The Governor’s Race: A Post-Mortem

Posted November 4, 2009 by armpitnj
Categories: Random

Tags: , , , , ,

Last night, 49% of New Jersey voters decided to make Chris Christie governor of the Garden State. I can’t say I’m that surprised, and I’m honestly not that disappointed. Chris Daggett was too much of a long shot to have serious chance of winning. So Chris Christie would have been my second choice. Besides, anyone would be better than Jon Corzine.

Should Daggett have been elected, it certainly would have shaken things up. However, once the news of a third-party candidate winning the governorship of New Jersey would die down, Daggett would have been left with plenty of responsibilities on his plate. Who knows what he’d be like as governor. At least with Chris Christie, we can expect the same nonsense that we’ve come to expect from our politicians in New Jersey.

large_chris-christie

Governor-Elect Chris Christie proving he can count to three. Photo taken by David Gard for the Star Ledger.

I recently read an article (which I regretfully can’t find/give the author credit) comparing the state of New Jersey politics with fans of the Boston Red Sox. Red Sox fans were so used to their team losing that their hope for the team that never made the grade became the essence of their identity. But, when the Red Sox finally won the World Series in 2004 after a long drought, the fans didn’t have to hope anymore. They no longer had to be disappointed in their team. Once this happened, those Boston fans lost their identity – they could no longer be the sympathy-inducing underdog-loving fans they once were. Rather than hoping for the best but always knowing disappointment was right around the corner, they now expect their team to be on top all the time.

The same would be the case for New Jersey, should we actually have a good, honest politician in charge. The state is known the world over for its corrupt leaders. New Jersey is the butt of many jokes, and we even make fun of ourselves for the corruption running wild throughout our state. Yet, we continue to elect these jokers into office every chance we get. If New Jersey had scandal-free politicians, then we would certainly lose a part of our identity.

With the election of Chris Christie, New Jersey is guaranteed to keep its status as the Armpit of America for at least another four years. While it might not be good for the state, at least I’ll have plenty of things to blog about.

Halloween in Atlantic City SUCKS!!

Posted November 2, 2009 by armpitnj
Categories: Atlantic City, Bars

Tags: , , , , , ,

This past Saturday was Halloween, and it turned out to be one hell of a night. I mean that in the bad sense. I’ve had some crappy Halloweens before, but this was the worst of the worst.

I got suckered into going to a club in Atlantic City (The Pool at Harrah’s, to be exact). Well, I shouldn’t really say suckered, because I always jump at the chance to go to the Armpit of America’s crappy version of Las Vegas. So I did go voluntarily, but, since the night was a complete disaster, I’ll say I got suckered in. Anyway.

After agreeing to go, I was told that the cast of Twilight was going to be there. Even though I never pass up an opportunity to go to Atlantic City, I did have some reservations once I heard that news: I figured the place would be swarming with 14-year-old girls. I then realized that 14-year-old girls can’t get into clubs. On top of that, the people from Twilight that were showing up were only the background characters or something, so I figured they wouldn’t draw much of a crowd. Upon hearing that Snoop Dogg was going to be there as well, I became slightly more interested.

Since we were presented with the option to purchase tickets in advance and pick them up at the Will Call booth, we did just that. Fast forward to Saturday afternoon. The plan was to meet up with some other people at Harrah’s and eat at their buffet. We’d then hang out at the casino for a little bit, pick up the tickets, and then go to our hotel just outside the city. We would put on our costumes at the hotel and then head back to Harrah’s.

Everything started out okay. The buffet was incredible. In addition to the usual salad bar and Italian counter, they had a Brazilian meat station. That’s right a BRAZILIAN MEAT STATION. They also had a dim sum counter with SIX different dumplings! This meal was by far the highlight of the trip. Soon after, things took a turn for the worse.

We finished the meal right before 8 PM, which was when the Will Call booth opened. When we got to the general area, we saw that the line was reallllly long. But it shouldn’t take that long right? Everyone on line had already bought the tickets and would just pick them up, right? WRONG!!! Apparently, the computer system was down. So no one moved for a long time. At some point, the line started moving forward inch by inch. Though the computer system was still down, the staff had printed a spreadsheet with everyone’s name on it. So they had to look up people’s names on this giant list before handing out the tickets. Oy.

After standing in line for ONE HOUR and THIRTY MINUTES, we finally got the tickets. We then went to the hotel to get changed. Once we were ready, we returned to Harrah’s thinking we could waltz right into the club. WRONG AGAIN!!!

