Posted tagged ‘Jersey Shore’

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The Saturday After Martin Luther King Day in Atlantic City

January 25, 2010

Atlantic City - even the murals in the bathrooms are sleazy...

After visiting Atlantic City on Halloween and Christmas, I decided to continue the trend of spending each holiday in that shithole of a place. And what could be a more important day than the Saturday after Martin Luther King Day? This sure sounds like someone with a gambling problem looking for any excuse to cover up their random trips to AC. But, I had a very valid reason for going this time – a friend’s birthday.

I had some out-of-state family business to take care of in the days prior to this one. Yet, a mere couple hours after getting off the plane in Newark, I was on the Garden State Parkway heading towards AC. Okay, maybe I do have a gambling problem.

Soon after arriving at Caesars, we walked around the Pier, which is high-end version of the typical Jersey mall – only this one is built right above the ocean. In addition, the Pier is somewhat well known for its dancing fountains, which is a (very) poor man’s version of those found at the Bellagio in Vegas. Only in the Armpit of America can a stupid fountain in the shape of a toilet (seriously, it is) be a major tourist attraction.

Following birthday cupcakes and cookies in our hotel room, it was time to hit the casino. After putting $20 in a nickel slot and playing for 10 minutes, I was only down four bucks, which is better than I usually do. Anyway, it was then time to go to the bar. On this night, we went to Game On, an ESPN-owned sports bar on the aforementioned Pier.

This was only my second time at Game On, but it is probably my favorite place to hang out at Atlantic City. Though I’m admittedly not a huge sports fan, those that are can be entertained by countless TVs all around the place showing every game imaginable. And those mechanical bull aficionados, like me, will be happy to know that you can ride one for only $2. In addition to the two bucks, you have to sign a waiver saying you won’t hold the place accountable if you die. But those 5 seconds you’re on the bull before getting thrown off and having everyone laugh at you is definitely worth it.

Another draw is the bathroom. Upon entering, you’ll meet that lovely lady in the picture at the top of this entry. In addition, the spaces right above the urinals have little TVs built right into the wall! (more…)

Categories: Atlantic City, Bars, Personal
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Comments: 1 Comment

MTV’s “Jersey Shore” Episode 8

January 21, 2010

I know I’m kinda late with this “Jersey Shore” review, but the new and final episode hasn’t aired yet, so I’m still good!

This episode begins with a recap of J-WOW’s much anticipated (and deserved) assault against Mike. Still in shock that someone had the gall to hit him, he does what he does best: talk shit about her. He says that he didn’t know if he should hit back, since he’s not sure if J-WOWW is a man or a woman. That’s funny; she was probably thinking the same thing about him.

J-WOWW tells Snooki that she’s thinking about leaving the house. That’s when Snooki begs her to stay and tells her, “If you leave, I’m gonna stuff your nose with tampons.” Haha. Anyone besides me getting turned on by that mental image? Didn’t think so. Meanwhile, Mike is still in a hissy fit about getting beat up by a girl. He just bitches about how he’s done with J-WOWW and then explains that she’s not the only person he’s annoyed with. You see, ever since Vinny realized what a pathetic loser Mike is, he’s been talking shit to him every chance he gets. And poor, innocent, violated Mike can’t handle that. As he puts it, he’s tired of seeing Vinny’s “smug little punk bitch look.”

Speaking of smug little punk bitches...

That night, Vinny and Pauly are hanging out on the boardwalk with these three chicks. Who shows up to ruin the fun? Danielle, that Israeli girl that Pauly met in the last episode. He tells her that he’ll give her a call and then gets rid of her. She then continues to stalk him the rest of the night, and I can’t decide whether its more funny or creepy. Actually, the way she appears out of nowhere and just stares Pauly down is definitely more creepy. Especially since at one point, she gives him a custom-made t-shirt that says, “I ❤ JEWISH GIRLS.” Anyway, the guys return to the house and the phone rings. Fearing that it’s Danielle, Pauly tells Vinny to answer the phone and pretend its Mike. We then see Vinny do a hilarious and spot-on impression of Mike. I strongly suggest that everyone go and watch it.  Just fast forward to 12 minutes 35 seconds and prepare to laugh. (more…)

Categories: MTV's "Jersey Shore"
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Comments: 5 Comments

MTV’s “Jersey Shore” Episode 7

January 16, 2010

So there were actually two episodes last night. But since it takes me approximately 14 hours to write each review, you’re only getting one for now. Come back soon for Episode 8!

The first very special episode of “Jersey Shore” picks up where the last one ended – Ronnie and Sammi having one of their boring fights.

She is still upset that he pushed her. Uh, grow up! It was just a little tap, and he only did it because your mouth was getting him into a fight. But all the crap going on with Ronnie isn’t enough for Sammi. She then talks to Mike and Pauly about Snooki’s comment that everyone is pissed at the couple for not hanging out. And then it explodes into this whole thing with Sammi screaming at Snookie.

