Posted tagged ‘guidettes’

“Jersey Shore” Episode 3 Recap: Snooking for Love in All the Wrong Places

August 18, 2010

This episode begins where the last when left off; Angelina is being the most annoying drunk person ever. She’s crying in front of Mike and Pauly and just making an idiot of herself. All the commotion wakes up J-WOWW, who looks like she’s ready to eff a bitch up. Fortunately for Angelina, J-WOWW takes pity because she’s so drunk.

That morning, Vinnie, Ronnie, and J-WOWW head over to the gelato shop for their first day of work. J-WOWW complains that the shirt they have to wear is too tight and that her boobs are suffocating. She then struggles to simply scoop the ice cream into a cone. In what should come as a surprise to absolutely no one, though, J-WOWW has no trouble giving a customer a milkshake.

Later on, Vinnie complains how he hasn’t gotten a good haircut since getting to Miami. Um, hello? It’s only been like 3 days, right? Anyway, he and Ronnie decide to go to a ghetto barber shop. As they walk through the hood, a part of me hopes they get mugged. But no such luck. They get their haircuts and rave about how good the ghetto barbers are. Meanwhile, they both look exactly the same.

Still looks like a douche...

Now it’s the time that we’ve all been waiting for. Sammi gives us the update about her and Ronnie! She explains that things are really good right now and he’s being so nice and understanding. Yeah, you just keep thinking that, Tanny Bug Eyes. We all know you’re just gonna be crying about him in a few minutes. Well, everyone knows except for you.

Ten minutes into the episode, we get our first glimpse of Ms. Snooki. Don’t the producers know that she’s the only reason people watch this show? Seriously, cut out all the dumb scenes of the Sammi/Ronnie drama and Angelina being grumpy and just show more Snooki. Everything she does is adorable. By the way, did you all catch her new makeover? (more…)

“Jersey Shore” Episode 2 Recap: Tranny Shops, Dirty Chicken, and Gelato

August 11, 2010

This was by far the most boring episode of “Jersey Shore.” Sammi and Ronnie fought and made up several times. Mike once again demonstrated his prowess in the kitchen. Angelina was a drunken bitch. Snooki was just adorable. That’s pretty much all that happened. There wasn’t much to work with, but hopefully this review will be more entertaining than the show itself.

Episode 2 begins with the guys going back to the house after Ronnie spent the night creeping. They’re sitting around talking about the night’s events. I honestly have no idea what they’re saying. Maybe it’s because they were drunk, or maybe it’s because I’m not fluent in guido. But seriously, go watch the first few minutes and tell me if you understand anything they say. Eventually we learn that Ronnie plans on getting into bed with Sammi, even though he spent the night making out with other girls. Vinny tells us he’s speechless…as usual. Pauly announces that Ronnie has a new nickname, but every time anyone says it, it gets bleeped out.

"HULK SMASH....RONNIE SMUSH"

Anyway, how does Mike feel about all this? “The whole situation, it’s a bad situation.” Wow, he really can’t go one sentence without mentioning that word. Meanwhile, Ronnie tells us that he had a “Shnookie” night, meaning he got so drunk he forgot what he did. It amazes me how these idiots still can’t say her name right. Maybe she should wear that stupid hat with her name on it more often. (more…)

“Jersey Shore” Episode 1 Recap: Two Girls One Creep

August 4, 2010

“Jersey Shore” made its trashtastic return to our televisions last week, and it was just as entertaining as expected. So, if you didn’t see the Season 2 premiere, saw it and want to read about it, or just ended up here because you googled “jwoww tits,” you’ve come to the right place. On a side note, I seriously debated whether I should even recap this season. Despite its title, this show now has our favorite group of New Yorkers living it up in Miami and not in New Jersey. However, I just have too much fun analyzing these idiots.

I bet they left behind an oil slick rivaling that in the Gulf...

So here we go. The episode starts with some loser who calls himself “The Situation” giving us a recap of the previous season. He explains that there were a lot of fights, hookups, and drama. As we all know, Mike the Sitch wasn’t involved in any fights or hookups, but girlfriend sure caused a lot of drama. We then hear from Vinny, who contributes nothing constructive (in typical Vinny fashion).

But after his little spiel, our girl Snooki comes on. She explains how they had so much fun together last time, they had to do it again. Of course, she left out the part about MTV exploiting their shenanigans and giving them tons of money in return, but let’s let Snooki think that it’s all in her hands. Anyway, Snooki then exclaims “We’re coming to Miami!” My thoughts? Too bad 75% of the Golden Girls are dead; a crossover special would have been incredible. (more…)

She’s Baaaaaaaccckkk!!!

July 29, 2010

All hail the Pumpkin Queen!

Snooki (and the rest of those jokers) graced us with her presence on the Season 2 premiere of “Jersey Shore.”  Even though this season will have these New Yorkers painting the town tan in Miami, you can still expect weekly episode reviews right here on Armpitnj.com.  And the first episode was pretty darn entertaining.  Check back soon for a full review!

How does the Jersey Shore feel about "Jersey Shore"?

February 19, 2010

The “Jersey Shore has certainly caused a lot of controversy.  Love it or hate, there are few people in this country who aren’t aware of it.  Hell, even my out-of-touch mother knows all about Snooki and The Situation.

While I admittedly enjoyed the show, it does bring light to the problem of trashy out of staters coming to the Jersey Shore and making the lives of us locals completely miserable.  One of the readers of this blog (by the way, you can sign up at the right to get an e-mail whenever i write a new post!) left a very poignant and well written comment about those trashy guidos and guidettes.  Rather than leaving it buried in the Armpit of America archives, I wanted to post it up front and center so everyone can see it.

Whoever you are, thanks for speaking what all of us true Jerseyans are thinking!

To Armpitofamerica,

I want to set the record straight about the Jersey Shore. Since these MTV people invaded our shores, it has put such a bad light on New Jersey. I am so very sad, as I was born and raised at the Jersey Shore. I can honestly tell you that parts, (that the guidos and tourists know nothing about) are absolutely beautiful and pristeen. There are bays, rivers, streams, camping, canoeing, tubing, and clean beaches which we and our children have beautiful memories from. I will not reveal where these places are as so those “types” won’t trash it like Seaside, or what us locals refer to it as “Sleazside”.

We let our teens work on the boardwalk and saw so much human garbage there, we pulled them out, never letting them work there again. The things we’ve seen, made the quidos and quidettes look like choir singers. Trust me, 90% of the people that spend the summers there are not Jersey Shore residents. First there is no room to breathe, and 2nd, we cannot afford the crappy $5.00 hot dogs  $10.00 drinks and $15.00 a day parking. Who needs it! They come from North Jersey and out of state looking for a good time and not care what or who they hurt to get it. Yeah, lets pee on this guys lawn, ah throw the beer can anywhere we don’t care! Not to mention the rise in crime. We relish mid September to reclaim our beaches again until another dreaded summer comes. Thanks tourists.

I admit,I would never live in the large cities of New Jersey as I said before most of them are transplants and bring their garbage with them making the Garden State the reputation it has. But if you go to some of the small towns with good hard working people who love to fish and crab and boat, canoe, and tend their famous Jersey tomatoes and corn on their day off, and with our hometown parades with flags flying, you would see just how beautiful small town America can be. No it’s not corny, it’s true. And I’m proud of that.