Instead, we found two lines to get into the club. One was for people who were buying tickets at the door. The other line was for those already holding tickets, like us. Although, the ticket holders’ line was much more of a chaotic mass of people in stupid costumes pushing against each other to get into a stupid club than an actual line. While the people who were waiting to buy tickets got a nice, orderly, roped-off line, those with the foresight to buy tickets in advance were encouraged to push, shove, and cut the line in order to get in. As you can imagine, standing on your feet in bulky costumes, surrounded by a mass of loud, annoying, belligerent drunk people isn’t the best way to spend an evening.

Anyway, the “line” was moving incredibly slow, and the security people and other Harrah’s staff members did nothing to control the situation. They could have easily gotten some more ropes to make a more orderly line. They could have used the now-empty buffet room as a waiting room until more people could enter the club. Instead, it was just a fucking mess. We stood on line for an hour and a half before giving up. After waiting in line for three hours, would you be in a clubbing mood?

So, upon leaving the line, I immediately approached three Harrah’s employees who were standing off to the sides just watching the chaos but not doing anything to help the situation.

I calmly and politely asked them how this became such a mess.

They all shrugged their shoulders.

I then said that I had waited an hour and half for Will Call and then another hour and a half in front of the club.

One guy just said, “I don’t know what to tell you.”

I firmly replied, “Well I don’t like wasting my time or my money, and tonight I did both. How do you plan on compensating me for this?”

Again the response was “I don’t know what to tell you.”

I then went off and said how it was unbelievable how the situation could be such a mess and that there’s no reason I had to wait on line that long.

One woman condescendingly told me that there are two lines, one for ticket holders, the other for non-ticket holders.

I told her I knew that. I then asked who was responsible for this lack of organization.

This other woman says, “Well, it’s not one person responsible-“

I cut her off with, “Oh so you’re telling me that the entire Harrah’s organization couldn’t plan a simple event better than this?”

Well that seemed to shut the three of them up, until I got the now-predictable response:

“I don’t know what to tell you.”

As you can see, this was a horrible night. The funny thing is that our friends that did make it in only stayed a half-hour. Apparently, it wasn’t worth the hype. Or the $23 for tickets. And certainly not three hours of standing on line trying to get in.

The night wasn’t a total waste, though. I won $7.18 from a penny slot.

My Endorsement for Governor

Posted October 27, 2009 by armpitnj
Categories: Random

Tags: , , , ,

As promised a couple entries ago, I will now be making my much anticipated endorsement for the 2009 New Jersey Gubernatorial race.

I have carefully considered each of the three major candidates, Democrat and current governor Jon Corzine, Republican Chris Christie, and Independent Chris Daggett, but only one of them will be getting my vote next Tuesday.

And that person is Chris Daggett.

Though he might not be the best candidate, he seems a lot better than the other two choices. Daggett ran an honorable campaign, rising above the mudslinging politics of his rivals. He outperformed Christie and Corzine at each of the debates, giving off a straight-talking calmness when compared with those two clowns.

Daggett also lacks the political corruptness that is so often associated with New Jersey government and represented by the other two choices. While there’s no way to prove that Daggett won’t be corrupt as governor, at least this has yet to be proven. Christie and Corzine, on the other hand, have already removed all doubt about their morals and ethics.

On November 3, 2009, I will be voting for the one candidate who might actually make the Armpit of America slightly better.

Chris Daggett will be getting my vote for Governor of New Jersey. I hope he gets yours too.

Even Australian Guys in Germany Hate New Jersey

Posted October 26, 2009 by armpitnj
Categories: Random

Tags: , , , , ,

A few months ago, I traveled across the Atlantic to Germany for one sole purpose: to find out what Europeans think about New Jersey.

Okay, maybe that wasn’t the only reason, but it was reason enough.

Anyway, upon arriving in Munich, we signed up for a beer and food tour of the city. We then met Luke, our thankfully English-speaking tour guide. Luke is an Australian transplant with the envious job of meeting people from all over the world and drinking German beer with them.

Once the tour group was assembled, Luke asked everyone where they were from. After the woman and I said we were from New Jersey, Luke immediately scoffed, as if New Jersey is an Australian curse or something. What’s funny, though, is that this was the only place that he had a reaction to. Yes, only New Jersey got Luke’s disapproval. Meanwhile, this koala-humping punk had no problems with Ohio (just like New Jersey, only more boring), Los Angeles (has anything good ever come from LA?), New Zealand (famous only for being Middle Earth’s stunt double), and Canada (it thinks it’s a real country…how cute!).

beers

The wombat-wanker's lucky I didn't throw this beer in his face.

At some point during the evening, Luke asked what I do. I told him I was unemployed at the moment, but I just started a blog about New Jersey. He again scoffed, as only those Australians can scoff, and said he hates New Jersey. I asked why, and he told me that he only hears bad things about it. He also added that he was actually in New Jersey once, driving from New York to Philadelphia. After remarking on how dreadful the Turnpike is, which I certainly agreed with, he said how he made sure the doors were locked in case the mafia tried to break in.

