The Saturday After Martin Luther King Day in Atlantic City

Posted January 25, 2010 by armpitnj
Categories: Atlantic City, Bars, Personal
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Atlantic City - even the murals in the bathrooms are sleazy...

After visiting Atlantic City on Halloween and Christmas, I decided to continue the trend of spending each holiday in that shithole of a place. And what could be a more important day than the Saturday after Martin Luther King Day? This sure sounds like someone with a gambling problem looking for any excuse to cover up their random trips to AC. But, I had a very valid reason for going this time – a friend’s birthday.

I had some out-of-state family business to take care of in the days prior to this one. Yet, a mere couple hours after getting off the plane in Newark, I was on the Garden State Parkway heading towards AC. Okay, maybe I do have a gambling problem.

Soon after arriving at Caesars, we walked around the Pier, which is high-end version of the typical Jersey mall – only this one is built right above the ocean. In addition, the Pier is somewhat well known for its dancing fountains, which is a (very) poor man’s version of those found at the Bellagio in Vegas. Only in the Armpit of America can a stupid fountain in the shape of a toilet (seriously, it is) be a major tourist attraction.

Following birthday cupcakes and cookies in our hotel room, it was time to hit the casino. After putting $20 in a nickel slot and playing for 10 minutes, I was only down four bucks, which is better than I usually do. Anyway, it was then time to go to the bar. On this night, we went to Game On, an ESPN-owned sports bar on the aforementioned Pier.

This was only my second time at Game On, but it is probably my favorite place to hang out at Atlantic City. Though I’m admittedly not a huge sports fan, those that are can be entertained by countless TVs all around the place showing every game imaginable. And those mechanical bull aficionados, like me, will be happy to know that you can ride one for only $2. In addition to the two bucks, you have to sign a waiver saying you won’t hold the place accountable if you die. But those 5 seconds you’re on the bull before getting thrown off and having everyone laugh at you is definitely worth it.

Another draw is the bathroom. Upon entering, you’ll meet that lovely lady in the picture at the top of this entry. In addition, the spaces right above the urinals have little TVs built right into the wall! Read the rest of this post »

Comments: 1 Comment

MTV’s “Jersey Shore” Episode 8

Posted January 21, 2010 by armpitnj
Categories: MTV's "Jersey Shore"
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

I know I’m kinda late with this “Jersey Shore” review, but the new and final episode hasn’t aired yet, so I’m still good!

This episode begins with a recap of J-WOW’s much anticipated (and deserved) assault against Mike. Still in shock that someone had the gall to hit him, he does what he does best: talk shit about her. He says that he didn’t know if he should hit back, since he’s not sure if J-WOWW is a man or a woman. That’s funny; she was probably thinking the same thing about him.

J-WOWW tells Snooki that she’s thinking about leaving the house. That’s when Snooki begs her to stay and tells her, “If you leave, I’m gonna stuff your nose with tampons.” Haha. Anyone besides me getting turned on by that mental image? Didn’t think so. Meanwhile, Mike is still in a hissy fit about getting beat up by a girl. He just bitches about how he’s done with J-WOWW and then explains that she’s not the only person he’s annoyed with. You see, ever since Vinny realized what a pathetic loser Mike is, he’s been talking shit to him every chance he gets. And poor, innocent, violated Mike can’t handle that. As he puts it, he’s tired of seeing Vinny’s “smug little punk bitch look.”

Speaking of smug little punk bitches...

That night, Vinny and Pauly are hanging out on the boardwalk with these three chicks. Who shows up to ruin the fun? Danielle, that Israeli girl that Pauly met in the last episode. He tells her that he’ll give her a call and then gets rid of her. She then continues to stalk him the rest of the night, and I can’t decide whether its more funny or creepy. Actually, the way she appears out of nowhere and just stares Pauly down is definitely more creepy. Especially since at one point, she gives him a custom-made t-shirt that says, “I ❤ JEWISH GIRLS.” Anyway, the guys return to the house and the phone rings. Fearing that it’s Danielle, Pauly tells Vinny to answer the phone and pretend its Mike. We then see Vinny do a hilarious and spot-on impression of Mike. I strongly suggest that everyone go and watch it.  Just fast forward to 12 minutes 35 seconds and prepare to laugh. Read the rest of this post »

Comments: 5 Comments

MTV’s “Jersey Shore” Episode 7

Posted January 16, 2010 by armpitnj
Categories: MTV's "Jersey Shore"
Tags: , , , , , , ,

So there were actually two episodes last night. But since it takes me approximately 14 hours to write each review, you’re only getting one for now. Come back soon for Episode 8!

The first very special episode of “Jersey Shore” picks up where the last one ended – Ronnie and Sammi having one of their boring fights.

