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New Jersey Personalities: Cory Booker

January 5, 2010

Newark. Most people consider it the shittiest of shitholes. Between its traffic, gangs, pollution, and all-around ghettoness, this city represents the worst of the Armpit of America. But, there is at least one bright spot: its mayor.

Cory Booker has been mayor of Newark since 2006, and, in that short period of time, he has accomplished a lot. Within his first 100 days, he increased the city’s police presence, expanded youth programs, and made it easier for former criminals to get jobs. He also miraculously lowered property taxes in Newark. Even more impressive, since taking office, the crime rate in Newark has dropped dramatically (murders and rapes are down over 40%!), the amount of affordable housing has greatly increased, and the city has received over $100 million in private donations.

Mayor Booker’s leadership hasn’t gone unnoticed. Upon taking office, Obama tapped him to be the head of the White House Office of Urban Affairs Policy. Remarkably, Booker turned it down in order to stay focused on his beloved city. Wow. Who in their right mind would turn down a comfy, high-paying leadership job in DC to stay in the Newark? I guess Cory Booker would.

Booker got even more national attention this past September, when he and Conan O’Brien got into a little spat. After Conan made a little joke at the mayor’s expense, Booker banned Conan from Newark Liberty Airport. In my opinion, never having to set foot in that airport would be more of a reward than a punishment. Anyway, Booker and Conan have since settled their dispute, with the latter making a $500 donation every time he jokes about Newark.

Another recent event has once again put Mayor Booker in the spotlight. On New Year’s Eve, a woman contacted Booker through Twitter and asked him to help her 65 year old father shovel snow. So what does the mayor do? Within twenty minutes, he shows up at the guy’s house to shovel the driveway! Unbelievable.

Say what you want about New Jersey and our politicians, but there are some exceptions to the rule, with Cory Booker being the most obvious. What the hell has the mayor of Cincinnati done for anyone lately? And would the mayor of Miami drop whatever he was doing on New Year’s Eve to shovel snow for someone? And don’t even get me started on the mayor of Eugene, Oregon….

On behalf of the city of Newark and the state of New Jersey, I’d like to thank Mayor Cory Booker for a job well done. You, sir, have helped me in my quest to prove that the Armpit of America isn’t so bad after all.

Categories: NJ Personalities
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Why Gay Marriage Should Be Allowed in NJ

December 8, 2009

The state legislature of New Jersey will vote this week on whether or not to make gay marriage legal in the Armpit of America. Last night, the New Jersey Senate’s Judiciary Committee voted 7-6 in favor of legalizing gay marriage. The measure will go before the entire senate this coming Thursday. Should it pass that round, the vote would then go to the State Assembly. If it passes there, it would end up on lame duck Governor Corzine’s desk, and he has vowed to sign this bill.

I, for one, hope it passes. Though I am by no means a gay rights activist, and my life will continue just as before if the bill doesn’t get passed, I simply don’t see any reason why two men or two women shouldn’t be given the same rights that us straight people have. If a completely wasted couple that just met in Las Vegas can walk into a chapel and get legally married, why can’t two women or two men that have decided to devote their lives to each other have that same privilege?

I have another reason for hoping New Jersey allows gay marriage. If it does, it would certainly make the Armpit of America a better place. Think about it. Should New Jersey grant homosexuals the right to marry, our state would likely see an influx of gays and lesbians. And when the gays and lesbians come to town, good things happen. Don’t believe me? Just look at Asbury Park. What was once a trashy, run-down ghetto, our gay brothers and sisters have transformed into a center of high culture. What were once decrepit old restaurants are now exotic fusion cuisine eateries. What was once a sleazy pawn shop is now a high-end clothing boutique. And let’s not forget about those decaying Victorian houses throughout the town that the lesbians and gays (with their unrivaled carpentry and decorating skills) have restored to their former glory.

Now if our homosexual friends can transform Asbury Park like that, imagine what they could do for the rest of the state. And if they can make New Jersey just a little more fabulous, we might finally break free of our bad reputation. Well, probably not, but it’s worth a try.

If gay marriage is allowed, New Jersey will be the sixth state in the country to make it legal. We would be in good company with several other liberal, northeastern states – Massachusetts, Connecticut, Vermont, and New Hampshire. The other state allowing gay marriage? Iowa. Yes, that middle of America state known for its farm folk and not much else allows gay marriage. New Jersey, are we really gonna let a state like Iowa outdo us on this? If we don’t act know, who knows, maybe other backwater states like Kansas or West Virginia will beat us to it as well. Aside from that, New York recently shot down its gay marriage bill. So now is our chance to outshine our bigger, more popular neighbor.

The vote to legalize gay marriage in New Jersey is pretty urgent. In about a month, Jon Corzine will leave office and Chris Christie will take over as governor. Corzine pledged to sign the bill should it reach his desk. Christie vowed to veto any such bill once he’s in office. So, hopefully our legislature will make the right decision. It will be the first step in improving the Armpit of America, and it would let the disgraced Corzine leave us with something more to remember him by than that embarrassing car crash.

Categories: politics
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The Governor’s Race: A Post-Mortem

November 4, 2009

Last night, 49% of New Jersey voters decided to make Chris Christie governor of the Garden State. I can’t say I’m that surprised, and I’m honestly not that disappointed. Chris Daggett was too much of a long shot to have serious chance of winning. So Chris Christie would have been my second choice. Besides, anyone would be better than Jon Corzine.

Should Daggett have been elected, it certainly would have shaken things up. However, once the news of a third-party candidate winning the governorship of New Jersey would die down, Daggett would have been left with plenty of responsibilities on his plate. Who knows what he’d be like as governor. At least with Chris Christie, we can expect the same nonsense that we’ve come to expect from our politicians in New Jersey.

large_chris-christie

Governor-Elect Chris Christie proving he can count to three. Photo taken by David Gard for the Star Ledger.

