Posted tagged ‘Jersey Shore’

The Puzzling Jersey Shore Puzzle

May 12, 2012

Let’s face it – puzzles are boring.  And if there’s one thing worse than doing a puzzle, it’s reading about someone else doing a puzzle.  Except when the puzzle in question is a 300-piece portrait of the cast of Jersey Shore!

Things started out easy enough – I did the border first, just as they teach you in puzzle class.  But when it came to putting the cast together, I ran into some serious problems.  Why, you ask?  Well, it’s pretty difficult trying to figure out which piece belongs to which person when they all have shiny orange skin, manicured nails, and way too much jewelry:

So, I had to continue working from the outside in; it was easier to follow the grain in the wall and the pattern of the carpet than to determine whose orange leg or greasy hair belonged to whom. The clothes helped a bit in putting these idiots together – purple dress for Sammi, leopard print for Deena, overly stretched out black pleather for Snooki.

Eventually everything came together and I was almost done with my masterpiece. I just had a few more pieces to fit in before I could call this puzzle finished.

After figuring out where to put Snooki’s wonky eye:

Pauly D’s scalp:

J-WOWW’s tits:

and Deena’s sexy cankle:

I have a finished puzzle!

A Sad Day in New Jersey

February 14, 2012

Today, the body of Whitney Houston was flown back to her home city of Newark, New Jersey.  And to coincide with her funeral on Saturday, Governor Chris Christie has ordered all flags to be flown at half-mast in honor of her passing.  How sad is that?  I mean, really.  She was a singer at best and a drug addict at worst.  Does this deserve the rare honor usually reserved for military people and our state’s former governors?  You know, people who actually did stuff to serve and protect the state and country?

I don’t mean to sound insensitive, but I just think the whole thing is a bit excessive.  Though she grew up in the Armpit of America, she hasn’t lived here since she became famous.  So why is Christie calling her such an icon and giving her this rare distinction?  Especially for someone who spent the last decade of her life addicted to Bobby Brown and crack. Sure, she was a talented singer, but does that automatically pardon her poor life choices?

What worries me is the precedent this action sets up – if we have to fly the flags at half-mast for every dead crackhead from Newark, the American flag may never fly at full mast in New Jersey ever again.

In other sad news from North Jersey, the city of Hoboken decided not to allow MTV to film Snooki and J-WOWW in a spinoff of “Jersey Shore.”  Instead, the show will be filmed in Jersey City.  I could care less.  Yes, that’s right.  I’m over “Jersey Shore.”  Five seasons in, the show has completely lost the luster of its first season.  Gone is the fun and goofy group we came to know.  Instead, we have a bunch of millionaires trying to outdo each other to get more screen time and more endorsements.

Top 5 Blog Posts of 2011

December 30, 2011

Tired of all those stupid, pointless lists every single website has been needlessly churning out all this week?  Me neither.  Here are my favorite things I’ve written this past year, in no particular order.

1) The Most Surprising Thing I’ve Ever Seen in New Jersey – Come along as I uncover a little known event in New Jersey – a farm animal auction.  You’ll see a cardboard box full of roosters, miniature horses, and an Amish auctioneer.

2) My Latest Obsession: Teresa Guidice – This past year, I got hooked on Real Housewives of New Jersey.  And what was it that drew me in?  The crazy-eyed train wreck that is Teresa Guidice.

3) ArmpitNJ.com Exclusive: Snooki’s First Draft! – Snooki became a best-selling author this year, but all the credit should go to her ghost writer.  I managed to get my hands on Snooki’s original draft for A Shore Thing.

4) Killer Klowns from Outer Space: A Review – Sure, the movie doesn’t really have anything to do with New Jersey.  But it was so krazy I couldn’t resist writing about it.

5) No Escape from “Escape from New Jersey” – What better way to spend a night than playing a drinking board game?  This simple game just proves that there really is no escape from the Armpit of America.

Drinking the Jersey Shore

December 18, 2011

It tastes like burning...and Snooki

Due to a certain show on MTV, the Jersey Shore is more popular than ever.  To appease a public hungry for all things Jersey Shore and to capitalize on it, companies are selling anything related to the shore in one way or another.  So, this holiday season, you can buy the guido-wannabes in your life all sorts of Jersey Shore merchandise, like ornaments and perfume.  Just put the words “Jersey Shore” on something, and you’ll have a bunch of idiots willing to by it.

I am one of those idiots.

While at the liquor store the other night looking for something to bring to a Chanukah party, I saw a bumper-sticker-like Jersey Shore label stuck on a bottle of vodka.  Being the fanboy that I am, I snatched it up and brought it to the register without giving a second thought.  After taking it home, I realized that some things are worth deliberating.  Jersey Shore branded vodka is one of those things.

This Jersey Shore vodka has nothing to do with the MTV show of the same name.  It doesn’t really have much to do with the real Jersey Shore either.  Though the perimeter of the label is lined with the names of various party towns on the Jersey Shore, there is one glaring mistake.  Among all the locations known for their bars and crazy nightlife, like Seaside, Pt. Pleasant, Wildwood, and Belmar, appears Spring Lake, a town known for rich old people and little else.  Why Spring Lake would be included on a bottle of vodka is beyond me. (more…)

Eating Pizza ‘n Stuff

December 10, 2011

Pete & Elda’s in Neptune is a landmark bar and pizza joint at the Jersey Shore.  The place is most famous for its pizza challenge, where if you eat a whole extra large pizza, you win a t-shirt.  You can’t go anywhere along the shore in the summer without seeing at least a handful of people proudly wearing their Pete & Elda’s shirts.

Last week, the day finally came for me to earn my own Pete & Elda’s shirt.  Though my friends who have completed the challenge told me it really isn’t that hard, I still expected it to be difficult.  Eating a whole pizza definitely isn’t something I do every day.  When the pizza came, I realized I had nothing to be worried about.  The crust was paper thin, crispy, and slightly charred.  Just like matzo!  I knew I had this in the bag.  Check out the video below to see how I fared.

The challenge was a lot easier than I ever expected.  Despite the name “Double Extra Large” the pizza wasn’t big at all.  Now for a real pizza eating challenge at the Jersey Shore, I suggest eating a whole large pie at Three Brothers in Belmar.

Like the slideshow above?  I have more!

Celebrate an either late or really early Halloween by watching as I create a scale replica of Snooki out of pumpkins.

The New Jersey Turnpike isn’t a total waste – it has an IKEA!