I then told him that I had yet to encounter any mobsters in New Jersey. I also explained how the point of my blog is to paint a better picture of the state and disprove some of the negative stereotypes. Luke seemed genuinely interested and convinced that there was more to the Armpit of America than the Turnpike and mobsters.

Later on, at the Hofbrauhaus, our group was discussing public urination for some odd reason. But after drinking a few liters, could you blame us? Some of the guys in the group were saying how they’ve peed in alley ways and such. I also admitted to having peed where I shouldn’t have and told everyone how I have a friend who was fined a lot of money for public urination. To which Luke so wittily replied, “And you’re trying to convince people that New Jersey isn’t that bad?”

Touche, kangaroo-fucker. Touche.

So what I learned on my trip to Europe is that even Australian guys in Germany hate New Jersey. Someone who has lived on two different continents, neither of which is North America, still knew about all the stereotypes and bad impressions that everyone seems to have about the state.

I also learned that I don’t like girls from Ohio, especially those who complain about having to drink beer on a beer tour. And that Canadians are goofy. Totally adorable, but goofy.

The Race To Be Governor of NJ

Posted October 20, 2009 by armpitnj
Categories: Random

Tags: , , , ,

Two weeks from today, residents of New Jersey will head to the polls to vote for governor. Will we end up reelecting our current governor, Democrat Jon Corzine, or will we choose Republican Chris Christie or Independent Chris Daggett?

Though none of these choices are ideal, one of these three stooges will be the eventual winner. I haven’t exactly decided who I will be voting for, but I do have a good inkling. I’ll probably share my decision at some point before election day.

For those of you lucky enough to live outside the Armpit of America, or those of you who do but don’t know anything about the upcoming gubernatorial election, here is a profile of each candidate:

Photo courtesy The Star Ledger

Photo courtesy The Star Ledger

Chris Christie – Earlier in the race, this redundantly named candidate was considered a shoe-in. The incumbent governor had dismal approval ratings, so any other option could have easily won. However, his reluctance to provide any details about what he would do for our miserable state, combined with the unexpectedly strong Daggett campaign, has hurt his chances of winning. Though the former federal prosecutor brags about fighting corruption and putting wrong-doing politicians in jail, Christie seems to have been involved in his fair share of shady politics.

Pros:

Chris Christie is not Jon Corzine.

Chris Christie likes is obsessed with Bruce Springsteen.

Cons:

Chris Christie hasn’t mentioned exactly what he’s going to do for New Jersey.

Chris Christie is a scum bag.

Photo courtesy The Star Ledger

Photo courtesy The Star Ledger

Jon Corzine – In many ways, the current governor represents what is wrong with New Jersey politics. He seems to go by the do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do style of leadership, as evident by this whole thing. I also don’t like his negative campaign strategy of making fun of Christie’s weight. How would he like it if people made fun of him for being bald? Also, Corzine himself can be considered fat…a Wall Street fat cat to be exact. His expertise in finance was supposed to let him better handle our state’s tax and financial issues, of which there are many. But has he done anything in the last four years? No. So it’s hard to imagine he would get anything done in the next four years.

Pros:

Jon Corzine is not Chris Christie.

Jon Corzine keeps his scalp really shiny.

Cons:

Jon Corzine is a sleaze ball.

Uh, look at the last four years.

Photo courtesy The Star Ledger

Photo courtesy The Star Ledger

Chris Daggett – Though usually third-party candidates don’t get much attention, this one sure has. Christie’s lack of specifics, Corzine’s general sketchiness, and the mud-slinging politics of both major parties have allowed Daggett to sneak in and gain some traction. While he does have a couple interesting ideas, some are a little far-fetched. For instance, he plans to cut New Jersey’s high property taxes by raising the taxes on EVERYTHING else. Also, he’s been mainly out of politics for the last twenty years, after briefly working for the Department of Environmental Protection under the first Bush. Daggett truly is a dark horse in this race – we have no idea what he will be like with free reign over the state. At the same time, being independent may prevent the state legislature from working cooperatively. Though his election would certainly change things up, we don’t know if this change would be good or bad. With Corzine or Christie, we could expect no change at all, but at least we would know what’s coming.

Pros:

Chris Daggett is not Jon Corzine or Chris Christie.

Chriss Daggett has a cool last name.

Cons:

Chris Daggett is not Jon Corzine or Chris Christie.

Who the hell is Chris Daggett?

Well, these are our three wonderful options for governor. Something tells me that no matter who wins, the Armpit of America will remain the same – stinky.

So, who are you voting for?