“Jersey Shore” Episode 1 Recap: Two Girls One Creep

Posted August 4, 2010 by armpitnj
Categories: MTV's "Jersey Shore", Reviews
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

“Jersey Shore” made its trashtastic return to our televisions last week, and it was just as entertaining as expected. So, if you didn’t see the Season 2 premiere, saw it and want to read about it, or just ended up here because you googled “jwoww tits,” you’ve come to the right place. On a side note, I seriously debated whether I should even recap this season. Despite its title, this show now has our favorite group of New Yorkers living it up in Miami and not in New Jersey. However, I just have too much fun analyzing these idiots.

I bet they left behind an oil slick rivaling that in the Gulf...

So here we go. The episode starts with some loser who calls himself “The Situation” giving us a recap of the previous season. He explains that there were a lot of fights, hookups, and drama. As we all know, Mike the Sitch wasn’t involved in any fights or hookups, but girlfriend sure caused a lot of drama. We then hear from Vinny, who contributes nothing constructive (in typical Vinny fashion).

But after his little spiel, our girl Snooki comes on. She explains how they had so much fun together last time, they had to do it again. Of course, she left out the part about MTV exploiting their shenanigans and giving them tons of money in return, but let’s let Snooki think that it’s all in her hands. Anyway, Snooki then exclaims “We’re coming to Miami!” My thoughts? Too bad 75% of the Golden Girls are dead; a crossover special would have been incredible. Read the rest of this post »

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She’s Baaaaaaaccckkk!!!

Posted July 29, 2010 by armpitnj
Categories: MTV's "Jersey Shore"
Tags: , , , ,

All hail the Pumpkin Queen!

Snooki (and the rest of those jokers) graced us with her presence on the Season 2 premiere of “Jersey Shore.”  Even though this season will have these New Yorkers painting the town tan in Miami, you can still expect weekly episode reviews right here on Armpitnj.com.  And the first episode was pretty darn entertaining.  Check back soon for a full review!

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A Beautiful Day in My Neighborhood

Posted July 21, 2010 by armpitnj
Categories: New Brunswick, Random
Tags: ,

Yesterday I was driving around New Brunswick (AKA “The Brunz” to some, “No Funswick” to others) and took the following picture:

Notice anything funny about it? No, it’s not the drug deal going on in the alleyway or the prostitute on the corner. Those are daily fixtures of life in this fine city. It’s not the asshole taking pictures from his phone while driving through a busy intersection either.

Still don’t see it? Let’s zoom in:

It’s hard to make out, so you’ll have to take my word on this. It is a Budget moving truck full of watermelons. These people were actually selling fruit out of a rental truck!

Seeing shady people sell stuff out of a truck is not an uncommon thing in New Brunswick. There are countless ice cream trucks that annoyingly drive around playing their stupid songs all night. Then there are the ice cream trucks, offering more than just frozen desserts. There are even guys trying to sell stereo systems out of unmarked vans. But selling watermelon out of a rental truck? That’s a new one for me.  Then again, it’s just another day in the Armpit of America.

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3rd of July, Waterfront Park

Posted July 12, 2010 by armpitnj
Categories: Armpit Adventures
Tags: , , ,

Surprisingly, the Delaware River didn't catch on fire.

Any regular reader of this blog knows that most of my entries revolve around either the Jersey Shore or New Brunswick, the two parts of the Armpit of America where I spend most of my time.  Well, having a girlfriend who lives in the Princeton area, and having worked there a couple years, I have spent plenty of time on New Jersey’s west coast as well.  And, rather than spending the 4th of July weekend at the Jersey shore with millions of other people, we spent the holiday on the shore of the Delaware River.  (I’m sure you’re all jealous.)

Anyway, on the night of July 3rd, we planned to go to the bar Katmandu in Trenton, which is essentially a poor man’s version of Bar A (and will get a more detailed write-up in a future posting).  We had hoped to get a good view of the fireworks show at nearby Waterfront Park, the minor league baseball stadium where the Trenton Thunder play.

We arrived at the bar, which was completely deserted (almost everyone in the whole state must have been at the shore).  Upon going to the outdoor deck, we realized that we wouldn’t be able to see the fireworks from there.  So, we decided to leave the bar and just walk towards the stadium.

We eventually came to this archway, which led to some steps going down to the river.  Although you’d generally want to avoid poorly lit areas like this, especially when in a shady city like Trenton, one member of our group was brave enough to go down the steps and onto the dock.  The rest of us soon followed onto this huge floating dock in the Delaware.  We then realized the dock gave us a perfect view of the stadium.

Well this looks perfectly safe...

So we watched the fireworks show, which was pretty short.  But who cares?  Getting to that spot was an adventure in itself.  As for the moral of the story?  Though your gut may tell you differently, if you ever encounter a dark passageway in a shit-hole city like Trenton, take it; you never know where it might lead…

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Top 5 Overplayed Jersey Shore Cover Band Songs

Posted July 7, 2010 by armpitnj
Categories: Bars, Jersey Shore, Music, Top 5
Tags: , , , ,

Jon Bon Jovi or Jersey girl? I'm still not sure.

If you hang out at bars at the Jersey Shore, you’re bound to come across at least one of many bands making their living off of other people’s songs. While they may have their own musical aspirations, no record company is knocking at the door with a big advance. So, they settle for cover gigs at the shore, where they play inferior versions of popular songs to indifferent audiences.

Don’t get me wrong; I do enjoy the Jersey Shore cover bands, which are primarily made up of a bunch of 20-or-30-something year-old guys, usually along with one heavy-set, middle-aged man on bass. They make for a fun evening, no matter which shore bar, from Atlantic Highlands all the way down to Cape May, you might find yourself in. Who wouldn’t want to hear a band play a bunch of classics that everyone knows, rather than a crappy band that plays their own stuff?

Despite my fondness for Jersey Shore cover bands, I do have one point of contention with them. THEY ALL PLAY THE SAME SONGS! No matter which band you see, you’re more than likely to hear all of the five songs below. While not necessarily bad songs, you easily get sick of hearing them all summer long.

So, if any member, manager, or groupie (ha, yeah right!) of a Jersey Shore cover band is reading this, please get your band to stop playing these songs:

1. “Pour Some Sugar on Me” by Def Leppard

Maybe it’s just me, but this song, more than the rest on the list, just seems so dated. Whenever I hear it, I can’t help but think of some trashy 80s Jersey mall girls bopping their hairspray-hardened coifs around to this song. See? “Pour Some Sugar on Me” even makes this crusader against the negative Jersey stereotype actually buy into it.

2. “Livin’ on a Prayer” by Bon Jovi

“Living on a Prayer” has now made its second appearance on one of my Top 5 lists. Though not a bad song by any means, it is definitely overplayed. Overplayed on the radio, and overplayed by Jersey Shore cover bands. Sure, it’s pretty much the Armpit of America’s unofficial anthem. But, for these bands to play it every single night is just plain overkill. Read the rest of this post »

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