The Olympics Opening Ceremony

Posted February 14, 2010 by armpitnj
Categories: Random, Reviews
Tags: , , ,

This past Friday, the world watched the opening ceremonies of the Vancouver Winter Olympics. You may be wondering why I would be talking about the Olympics on a blog about New Jersey. Well, not many people know this, but Jersey City actually made a bid to host the 1987 Summer Olympics. (Yes, I know there wasn’t an Olympics in 1987…but the good people of Jersey City didn’t know that.)

Anyway, I think the team in charge of the Vancouver opening ceremony did a great job of showcasing exactly what Canada is all about. Let’s face it, Canada is pretty much just an extra with no lines on the world stage. But the opening ceremony gave this perennial understudy the chance to shine.

Just like Australia did at the 2000 Olympics in Sydney and the U.S. did at the 2002 Olympics in Salt Lake City, Canada paid tribute to its indigenous people at the opening ceremony. Although all three nations claim to take pride in honoring their native inhabitants, let’s get real. I don’t think these native Australians, Americans, and Canadians can forgive hundreds of years of oppression and neglect for the chance to dance around in feather headdresses in front of the world.

That being said, the native Canadian display was tasteful and entertaining. At least compared to other performances throughout the night. We watched several famous Canadian singers, like Sarah McLaughlin, Nelly Furtado, Bryan Adams, and some opera singer with a glittery afro. We also saw a rather odd performance by Mr. KD Lang. Although he has a soothing baritone and was wearing a stylish suit, they didn’t give him any close-ups. He must’ve forgotten to shave or something. Read the rest of this post »

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State vs. State: Pennsylvania

Posted February 9, 2010 by armpitnj
Categories: State vs. State
Tags: , , , ,

After proving beyond any doubt how New Jersey is so much better than Delaware, I have my sights set on the Armpit of America’s western neighbor. While comparing Delaware to New Jersey was obviously pretty easy, proving that my state is better than Pennsylvania may be a little trickier. But let’s give it a try.

When one hears the word “Pennsylvania,” there are a few images that come to mind: the green patchwork of farmland, the quaint little towns, and the beautiful mountains and valleys. Well, newsflash: New Jersey has all these things too. Big deal, right? Well New Jersey is like one quarter the size of Pennsylvania, so all of our farmland, quaint towns, and mountains are all within an hour or so drive of each other. Compare that with the over 5 hours it takes to drive from one end of Pennsylvania to the other.

Which brings me to the next point. Just look at the two states on a map. New Jersey is shaped like a voluptuous woman, drawing you in like a siren. On top of that, the girlish figure of our state is all natural, for the most part. Aside from the northeastern border with New York, New Jersey’s boundaries are all formed by water. And how is Pennsylvania shaped? Like a boring rectangle with a misplaced wedge on top. What other state has a stupid wedge on top?? Only Pennsylvania.

They obviously didn't have enough room for Pennsylvania's official slogan: "Virtue, Liberty, Independence, and Stupid Wedges"

The story behind that odd wedge is yet another reason to make fun of the state. Originally, that sliver of land belonged to New York. Since it stretched all the way to Ohio, poor Pennsylvania didn’t have access to Lake Erie. So the crybaby people of that state did what they still do best: whine until they get their way. So they finally got their connection to the Great Lakes, but at the cost of having a misshapen wedge at the top of the state. Read the rest of this post »

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Winter in New Jersey Sucks!

Posted February 4, 2010 by armpitnj
Categories: Personal
Tags: , , , ,

What the hell is up with weather in New Jersey this winter?  Our state is going to be barraged by up to two feet of snow this weekend.  Yeah, I know some other states are gonna have it worse, but those states don’t matter.  Is Maryland even a state?  I forget sometimes.

Anyway, this will be the third snowstorm to hit the Armpit of America this season.  And it is the third snowstorm that will occur on a Saturday.  And this is the third weekend where the weather has ruined my plans.

I was all set to go to Atlantic City yet again.  If you’ve kept up with this blog, you’d know that I spend all the important holidays in AC, like Halloween, Christmas, and the Saturday After Martin Luther King Day.  Well, I was all set to celebrate the Weekend Before Valentine’s Day in Atlantic City, but now those plans have been canceled.  Thanks a lot, you worthless cumulus clouds!

According to that stupid groundhog out in Pennsylvania, we have six more weeks of winter.  One weekend of those six is already ruined.  Let’s hope the other five are okay.  If not, I say it’s groundhog hunting season out in our neighbor to the left.  Who’s with me?

