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Snooki Wrote a Book!

December 6, 2010

Excerpt from the book: "See Snooki. See Snooki hump. Hump Snooki hump."

Snooki is many things to many people.  She’s a reality show star and a YouTube star.  She’s a lover and a fighter.  She’s the guido lusting, gorilla humping, pickle sucking object of my obsession.  And now Snooki is adding another hat to her wardrobe (aside from that stupid Stetson bejeweled with her name on it).  You see, Snooki is now an author.

Joining the ranks of other reality show stars turned authors, like Kate Gosselin, Nicole Richie, and Jersey Shore castmate and former hookup Michael “The Situation” Sorrentino, Snooki is officially an author – a novelist to be more specific.

The book in question [the question being whether she really wrote it or not], is titled A Shore Thing.  Get it?  She became famous on “Jersey Shore” and then took a popular saying and substituted the word “sure” with the homonym of “shore”!  Such a genius this girl is!  Though this isn’t really Snooki’s first attempt at writing.  Remember that letter she wrote to Sammi telling her that Ronnie was cheating on her?  Well going by that, we can expect plenty of grammatical errors that even a third grader wouldn’t make.

So what is this book about? (more…)

Categories: MTV's "Jersey Shore"
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My Snook-o-Lantern

November 7, 2010

As promised in my last entry, here is a special surprise.  Although we’re a week late, my Snook-o-Lantern and I would like to wish everyone a very happy Halloween!

Enjoy!

Categories: MTV's "Jersey Shore", NJ Personalities, Videos
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South Park Goes Jersey

October 19, 2010

"It's a Jersey thing."

As South Park satirizes everything in the worlds of politics, pop culture, and current events, it was only a matter of time before Trey Parker and Matt Stone took on all things Jersey.  They did just that on last week’s episode, and the results were incredible.

The episode featured the small town of South Park, Colorado dealing with a special kind of infestation.  While it’s been overrun in the past with hippies, metrosexuals, homeless people, wealthy black families, and immigrants from the future, its most recent infestation is people from New Jersey.  Although, it wasn’t just any people from New Jersey – the stars of Real Housewives of New Jersey, Jerseylicious, and, of course, Jersey Shore all made their appearances.  They also referenced a “Steve” from a show called Last Call, but I have no idea who or what that is.

Anyway, the town tries to deal with the influx of Jersey trash, who, whenever they do something rude or stupid, always answer with “It’s a Jersey thing!”  Just as everyone is getting sick of all the Jersey freaks, we find out that one of South Park’s own residents is from New Jersey.  It turns out Kyle’s mom, who has long had the reputation of being a bitch, is from Newark.  That explains a lot.  Though she now goes by the name Sheila Braflovski, she used to be known as “S-Woww Tittybang.”  Ha. (more…)

Categories: MTV's "Jersey Shore", NJ Personalities, Reviews
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“Jersey Shore” Episode 4 Recap: Yawwwwn

August 25, 2010

This season is turning out to be pretty sucky. I could easily just recap the entire episode in one sentence: Sammi and Ronnie broke up but then got back together. But since there’s no fun in that, I’ll give you the whole shpiel.

The episode starts like all the rest, with the gang at some club. The other guys tell Ronnie how he’s president of the IFF. I have no idea what that stands for, but, since these guys act like they’re twelve, my guess is that IFF stands for the International Farting Federation. Anyway, Mike says how Sammi has no idea that Ronnie’s such a man-whore and that she’s being punk’d. Oh boy. Saying someone got punk’d is so 2003, which actually makes perfect sense. That’s when Grandpa Mike would have been 21, and it’s clear that he’s desperately trying to hold onto his youth. But he, and his receding hairline, can’t fool us.

The girls are at the house, and Snooki is inexplicably walking around with a teddy bear. So cute! Her gorilla juicehead Emilio calls her and says how he’s at a club with half-naked girls. Snooki gets mad and explains how all guys suck and that it’s no wonder the lesbian rate is going up. Uh huh.

❤ ❤ ❤

Tanny Bug Eyes then asks Snooki and J-WOWW if Ronnie’s doing anything behind her back. They get really awkward and look at each other but don’t say anything. Any normal person would realize that this means yes. But Sammi is pretty slow. Though she gets a little suspicious, she still trusts Ronnie 100%. We then see Ronnie at the club dancing with some tranny-looking Asian version of Jocelyn Wildenstein. To each his own. (more…)

Categories: MTV's "Jersey Shore"
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“Jersey Shore” Episode 3 Recap: Snooking for Love in All the Wrong Places

August 18, 2010

This episode begins where the last when left off; Angelina is being the most annoying drunk person ever. She’s crying in front of Mike and Pauly and just making an idiot of herself. All the commotion wakes up J-WOWW, who looks like she’s ready to eff a bitch up. Fortunately for Angelina, J-WOWW takes pity because she’s so drunk.

That morning, Vinnie, Ronnie, and J-WOWW head over to the gelato shop for their first day of work. J-WOWW complains that the shirt they have to wear is too tight and that her boobs are suffocating. She then struggles to simply scoop the ice cream into a cone. In what should come as a surprise to absolutely no one, though, J-WOWW has no trouble giving a customer a milkshake.

Later on, Vinnie complains how he hasn’t gotten a good haircut since getting to Miami. Um, hello? It’s only been like 3 days, right? Anyway, he and Ronnie decide to go to a ghetto barber shop. As they walk through the hood, a part of me hopes they get mugged. But no such luck. They get their haircuts and rave about how good the ghetto barbers are. Meanwhile, they both look exactly the same.

Still looks like a douche...

Now it’s the time that we’ve all been waiting for. Sammi gives us the update about her and Ronnie! She explains that things are really good right now and he’s being so nice and understanding. Yeah, you just keep thinking that, Tanny Bug Eyes. We all know you’re just gonna be crying about him in a few minutes. Well, everyone knows except for you.

Ten minutes into the episode, we get our first glimpse of Ms. Snooki. Don’t the producers know that she’s the only reason people watch this show? Seriously, cut out all the dumb scenes of the Sammi/Ronnie drama and Angelina being grumpy and just show more Snooki. Everything she does is adorable. By the way, did you all catch her new makeover? (more…)

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