Archive for the ‘Random’ category

Drinking the Jersey Shore

December 18, 2011

It tastes like burning...and Snooki

Due to a certain show on MTV, the Jersey Shore is more popular than ever.  To appease a public hungry for all things Jersey Shore and to capitalize on it, companies are selling anything related to the shore in one way or another.  So, this holiday season, you can buy the guido-wannabes in your life all sorts of Jersey Shore merchandise, like ornaments and perfume.  Just put the words “Jersey Shore” on something, and you’ll have a bunch of idiots willing to by it.

I am one of those idiots.

While at the liquor store the other night looking for something to bring to a Chanukah party, I saw a bumper-sticker-like Jersey Shore label stuck on a bottle of vodka.  Being the fanboy that I am, I snatched it up and brought it to the register without giving a second thought.  After taking it home, I realized that some things are worth deliberating.  Jersey Shore branded vodka is one of those things.

This Jersey Shore vodka has nothing to do with the MTV show of the same name.  It doesn’t really have much to do with the real Jersey Shore either.  Though the perimeter of the label is lined with the names of various party towns on the Jersey Shore, there is one glaring mistake.  Among all the locations known for their bars and crazy nightlife, like Seaside, Pt. Pleasant, Wildwood, and Belmar, appears Spring Lake, a town known for rich old people and little else.  Why Spring Lake would be included on a bottle of vodka is beyond me. (more…)

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No Escape from “Escape From New Jersey”

November 25, 2011

Any person growing up in New Jersey has often felt the need to get out of New Jersey.  And while some act on this desire and move to another state, many – myself included- are fated to stay in the Armpit of America forever.  This constant struggle of wanting to get out but realizing you never will is perfectly exemplified by the board game “Escape from New Jersey.”  Not sure where else you can find it, but I got mine at True Jersey Supply Company, a store in Belmar full of all things Jersey.

As you can see above, Escape from New Jersey isn’t technically a board game.  It’s more of a laminated piece of paper that comes in a cardboard tube, so you’ll need to weigh down the corners to keep it from rolling back up.  And rather than having real game pieces, you just get cheap plastic cowboys and Indians that can’t even stand up on their own.  Yeah, the whole thing is pretty flimsy.  Flimsy, but fun. (more…)

What’s Stinking in New Jersey?

May 21, 2011

What’s stinking in New Jersey this week?

This truck:

Yes, this truck says “1-800-DOG-POOP” on it.  Apparently it’s a dog waste cleaning service, which isn’t too uncommon.  But I sure got a kick out of it.

Aside from that, here are a couple other stinky things going on in the Armpit of America:

Governor Chris Christie got booed during his commencement address at Seton Hall.

Lieutenant Governor Kim Guadagno also got booed at a graduation.  (They probably should have left those two little boys in charge).

The Situation’s father is just as big of a loser as his son.  He set up a site called The Confrontation, with the goal of slandering his son.

Well, that’s about it from me.  On a side note, I’m leaving shortly for vacation!  As much as I love New Jersey, it’s good to get away every now and then – it just makes me appreciate the state even more.

You Never Know Who You’ll Run Into at the Jersey Shore

April 7, 2011

This afternoon, I had an unexpected encounter right here in Belmar.  So who did I run into?  Was it Snooki?  Bruce Springsteen?  Jon Bon Jovi?  Chris Christie?

Find out after the jump… (more…)

A Taste of Jersey in a Can

March 9, 2011

A couple of weeks ago, I was at New Jersey’s mega farm store Delicious Orchards. And if you’ve never heard of it or been there, you’ll want to read this entry I wrote last year. Anyway, in between crates of vegetables I’ve never heard of, and countless varieties of vegetables I have, there was a table covered in giant cans of tomatoes. But not just regular tomatoes; these were Jersey tomatoes!

Made by Fattoria Fresca, the can has the official Jersey Fresh logo on it. Though, sadly, the term Jersey Fresh has been co-opted by the likes of Pauly D and the Situation to describe their beauty regimens. Although I thought that such a gourmet product would only be available in a gourmet store like Delicious Orchards, I actually saw them at my local Foodtown.