By the way, you can follow me on Twitter @armpitnj!  And you can get my latest blog entries right in your e-mail by subscribing up in the left hand corner!

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Top 5 Songs About New Jersey

Posted February 2, 2010 by armpitnj
Categories: Music, Top 5
Tags: , , , ,

Is this Jon Bon Jovi or a Jersey girl? I sure can't tell...

When I first decided to create this list of the top songs about the Armpit of America, I thought it would be pretty easy. However, as I began assembling the list, it became more difficult. There are plenty of songs that mention New Jersey, but I didn’t think that a mere shout-out was enough to put a song on this list. Instead, I wanted to include songs that represent the true spirit of living in this state. I could have included a couple Bruce Springsteen songs, but that would have been too easy. (Though you can look forward to a future Top 5 list of Bruce’s best songs about New Jersey.)

Anyway, I did manage to create a list. I’m sure there are plenty of songs I’ve overlooked. I’m sure people will disagree with the ones I did list. Agree or not, these are the songs I came up with:

1. “Livin’ on a Prayer” by Bon Jovi

Poor Jon Bon Jovi. As big as he and his conceitedly named band were, are, or will be, he’ll never grow out of his status as New Jersey’s second favorite son. But don’t feel too bad for him, his song goes first on my list! Though the lyrics don’t mention New Jersey by name, it is clear that his story about Tommy and Gina takes place right here. With references to the docks at Bayonne and the ubiquitous Jersey diner, the story can’t take place anywhere else.

Our protagonists might not have much, and it apparently doesn’t make a difference if they make it or not. However, they have each other, you see, and that’s a lot for love. So they decide to give it a shot. Though things may be rough for Tommy and Gina, they show the true grit and toughness New Jerseyans are known for. On top of that, this song is pretty much the unofficial anthem of New Jersey. You can’t go to any bar or club in the Garden State without hearing it. At least that’s one thing Bon Jovi can wave in Bruce’s face. Read the rest of this post »

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MTV’s “Jersey Shore” Last Episode!!!

Posted January 28, 2010 by armpitnj
Categories: MTV's "Jersey Shore"
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Just like summer itself, the first season of “Jersey Shore” has flown by. I can’t tell you what a relief it is that this will be the last episode review I’ll have to write for a while. Not that I don’t love spreading the word about latest goings on with Snooki and the rest, but I look forward to not devoting 20 hours a week towards this show. All that being said, I will have at least one more “Jersey Shore” related post coming up in the next couple weeks. Stay tuned!

Now that that’s all out of the way, let’s jump right in to our last episode. It begins where the previous episode left off – Ronnie getting arrested. Sammi explains how horrible she feels and that she can’t believe it and doesn’t know what to do. I say you should dump the creep, sister! Anyway, the girls are wondering how they can get Ronnie out of jail. Snooki offers to call 911, but Sammi explains to her that 911 is only for emergencies. Silly pumpkin!

In case you haven't noticed, I love posting this pic!

So Snooki calls the local police office instead, and she is told that Ronnie will be held overnight and can be released on bail at 6:30 AM. Sammi then whines about how this will be the first night she has to sleep alone. Please. Instead of worrying that her boyfriend with the perfectly coiffed hair and ever-present tube of lip gloss is going to get raped in the slammer, she’s only concerned about herself. What a selfish bitch. As she points out, though, it’s already 3:30, so he’ll only be there another 3 hours.

At 8:00 in the morning, the phone rings nonstop, but no one answers it. Finally, Sammi gets up and tells us that she heard the phone ringing but was waiting for someone else to answer it. The princess (Sammi, not Mike) eventually gets up and then goes to the slammer to pick Ronnie up. He tells us, “I feel like a lowlife for going to jail, and I don’t belong there!” Let’s see. Ronnie is somewhat abusive to his girlfriend, can’t control his anger, has been involved in several fights, and has now been arrested. I think that qualifies him as a lowlife. What do you all think????

Enough with the Sammi/Ronnie bullshit, Little Miss Diva needs her turn in the spotlight! We see Mike talking with Vinny and Pauly about finding some girls to hang out with over Labor Day weekend, their last weekend in the house. Mike gets on the phone calling all of the girls he knows, and – surprise – none of them answer. Since no girl is interested, he suggests the three of them have a guys’ night out. Something tells me this was his plan all along… Read the rest of this post »

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