Archive for the ‘NJ Personalities’ category

My Latest Obsession: Teresa Giudice

June 21, 2011

Move over Snooki, there’s a new ghetto Italian bitch in my life. Her name is Teresa Giudice (pronounced Jew-dice), from Bravo’s “The Real Housewives of New Jersey.” If you’ve never watched that show, you’re missing out. It’s a lot like “Jersey Shore,” only the episodes actually have plots rather than the regular formula of drink, fight, hook up, and repeat. I only started watching Real Housewives a couple of weeks ago, but I wish I’d been there all along. Once you start watching, I’m sure you’ll be just as intrigued as I am by the obvious star of the show, Ms. Giudice.

Just like Snooki, Teresa is quite interesting to look at. While she shares Snooki’s orange skin and big, dark hair, Teresa’s got something that little Snooki doesn’t. Crazy eyes. Seriously. Look at those things:

They’re like two hockey pucks so far apart it seems like they’re trying to escape her face. Indeed, it’s those very eyes that have me so smitten. It’s certainly not the rest of her body – her skin is so orange and wrinkly, she looks much older than she really is. And it’s not her personality. Teresa comes across as a self-centered and ignorant bitch. But there’s something about those eyes. I guess it’s the whole train wreck analogy – they’re so ugly that I can’t look away. And for some reason, she puts so much makeup around her eyes that you can’t help but be drawn to them anyway. (more…)

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My Snook-o-Lantern

November 7, 2010

As promised in my last entry, here is a special surprise.  Although we’re a week late, my Snook-o-Lantern and I would like to wish everyone a very happy Halloween!

Enjoy!

South Park Goes Jersey

October 19, 2010

"It's a Jersey thing."

As South Park satirizes everything in the worlds of politics, pop culture, and current events, it was only a matter of time before Trey Parker and Matt Stone took on all things Jersey.  They did just that on last week’s episode, and the results were incredible.

The episode featured the small town of South Park, Colorado dealing with a special kind of infestation.  While it’s been overrun in the past with hippies, metrosexuals, homeless people, wealthy black families, and immigrants from the future, its most recent infestation is people from New Jersey.  Although, it wasn’t just any people from New Jersey – the stars of Real Housewives of New Jersey, Jerseylicious, and, of course, Jersey Shore all made their appearances.  They also referenced a “Steve” from a show called Last Call, but I have no idea who or what that is.

Anyway, the town tries to deal with the influx of Jersey trash, who, whenever they do something rude or stupid, always answer with “It’s a Jersey thing!”  Just as everyone is getting sick of all the Jersey freaks, we find out that one of South Park’s own residents is from New Jersey.  It turns out Kyle’s mom, who has long had the reputation of being a bitch, is from Newark.  That explains a lot.  Though she now goes by the name Sheila Braflovski, she used to be known as “S-Woww Tittybang.”  Ha. (more…)

New Jersey Personalities: Cory Booker

January 5, 2010

Newark. Most people consider it the shittiest of shitholes. Between its traffic, gangs, pollution, and all-around ghettoness, this city represents the worst of the Armpit of America. But, there is at least one bright spot: its mayor.

Cory Booker has been mayor of Newark since 2006, and, in that short period of time, he has accomplished a lot. Within his first 100 days, he increased the city’s police presence, expanded youth programs, and made it easier for former criminals to get jobs. He also miraculously lowered property taxes in Newark. Even more impressive, since taking office, the crime rate in Newark has dropped dramatically (murders and rapes are down over 40%!), the amount of affordable housing has greatly increased, and the city has received over $100 million in private donations.

Mayor Booker’s leadership hasn’t gone unnoticed. Upon taking office, Obama tapped him to be the head of the White House Office of Urban Affairs Policy. Remarkably, Booker turned it down in order to stay focused on his beloved city. Wow. Who in their right mind would turn down a comfy, high-paying leadership job in DC to stay in the Newark? I guess Cory Booker would.

Booker got even more national attention this past September, when he and Conan O’Brien got into a little spat. After Conan made a little joke at the mayor’s expense, Booker banned Conan from Newark Liberty Airport. In my opinion, never having to set foot in that airport would be more of a reward than a punishment. Anyway, Booker and Conan have since settled their dispute, with the latter making a $500 donation every time he jokes about Newark.

Another recent event has once again put Mayor Booker in the spotlight. On New Year’s Eve, a woman contacted Booker through Twitter and asked him to help her 65 year old father shovel snow. So what does the mayor do? Within twenty minutes, he shows up at the guy’s house to shovel the driveway! Unbelievable.

Say what you want about New Jersey and our politicians, but there are some exceptions to the rule, with Cory Booker being the most obvious. What the hell has the mayor of Cincinnati done for anyone lately? And would the mayor of Miami drop whatever he was doing on New Year’s Eve to shovel snow for someone? And don’t even get me started on the mayor of Eugene, Oregon….

On behalf of the city of Newark and the state of New Jersey, I’d like to thank Mayor Cory Booker for a job well done. You, sir, have helped me in my quest to prove that the Armpit of America isn’t so bad after all.