Posted tagged ‘politics’

Chris Christie Is A Scumbag

March 27, 2010

Apparently one of the hippos from Camden’s Adventure Aquarium broke loose and is now running amok in the Armpit of America.  Oh wait, that’s just our governor, Chris Christie.  Though he has only been in office for about two months, he has already fucked things up.

Chris Christie in a suit that would make David Byrne envious.

Chris Christie in a suit that would make David Byrne envious. (Photo by The Star Ledger)

Christie’s master plan to improve the budget involves cutting funding to all of New Jersey’s school districts.  Some districts are facing cuts of up to 64% of their budgets.  Who knows how many teachers, assistants, and secretaries will lose their jobs because of these cuts.  Faculty members of schools across the state (including this author’s mother) have already received layoff notices.  But it is the kids who will undoubtedly see a decrease in the quality of their education who are the real victims here. (more…)

In Case You Didn’t Know, NJ is Corrupt

March 14, 2010

In light of all the drama going on with the political landscape in New York, Newsweek recently put together a list of the most corrupt states in the country.  This should be no surprise to anyone, but New Jersey made this elite list of seven states.  Newsweek’s Andrew Romano, who hails from the Armpit of America, wrote a very nice summary of our state’s tendency to put only the most disgraceful politicians in office.

Romano discusses New Jersey’s first colonial governor, Lord Cornbury.  Aside from the funny name, Lord Cornbury was a nepotistic, bribe-taking cross-dresser.  Romano also mentions that gay sex scandal involving former governor Jim McGreevey.  The author then touches on the FBI bust that caught a group of rabbis and state officials trafficking human organs and fake Gucci purses.  Yes, you read that correctly.

I suggest reading the whole article to get an even broader sense of the level of corruption that has always plagued the Armpit of America.  Though the other states in the article (New York, Louisiana, Illinois, Rhode Island, South Carolina, and Ohio) may be corrupt, none can top my beloved New Jersey.

State vs. State: Pennsylvania

February 9, 2010

After proving beyond any doubt how New Jersey is so much better than Delaware, I have my sights set on the Armpit of America’s western neighbor. While comparing Delaware to New Jersey was obviously pretty easy, proving that my state is better than Pennsylvania may be a little trickier. But let’s give it a try.

When one hears the word “Pennsylvania,” there are a few images that come to mind: the green patchwork of farmland, the quaint little towns, and the beautiful mountains and valleys. Well, newsflash: New Jersey has all these things too. Big deal, right? Well New Jersey is like one quarter the size of Pennsylvania, so all of our farmland, quaint towns, and mountains are all within an hour or so drive of each other. Compare that with the over 5 hours it takes to drive from one end of Pennsylvania to the other.

Which brings me to the next point. Just look at the two states on a map. New Jersey is shaped like a voluptuous woman, drawing you in like a siren. On top of that, the girlish figure of our state is all natural, for the most part. Aside from the northeastern border with New York, New Jersey’s boundaries are all formed by water. And how is Pennsylvania shaped? Like a boring rectangle with a misplaced wedge on top. What other state has a stupid wedge on top?? Only Pennsylvania.

They obviously didn't have enough room for Pennsylvania's official slogan: "Virtue, Liberty, Independence, and Stupid Wedges"

The story behind that odd wedge is yet another reason to make fun of the state. Originally, that sliver of land belonged to New York. Since it stretched all the way to Ohio, poor Pennsylvania didn’t have access to Lake Erie. So the crybaby people of that state did what they still do best: whine until they get their way. So they finally got their connection to the Great Lakes, but at the cost of having a misshapen wedge at the top of the state. (more…)

Weed in the Garden State

January 12, 2010

Put that in your pipe and smoke it - legally!

After disappointingly rejecting same sex marriage last week, yesterday, the New Jersey state legislature actually realized we’re not living in the 1950s anymore. They took some progressive action and voted in favor of legalizing marijuana in the Armpit of America.

Now before you all go and smoke up, there are quite a few restrictions. The bill that got approved, and which outgoing Jon Corzine promised to sign, only allows the stuff to be used for serious medical conditions. According to this article, the only people who will be allowed to purchase marijuana are those with diseases causing them “chronic pain, nausea, seizures, muscle spasms or wasting syndrome.” That’s funny, I though you only get chronic pain and wasting syndrome AFTER smoking pot.

New Jersey is hardly a leader in this realm, since it is the 14th state to legalize marijuana. But, at least it is a step in the right direction. Though I am not a pothead by any means, the positive effects of marijuana on sick people is pretty much proven. So why should they have to sneak around to get something that can make them feel better? And why should they be charged as criminals for using something that can make the pain go away?

Anyway, the bill that got approved is the strictest of all 14 states that allow medicinal marijuana. While other states allow people with “high stress or anxiety” to qualify, none of those bullshit diseases will be enough to let you legally buy some weed. I guess that’s for the best, though. If everyone suffering from stress or anxiety in this shithole of a state could get marijuana, I don’t think all the Wawas and QuickCheks in New Jersey could keep up with the demand for Cheetos and Zebra Cakes.

All joking aside, the legislature of New Jersey finally did something right. A lot of people suffering from debilitating diseases can now get the relief they deserve, without being labeled as criminals for doing so.

No Gay Marriage in the Armpit of America

January 7, 2010

Today, the New Jersey State Legislature finally had their vote on whether same-sex marriage should be allowed in the Armpit of America.  And the result was a disappointing “no.”  This result was pretty much expected, but it’s still upsetting that the state squandered this chance to do something revolutionary and long overdue.

Like I said the first time I wrote about this subject, my life will go on as normal.  But, for our Garden State gays and lovely lesbians, things are pretty bad.  Our government just denied them a right to marry who they love.  My sincerest condolences to those whose dreams were crushed today.

One picture that has been plastered all over the media features a man with a sign saying, “‘NO GAY MARRIAGE’ – GOD!”  Yes, I’m sure God’s priority is to keep two men or two women from getting the rights that any straight couple can get.  That and making sure Snooki from “Jersey Shore” is okay.

So does that mean that God is okay with a man and a woman getting drunk in Vegas and getting married?  Why should that be allowed?  Half of all marriages end in divorce anyway, so why can’t everyone have the opportunity to take that 50% chance of spending the rest of their life married to someone they love?  I think God would be pretty upset that a group of 20 state senators denied thousands of people a basic human right.

Today, 20 state senators voted against equality.  Today, New Jersey got a little less fabulous.