I recently read an article (which I regretfully can’t find/give the author credit) comparing the state of New Jersey politics with fans of the Boston Red Sox. Red Sox fans were so used to their team losing that their hope for the team that never made the grade became the essence of their identity. But, when the Red Sox finally won the World Series in 2004 after a long drought, the fans didn’t have to hope anymore. They no longer had to be disappointed in their team. Once this happened, those Boston fans lost their identity – they could no longer be the sympathy-inducing underdog-loving fans they once were. Rather than hoping for the best but always knowing disappointment was right around the corner, they now expect their team to be on top all the time.

The same would be the case for New Jersey, should we actually have a good, honest politician in charge. The state is known the world over for its corrupt leaders. New Jersey is the butt of many jokes, and we even make fun of ourselves for the corruption running wild throughout our state. Yet, we continue to elect these jokers into office every chance we get. If New Jersey had scandal-free politicians, then we would certainly lose a part of our identity.

With the election of Chris Christie, New Jersey is guaranteed to keep its status as the Armpit of America for at least another four years. While it might not be good for the state, at least I’ll have plenty of things to blog about.

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My Endorsement for Governor

October 27, 2009

As promised a couple entries ago, I will now be making my much anticipated endorsement for the 2009 New Jersey Gubernatorial race.

I have carefully considered each of the three major candidates, Democrat and current governor Jon Corzine, Republican Chris Christie, and Independent Chris Daggett, but only one of them will be getting my vote next Tuesday.

And that person is Chris Daggett.

Though he might not be the best candidate, he seems a lot better than the other two choices. Daggett ran an honorable campaign, rising above the mudslinging politics of his rivals. He outperformed Christie and Corzine at each of the debates, giving off a straight-talking calmness when compared with those two clowns.

Daggett also lacks the political corruptness that is so often associated with New Jersey government and represented by the other two choices. While there’s no way to prove that Daggett won’t be corrupt as governor, at least this has yet to be proven. Christie and Corzine, on the other hand, have already removed all doubt about their morals and ethics.

On November 3, 2009, I will be voting for the one candidate who might actually make the Armpit of America slightly better.

Chris Daggett will be getting my vote for Governor of New Jersey. I hope he gets yours too.

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The Race To Be Governor of NJ

October 20, 2009

Two weeks from today, residents of New Jersey will head to the polls to vote for governor. Will we end up reelecting our current governor, Democrat Jon Corzine, or will we choose Republican Chris Christie or Independent Chris Daggett?

Though none of these choices are ideal, one of these three stooges will be the eventual winner. I haven’t exactly decided who I will be voting for, but I do have a good inkling. I’ll probably share my decision at some point before election day.

For those of you lucky enough to live outside the Armpit of America, or those of you who do but don’t know anything about the upcoming gubernatorial election, here is a profile of each candidate:

Photo courtesy The Star Ledger

Photo courtesy The Star Ledger

Chris Christie – Earlier in the race, this redundantly named candidate was considered a shoe-in. The incumbent governor had dismal approval ratings, so any other option could have easily won. However, his reluctance to provide any details about what he would do for our miserable state, combined with the unexpectedly strong Daggett campaign, has hurt his chances of winning. Though the former federal prosecutor brags about fighting corruption and putting wrong-doing politicians in jail, Christie seems to have been involved in his fair share of shady politics.

Pros:

Chris Christie is not Jon Corzine.

Chris Christie likes is obsessed with Bruce Springsteen.

Cons:

Chris Christie hasn’t mentioned exactly what he’s going to do for New Jersey.

Chris Christie is a scum bag.

Photo courtesy The Star Ledger

Photo courtesy The Star Ledger

Jon Corzine – In many ways, the current governor represents what is wrong with New Jersey politics. He seems to go by the do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do style of leadership, as evident by this whole thing. I also don’t like his negative campaign strategy of making fun of Christie’s weight. How would he like it if people made fun of him for being bald? Also, Corzine himself can be considered fat…a Wall Street fat cat to be exact. His expertise in finance was supposed to let him better handle our state’s tax and financial issues, of which there are many. But has he done anything in the last four years? No. So it’s hard to imagine he would get anything done in the next four years.

Pros:

Jon Corzine is not Chris Christie.

Jon Corzine keeps his scalp really shiny.

Cons:

Jon Corzine is a sleaze ball.

Uh, look at the last four years.

Photo courtesy The Star Ledger

Photo courtesy The Star Ledger

Chris Daggett – Though usually third-party candidates don’t get much attention, this one sure has. Christie’s lack of specifics, Corzine’s general sketchiness, and the mud-slinging politics of both major parties have allowed Daggett to sneak in and gain some traction. While he does have a couple interesting ideas, some are a little far-fetched. For instance, he plans to cut New Jersey’s high property taxes by raising the taxes on EVERYTHING else. Also, he’s been mainly out of politics for the last twenty years, after briefly working for the Department of Environmental Protection under the first Bush. Daggett truly is a dark horse in this race – we have no idea what he will be like with free reign over the state. At the same time, being independent may prevent the state legislature from working cooperatively. Though his election would certainly change things up, we don’t know if this change would be good or bad. With Corzine or Christie, we could expect no change at all, but at least we would know what’s coming.

Pros:

Chris Daggett is not Jon Corzine or Chris Christie.

Chriss Daggett has a cool last name.

Cons:

Chris Daggett is not Jon Corzine or Chris Christie.

Who the hell is Chris Daggett?

Well, these are our three wonderful options for governor. Something tells me that no matter who wins, the Armpit of America will remain the same – stinky.

So, who are you voting for?

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