I actually feel bad for Snooki Snook here. Understanding that they only had a limited amount of time together, she just wants every to hang out. Instead, everyone’s picking on HER for starting shit. Although she isn’t present during all of this, Snooki says that J-WOWW feels the same way. And how does Sammi respond to this? Snooki and J-WOWW are clearly jealous of her and Ronnie. Sammi then tells us how she can’t trust anyone anymore. Just because Snooki and J-WOWW wanted to hang out with her a little more. Make sense?

"Oh yeah? Well you're just jealous of my semi-abusive relationship with a roid head!"

"Oh yeah? Well you're just jealous that I'm in a semi-abusive relationship with a somewhat unstable roid head!"

Later that night, the group is at some club, where Snooki meets her latest crush. He’s a pale, Irish farmer, even though she usually goes for guidos. But they hit it off and go home together. Meanwhile, Mike is grinding with some girl, who he says can “drop it like it’s hot.” Wow, I haven’t heard that since 2005, which is probably the last time anyone thought Mike was cool. (more…)

Categories: MTV's "Jersey Shore"
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Comments: 4 Comments

MTV’s “Jersey Shore” Episode 6

January 9, 2010

On this week’s episode, Snooki gets punched in the face again, Mike continues to be a loser, and we see an instance of domestic violence. This episode pretty much had everything we’ve come to expect from our favorite Italian Americans. The only thing missing was J-WOWW. The editors decided to make us sit through more of the stupid drama between Sammi and Ronnie, instead of focusing on J-WOWW and the silicon twins.

So let’s jump right in. The episode begins with Mike, Pauly, and Ronnie getting ready to go out for some GTL – Gym, Tanning, and Laundry. Mike then explains that you have to go to the gym so you look good, go tanning so you stay fresh, and get your laundry done so you look nice when you go out. This must be the fiftieth time that someone on this show has equated going tanning with being fresh. Can someone explain how cooking your skin until it turns brown and wrinkly makes you fresh? Kthx.

"Please remember to use fabric softener this time! Oh, and they're called delicates for a reason - low cycle, please!"

Later on, Vinny goes to work and is expecting to get fired and evicted for hooking up with his boss’s girlfriend. It turns out that Danny doesn’t care and the two guys then joke about getting herpes or something. Speaking of herpes, Vinny is then talking on the phone with Mike’s sister and tries to convince her to hang out with everyone at Headliner.

Mike tells us that he doesn’t mind if Vinny hooks up with his sister, since Vinny knows that he is the man of the house. Uh. What kind of man of the house waxes his eyebrows, goes tanning, and makes daily trips to the laundromat? Someone so delusional he thinks “The Situation” is a cool nickname, that’s who! (more…)

Categories: MTV's "Jersey Shore"
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MTV’s “Jersey Shore” Episode 5

January 3, 2010

This episode begins with the aftermath of the infamous punch. Once it happens, a bunch of guys (and even J-WOWW) start punching the douche who hit Snooki. It is important to note that Mike, who witnessed the whole thing, had no part in the lynching of that asshole. Girlfriend probably didn’t want to break a nail. Anyway, the cops soon arrive and arrest the douche, as he says, “I didn’t do anything!”

We then take a trip into the bathroom, where Sammi and J-WOWW are trying to comfort Snooki. Vinny, who has been missing since the first episode, reappears on the show…in the girls’ bathroom. Being the sensitive guy, he joins the ladies in stroking Snooki’s hair and telling her she’ll be okay. Snooki is just concerned about whether she lost any teeth or not. A part of me wishes she did, just so her jack-o-lantern look would be complete.

Meanwhile, Ronnie and Pauly are outside blowing off steam and trying to make sense of the night’s events. And what is Mike up to? As everyone is concerned about Snooki, he’s desperately trying to pick up a girl. What a pathetic situation.

The rest of the group explains how Mike pretty much instigated the whole thing. You see, for some reason, he was buying the douche and his friends some shots. (Maybe he was tired of getting rejected by all the girls and thought he’d try something different?) So Snooki was just telling the douche to buy his own drinks, and that’s why he hit her.

The next day, Ronnie’s family comes to visit. His father and brother seem pretty normal, but his mother is a typical bitchy Italian princess. She just sits there with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth and says that she’d rather be tanning. Snooki tells us that his family is “funny and cute – just like Ronnie!” Right. Anyway, Ronnie introduces his family to Sammi, and they all go on the boardwalk together. We see more of the blossoming relationship between the two, which continues to bore me to death.

I'd be a little cranky too if that thing came out of my vagina...

Later on, Snooki and J-WOWW go out for drinks, except Snooki can’t actually drink, thanks to her busted up face. Back at the house, she gets a call from the police, saying that the douche who hit her was released on bail. She starts freaking out, so J-WOWW comforts her the only way she knows how. She asks Snooki, “Wanna go tanning?” (more…)

Categories: MTV's "Jersey Shore"
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