Posted tagged ‘snooki’

Who Would You Kick Out of New Jersey?

July 10, 2011

As much as I love New Jersey, even I’ll admit that there are a lot of assholes in this state.  The Armpit of America would definitely be a lot less stinky if certain people were to leave and never come back.  Any reader of this blog shouldn’t have too much trouble figuring out who I would like to kick out of New Jersey forever.  (HINT: His name rhymes with Miss Misty.)  But I want to know who you’d like to banish.

Below you’ll find some of the Garden State’s most famous and polarizing characters.    So let me know your thoughts by choosing who you would want to get rid of.  If your choice isn’t listed here, share your choice by leaving me a comment.

My Latest Obsession: Teresa Giudice

June 21, 2011

Move over Snooki, there’s a new ghetto Italian bitch in my life. Her name is Teresa Giudice (pronounced Jew-dice), from Bravo’s “The Real Housewives of New Jersey.” If you’ve never watched that show, you’re missing out. It’s a lot like “Jersey Shore,” only the episodes actually have plots rather than the regular formula of drink, fight, hook up, and repeat. I only started watching Real Housewives a couple of weeks ago, but I wish I’d been there all along. Once you start watching, I’m sure you’ll be just as intrigued as I am by the obvious star of the show, Ms. Giudice.

Just like Snooki, Teresa is quite interesting to look at. While she shares Snooki’s orange skin and big, dark hair, Teresa’s got something that little Snooki doesn’t. Crazy eyes. Seriously. Look at those things:

They’re like two hockey pucks so far apart it seems like they’re trying to escape her face. Indeed, it’s those very eyes that have me so smitten. It’s certainly not the rest of her body – her skin is so orange and wrinkly, she looks much older than she really is. And it’s not her personality. Teresa comes across as a self-centered and ignorant bitch. But there’s something about those eyes. I guess it’s the whole train wreck analogy – they’re so ugly that I can’t look away. And for some reason, she puts so much makeup around her eyes that you can’t help but be drawn to them anyway. (more…)

Jersey Shore Season 3 Recap

April 9, 2011

I had originally intended to recap each and every episode of MTV’s groundbreaking and highly influential show. However, I gave up half-way through the second season, which took place in Miami despite being called Jersey Shore. I apologize, but I’m sure you understand. As we all know, each episode was pretty much the same. Sammi and Ronnie fight and make up. Vinny, Pauly D, and Mike “The Situation” hook up with as many girls as possible. Angelina starts shit with everyone. J-WOWW dresses like a slut. Snooki does something adorable.

For the third season, the gang was back whoring it up in Seaside Heights. Though the season started out strong, it soon fizzled out. It’s sad, but these people have become caricatures of themselves and no longer seem that interesting. Even sadder, they are all celebrities now and make more in one year than I’ll probably make in my lifetime. All that aside, the show is still pretty entertaining. But if you haven’t been keeping up with it, let me fill you in on who/what went down this season (along with some great artwork by Jennifer Herd of bite.ca).

J-WOWW and Snooki

"Is that a lightsaber in your pocket, or are you just happy to see us?"

Everyone’s favorite pickle-loving best-selling author (check out her first draft!) is still on her quest to find the perfect guido. Though Snooki makes no attempt to hide her feelings for her cast-mate Vinnie, there’s always some kind of drama keeping those two apart. Aside from the early episode where she got arrested for being drunk at the beach, our girl Snooks was pretty low-key this season. (more…)

ArmpitNJ.com Exclusive: Snooki’s First Draft!

March 6, 2011

In what should come as a surprise to absolutely no one, Snooki didn’t really write her much publicized debut novel, A Shore Thing.  Rather, she employed the use of a ghostwriter to do the grunt work for her.  So how much input did Snooki actually have in the book that credits her as the author?

We now know the answer.  Thanks to an old friend over at Simon & Shuster, I’ve got my hands on the only copy of Snooki’s original manuscript.  And I’m happy to share it with all of you.

Enjoy! (more…)

Snooki’s Book Doesn’t Suck

January 12, 2011

I actually enjoyed it. Really.

I recently read Snooki’s writing debut, A Shore Thing. And it was a lot better than I ever would have imagined. Snooki[’s ghostwriter] did a wonderful job of capturing the essence (beer and sweat) of a summer at the Jersey Shore.

The novel revolves around Gia, a short, slutty guidette (can you guess who she is modeled after?) and her cousin Bella. Bella seems to be a combo of Snooki’s Jersey Shore castmates J-WOWW and Sammi. She has implants, wears skimpy shirts, and knows how to fight (a la J-WOWW) yet is pretty naïve and has bad taste in men (like Sammi).

Snooki[’s ghostwriter] does a decent job at telling the story of the cousins who leave their home in Brooklyn to spend a month at the Jersey Shore – Seaside Heights to be exact. We see all of their troubles and triumphs, from searching for summer jobs to hunting for “Italian gorilla juiceheads” to hook up with. Regarding jobs, Gia secures employment at a tanning salon, and for some reason, upon being hired, gives the arm of the couch in the waiting room a lap dance. Seriously. Meanwhile, Bella gets hired at a gym to lead dance classes. (more…)