Posted tagged ‘snooki’

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“Jersey Shore” Episode 3 Recap: Snooking for Love in All the Wrong Places

August 18, 2010

This episode begins where the last when left off; Angelina is being the most annoying drunk person ever. She’s crying in front of Mike and Pauly and just making an idiot of herself. All the commotion wakes up J-WOWW, who looks like she’s ready to eff a bitch up. Fortunately for Angelina, J-WOWW takes pity because she’s so drunk.

That morning, Vinnie, Ronnie, and J-WOWW head over to the gelato shop for their first day of work. J-WOWW complains that the shirt they have to wear is too tight and that her boobs are suffocating. She then struggles to simply scoop the ice cream into a cone. In what should come as a surprise to absolutely no one, though, J-WOWW has no trouble giving a customer a milkshake.

Later on, Vinnie complains how he hasn’t gotten a good haircut since getting to Miami. Um, hello? It’s only been like 3 days, right? Anyway, he and Ronnie decide to go to a ghetto barber shop. As they walk through the hood, a part of me hopes they get mugged. But no such luck. They get their haircuts and rave about how good the ghetto barbers are. Meanwhile, they both look exactly the same.

Still looks like a douche...

Now it’s the time that we’ve all been waiting for. Sammi gives us the update about her and Ronnie! She explains that things are really good right now and he’s being so nice and understanding. Yeah, you just keep thinking that, Tanny Bug Eyes. We all know you’re just gonna be crying about him in a few minutes. Well, everyone knows except for you.

Ten minutes into the episode, we get our first glimpse of Ms. Snooki. Don’t the producers know that she’s the only reason people watch this show? Seriously, cut out all the dumb scenes of the Sammi/Ronnie drama and Angelina being grumpy and just show more Snooki. Everything she does is adorable. By the way, did you all catch her new makeover? (more…)

Categories: MTV's "Jersey Shore"
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“Jersey Shore” Episode 2 Recap: Tranny Shops, Dirty Chicken, and Gelato

August 11, 2010

This was by far the most boring episode of “Jersey Shore.” Sammi and Ronnie fought and made up several times. Mike once again demonstrated his prowess in the kitchen. Angelina was a drunken bitch. Snooki was just adorable. That’s pretty much all that happened. There wasn’t much to work with, but hopefully this review will be more entertaining than the show itself.

Episode 2 begins with the guys going back to the house after Ronnie spent the night creeping. They’re sitting around talking about the night’s events. I honestly have no idea what they’re saying. Maybe it’s because they were drunk, or maybe it’s because I’m not fluent in guido. But seriously, go watch the first few minutes and tell me if you understand anything they say. Eventually we learn that Ronnie plans on getting into bed with Sammi, even though he spent the night making out with other girls. Vinny tells us he’s speechless…as usual. Pauly announces that Ronnie has a new nickname, but every time anyone says it, it gets bleeped out.

"HULK SMASH....RONNIE SMUSH"

Anyway, how does Mike feel about all this? “The whole situation, it’s a bad situation.” Wow, he really can’t go one sentence without mentioning that word. Meanwhile, Ronnie tells us that he had a “Shnookie” night, meaning he got so drunk he forgot what he did. It amazes me how these idiots still can’t say her name right. Maybe she should wear that stupid hat with her name on it more often. (more…)

Categories: MTV's "Jersey Shore"
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“Jersey Shore” Episode 1 Recap: Two Girls One Creep

August 4, 2010

“Jersey Shore” made its trashtastic return to our televisions last week, and it was just as entertaining as expected. So, if you didn’t see the Season 2 premiere, saw it and want to read about it, or just ended up here because you googled “jwoww tits,” you’ve come to the right place. On a side note, I seriously debated whether I should even recap this season. Despite its title, this show now has our favorite group of New Yorkers living it up in Miami and not in New Jersey. However, I just have too much fun analyzing these idiots.

I bet they left behind an oil slick rivaling that in the Gulf...

So here we go. The episode starts with some loser who calls himself “The Situation” giving us a recap of the previous season. He explains that there were a lot of fights, hookups, and drama. As we all know, Mike the Sitch wasn’t involved in any fights or hookups, but girlfriend sure caused a lot of drama. We then hear from Vinny, who contributes nothing constructive (in typical Vinny fashion).

But after his little spiel, our girl Snooki comes on. She explains how they had so much fun together last time, they had to do it again. Of course, she left out the part about MTV exploiting their shenanigans and giving them tons of money in return, but let’s let Snooki think that it’s all in her hands. Anyway, Snooki then exclaims “We’re coming to Miami!” My thoughts? Too bad 75% of the Golden Girls are dead; a crossover special would have been incredible. (more…)

Categories: MTV's "Jersey Shore", Reviews
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She’s Baaaaaaaccckkk!!!

July 29, 2010

All hail the Pumpkin Queen!

Snooki (and the rest of those jokers) graced us with her presence on the Season 2 premiere of “Jersey Shore.”  Even though this season will have these New Yorkers painting the town tan in Miami, you can still expect weekly episode reviews right here on Armpitnj.com.  And the first episode was pretty darn entertaining.  Check back soon for a full review!

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MTV’s “Jersey Shore” Episode 8

January 21, 2010

I know I’m kinda late with this “Jersey Shore” review, but the new and final episode hasn’t aired yet, so I’m still good!

This episode begins with a recap of J-WOW’s much anticipated (and deserved) assault against Mike. Still in shock that someone had the gall to hit him, he does what he does best: talk shit about her. He says that he didn’t know if he should hit back, since he’s not sure if J-WOWW is a man or a woman. That’s funny; she was probably thinking the same thing about him.

J-WOWW tells Snooki that she’s thinking about leaving the house. That’s when Snooki begs her to stay and tells her, “If you leave, I’m gonna stuff your nose with tampons.” Haha. Anyone besides me getting turned on by that mental image? Didn’t think so. Meanwhile, Mike is still in a hissy fit about getting beat up by a girl. He just bitches about how he’s done with J-WOWW and then explains that she’s not the only person he’s annoyed with. You see, ever since Vinny realized what a pathetic loser Mike is, he’s been talking shit to him every chance he gets. And poor, innocent, violated Mike can’t handle that. As he puts it, he’s tired of seeing Vinny’s “smug little punk bitch look.”

Speaking of smug little punk bitches...

That night, Vinny and Pauly are hanging out on the boardwalk with these three chicks. Who shows up to ruin the fun? Danielle, that Israeli girl that Pauly met in the last episode. He tells her that he’ll give her a call and then gets rid of her. She then continues to stalk him the rest of the night, and I can’t decide whether its more funny or creepy. Actually, the way she appears out of nowhere and just stares Pauly down is definitely more creepy. Especially since at one point, she gives him a custom-made t-shirt that says, “I ❤ JEWISH GIRLS.” Anyway, the guys return to the house and the phone rings. Fearing that it’s Danielle, Pauly tells Vinny to answer the phone and pretend its Mike. We then see Vinny do a hilarious and spot-on impression of Mike. I strongly suggest that everyone go and watch it.  Just fast forward to 12 minutes 35 seconds and prepare to laugh. (more…)

Categories: MTV's "Jersey Shore"
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