sight of the sleazy guidos found elsewhere on the shore. Read the rest of this post »

Comments: 3 Comments

State vs. State: Idaho

Posted May 7, 2010 by armpitnj
Categories: State vs. State
Tags: , , , ,

It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these State vs. State entries. For this one, I’m comparing New Jersey to the great mediocre state of Idaho! Though I had originally intended to start out with those states closest to the Armpit of America, I realized that strategy would leave me with a whole bunch of big, blocky, boring states out west. To prevent this from happening, I figured I might as well get a head start.  So I decided to go with the most boring of all.

"Esto Perpetua" - Latin for "This state sucks!"

Let’s start by discussing Idaho’s most famous, if not only, export. The potato. Everyone seems to make a big deal about Idaho potatoes, but are they really that much better than potatoes grown anywhere else? I highly doubt it. Besides, who would even be able to tell anyway? I mean, no one eats a potato straight up. We fry them, mash them, cover them with butter, sour cream, cheese, and bacon. It doesn’t matter where a potato is grown; they just serve as a base for salt and grease.

New Jersey’s produce, on the other hand, is something special; we aren’t called the Garden State for nothing. Though people may mock the fact that such a disgusting state has a nickname like that, it is well deserved. New Jersey’s corn and tomatoes are legendary. And they can be eaten on their own, unlike those overrated and worthless Idaho potatoes. Read the rest of this post »

Comments: 9 Comments

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