She is still upset that he pushed her. Uh, grow up! It was just a little tap, and he only did it because your mouth was getting him into a fight. But all the crap going on with Ronnie isn’t enough for Sammi. She then talks to Mike and Pauly about Snooki’s comment that everyone is pissed at the couple for not hanging out. And then it explodes into this whole thing with Sammi screaming at Snookie.

I actually feel bad for Snooki Snook here. Understanding that they only had a limited amount of time together, she just wants every to hang out. Instead, everyone’s picking on HER for starting shit. Although she isn’t present during all of this, Snooki says that J-WOWW feels the same way. And how does Sammi respond to this? Snooki and J-WOWW are clearly jealous of her and Ronnie. Sammi then tells us how she can’t trust anyone anymore. Just because Snooki and J-WOWW wanted to hang out with her a little more. Make sense?

"Oh yeah? Well you're just jealous of my semi-abusive relationship with a roid head!"

"Oh yeah? Well you're just jealous that I'm in a semi-abusive relationship with a somewhat unstable roid head!"

Later that night, the group is at some club, where Snooki meets her latest crush. He’s a pale, Irish farmer, even though she usually goes for guidos. But they hit it off and go home together. Meanwhile, Mike is grinding with some girl, who he says can “drop it like it’s hot.” Wow, I haven’t heard that since 2005, which is probably the last time anyone thought Mike was cool. Read the rest of this post »

Comments: 4 Comments

Weed in the Garden State

Posted January 12, 2010 by armpitnj
Categories: politics
Tags: , , ,

Put that in your pipe and smoke it - legally!

After disappointingly rejecting same sex marriage last week, yesterday, the New Jersey state legislature actually realized we’re not living in the 1950s anymore. They took some progressive action and voted in favor of legalizing marijuana in the Armpit of America.

Now before you all go and smoke up, there are quite a few restrictions. The bill that got approved, and which outgoing Jon Corzine promised to sign, only allows the stuff to be used for serious medical conditions. According to this article, the only people who will be allowed to purchase marijuana are those with diseases causing them “chronic pain, nausea, seizures, muscle spasms or wasting syndrome.” That’s funny, I though you only get chronic pain and wasting syndrome AFTER smoking pot.

New Jersey is hardly a leader in this realm, since it is the 14th state to legalize marijuana. But, at least it is a step in the right direction. Though I am not a pothead by any means, the positive effects of marijuana on sick people is pretty much proven. So why should they have to sneak around to get something that can make them feel better? And why should they be charged as criminals for using something that can make the pain go away?

Anyway, the bill that got approved is the strictest of all 14 states that allow medicinal marijuana. While other states allow people with “high stress or anxiety” to qualify, none of those bullshit diseases will be enough to let you legally buy some weed. I guess that’s for the best, though. If everyone suffering from stress or anxiety in this shithole of a state could get marijuana, I don’t think all the Wawas and QuickCheks in New Jersey could keep up with the demand for Cheetos and Zebra Cakes.

All joking aside, the legislature of New Jersey finally did something right. A lot of people suffering from debilitating diseases can now get the relief they deserve, without being labeled as criminals for doing so.

Comments: 2 Comments

MTV’s “Jersey Shore” Episode 6

Posted January 9, 2010 by armpitnj
Categories: MTV's "Jersey Shore"
Tags: , , , ,

On this week’s episode, Snooki gets punched in the face again, Mike continues to be a loser, and we see an instance of domestic violence. This episode pretty much had everything we’ve come to expect from our favorite Italian Americans. The only thing missing was J-WOWW. The editors decided to make us sit through more of the stupid drama between Sammi and Ronnie, instead of focusing on J-WOWW and the silicon twins.

So let’s jump right in. The episode begins with Mike, Pauly, and Ronnie getting ready to go out for some GTL – Gym, Tanning, and Laundry. Mike then explains that you have to go to the gym so you look good, go tanning so you stay fresh, and get your laundry done so you look nice when you go out. This must be the fiftieth time that someone on this show has equated going tanning with being fresh. Can someone explain how cooking your skin until it turns brown and wrinkly makes you fresh? Kthx.

"Please remember to use fabric softener this time! Oh, and they're called delicates for a reason - low cycle, please!"

Later on, Vinny goes to work and is expecting to get fired and evicted for hooking up with his boss’s girlfriend. It turns out that Danny doesn’t care and the two guys then joke about getting herpes or something. Speaking of herpes, Vinny is then talking on the phone with Mike’s sister and tries to convince her to hang out with everyone at Headliner.

Mike tells us that he doesn’t mind if Vinny hooks up with his sister, since Vinny knows that he is the man of the house. Uh. What kind of man of the house waxes his eyebrows, goes tanning, and makes daily trips to the laundromat? Someone so delusional he thinks “The Situation” is a cool nickname, that’s who! Read the rest of this post »

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