Now it’s well known that New Jersey produces the best tomatoes of any state. It’s not called the Armpit of America Garden State for nothing! Everyone knows that nothing compares to the taste of a fresh Jersey tomato, but we’re still a few months away from the summer bounty.  So, we’ll have to get them in can form for now.  I was a bit skeptical about how they would taste from a can. After all, don’t all canned tomatoes taste the same? Well, I was about to find out. (more…)

Pee-wee Herman is Amazing…Infinity!

November 12, 2010

That's his name, don't wear it out!

I recently had the pleasure of seeing Mr. Paul Reubens revive his long-gone but never forgotten character of Pee-wee Herman in his new Broadway show. It was spectacular. And although Pee-wee asserted throughout the show that he’s the luckiest boy in the world, I disagree. After seeing Pee-wee Herman live, I think that I’m the luckiest boy in the world.

So what’s the reason for all of this gushing? Well Pee-wee Herman, and his TV show Pee-wee’s Playhouse, was a huge part of my childhood. I learned more from Pee-wee than I ever did from my parents, teachers, and friends. I can fondly remember taking a cue from Pee-wee and putting scotch tape around my nose and ears. I remember starting and giving up on countless foil and rubberband balls. I remember stuffing both feet into one sock and hopping around like Roger, Pee-wee’s one legged, one-eyed alien neighbor. I remember putting pennies over my eyelids and pretending I was Penny of claymation fame. The point is, Pee-wee’s Playhouse was the highlight of my childhood.

So when I heard that Pee-wee was coming to Broadway, I knew I had to go. Now I hate going to New York City. The noise, the smell, the people, the smelly people – I can’t stand any of it. But the chance to see Pee-wee was enough to lure me away from the comfort of the Armpit America, pay the ridiculously expensive New Jersey Transit train fair, jump on an overcrowded and outdated train, and ride through a dark tunnel underneath the Hudson River.

After surviving the treacherous journey to Manhattan, we walked through Times Square (ughhh) to the Steven Sondheim Theater. After getting our seats and looking through the Playbill, I was thrilled to see that Lynne Marie Stewart was reprising her role as the effervescent Miss Yvonne. I was also pleased that John Paragon was back playing Jambi. Unfortunately, Lawrence Fishburne didn’t return to play Cowboy Curtis. (more…)

Dave Coulier Walks into the Armpit of America…and Stinks!

September 21, 2010

At around 4:30 last Tuesday afternoon, a friend informed me that Dave Coulier, best and only known as Joey from Full House, would be performing stand-up at Brookdale Community College. It’s not every day that an actor from what I shamefully admit is one of my favorite shows ever is only a half hour away from me. So I dropped whatever plans I had that night, got a group of friends together, and hustled on over to Brookdale.

Though half of my high school went to Brookdale Community College (the other half, including me, went to Rutgers), I had never been on the campus. It was pretty confusing finding our way around. Though we parked in this big parking lot in the middle of the campus, there weren’t many signs showing which building was which. And once we found the building, we had to walk through its labyrinthine halls to find the room where he was performing.

While I thought the show would have been in an auditorium or gym, it was actually in this small conference room. There were only about 150 seats, many of which remained unfilled. Though the website said it would cost $5 for non-Brookdale students, it turned out to be free. It’s kinda sad. His Full House cohort Bob Saget can sell out auditoriums, but the best Dave Coulier can do is a free show at a college – a community college, no less.

Try to keep your panties on, ladies; it's Dave Coulier!

Having seen the show, that $0 admission fee was definitely worth the price. Actually, I think Dave Coulier should have paid me to be there. Though he had a couple good jokes, most of his routine was pretty lame. For example, he spent a few minutes talking about how his 80-year-old father doesn’t understand computers and then discussed how his teenage son keeps his hand on his crotch and plays video games all day. Such groundbreaking stuff this guy has! He also talked about how Porky Pig wears a vest but no pants. Um, didn’t another comedian make the same joke about Donald Duck? (more…)